Chasing Hope
by LadeeBear
Summary: [sequel to Stories of the Past] Anna Price reflects on her life before, during, and after becoming a CSI in New York, as she learns to deal with frienships, loves, and losses.
1. Prologue: Flying

**Well, I think that it is safe to say that you all enjoyed "Stories of the Past", and I had a blast writing it all. But, as I mentioned before, I left a lot to be desired: I mentioned that Danny and Lindsay got married and eventually had twins, but I never really told you anything about their dating life – apart from their first kiss, that is – and I completely left out Mac and Stella's love lives from the story. I told you at the end why Flack and Anna broke up, but I didn't cover their relationship's up's and down's. And good old Elsie…who would like to see more of her in our story? Well, never fear, because I am bringing you the whole story, straight from the mouth of Anna! (Don't worry, the prologue is really deep and stuff, but the all of the following chapters will contain the younger Anna with her humor and wit, without the angst. Haha)**

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of CSI, CSI: NY or CSI: Miami, as you will see them in this story. I do not care much if you steal any of my walk-on characters, my one-line characters, or my background characters. I will not, under any circumstances, however, tolerate anyone stealing Annabelle Leah Price or Elsie Marie Scott for they are mine and mine alone. Anna's children (mentioned briefly in these chapters) and grandchildren (also mentioned briefly) are also mine, so if you take them, you die. Other than that, I hope that you enjoy this story._

Prologue: Flying

I have always wanted to fly.

I suppose that this is due to the fact that I detest running so much. I see no point in getting sweaty, panting, athletic shoes pounding the pavement below, just to reach some ribbon that you can run through at the end. To me, it is a lost cause, a battle that I could never win. I would stop, half-way through, trying to steady myself and catch my breath. Where was the freedom in that?

No, I have always wanted to fly.

I have always desired to feel the wind through my hair, wrapping itself around my body as I glide gently through the clouds, feet never touching the ground. To become light, airy, and have a feeling of weightlessness—that is what I have always dreamt of becoming. I close my eyes, sometimes, when I am out on the front porch, and just remember the feeling of being free, of having no restraints, nothing to tie you down. I open my eyes, and see that I am old. Yes, I am old.

People always start their stories with "Once upon a time" and then, at the end, there is always a neat little package with the words "happily ever after" stamped on it. I inhale the summer air, smoky and yet sweet at the same time, and think back on my life. I seem to be doing nothing but thinking, lately. I suppose that it comes with the territory of becoming older, wiser, perhaps. But as I close my eyes, my thoughts drift towards that "happily ever after" nonsense. Whoever said that begins with a "Once upon a time" and ends with a happy ending was disillusioned. Now, some may call me bitter. A bit cynical, perhaps, but I call myself _realistic_. Anyone who believes that your life can end with a few nice little words strewn together—well, those sort of people live their whole lives waiting for the end of the book, now don't they?

I feel that I have always lived my life for the next sentence, the next paragraph, the next page. I've never snuck a peek at the ending, though many a time, I have wanted to. If I _had _looked at the ending, my ending, then I would most certainly have been a bit disheartened. Most times, we understand what the next sentence has to offer, and many a time, we only think that we know how the book should end. If I created my own story, dictating where to put little bouts of joy, setting the happiness apart from the anticipation with little semi-colons; then I would surely never have inserted any failure, or any pain, or any anguish. I would have deleted them from my story, erased them completely.

But then, I think, my story, your story, the world's story would not quite be the same. Sometimes, I believe, we _need_ those sorts of curveballs in life in order to keep us on our toes, as we anxiously await the last chapter. But more than that, we need those disappointments in life in order to shape our very character, the core of our being. I exhale, balancing a ball point pen in between my fingers. I chew on the cap. It was always a nervous habit of mine, and forever will be. I wonder exactly how to start, where to begin. How do you define a life?

My children have insisted that I spend time writing down all of the things that have mattered to me most in my life. They worry, I know, that I am depressed. But far from it! I assure them. I am not depressed, but inspired, reflective, even. They don't believe me. Eva comes around most weekends, checking in on me, on my health and state of mind. As my eldest, she feels that this is her one duty in life—to take care of others, and to guard the well-being of her family. Baron is here on Tuesdays, usually, to help out around the house. If I need something fixed, he is more than willing to do so. This is his own duty as the eldest male—to fix the brokenness. Leala will often call or write, sometimes more than once a week. She's moved, raising a family and helping out wherever she is needed. That's my Leala—the helper, the kind-spirit, the friend. Noah is still and will forever be my baby. Though he too is grown, he still drives in on occasion, if he is passing through for work. My Noah—the peace-maker—bless his heart and his kind soul will always be there for his siblings, and for me.

And I can see you, wondering about my husband, guessing that I am either divorced or a widow. The funny thing is that I will always be married to Greg, through the love that we shared for one another. Ah, yes, now you understand—I am a widow. At some point in time, I suppose that I knew I would become one, but when the reality of it hits you full force, then you tend to become blindsided, terrified, even. This is why my children think that I am depressed. It hasn't been long—a year, two months, and twelve days. Yes, I still keep track of the time, as if he was only gone for a vacation, or a trip. But I am old, I know, and he was old too. It was his time. I can only wonder when mine will be.

My children feel that I am depressed for various reasons: I do not socialize much anymore. Though, I insist to them that I was never really much of an extrovert to begin with, they assure me that their mother has seen better days. Well, of course I have seen better days! I take a look at my wrinkled skin, my aging body, and my whitened hair. Their mother saw better days a long time ago, and they came and went all too quickly. And still, I have no regrets about life. _Forget regret, or life is yours to miss_. It is remarkable that I still remember that, after all of these years.

The ball point pen is still hovering over a tablet of paper. My fingers have not been affected by bone diseases or brittleness like some of the other elderly women that I know of. Thus, I am still able to write with fluidity and swiftness. But the thing is: I don't know exactly _what _to write. I could tell you marvelous stories and tall tales of heroes and heroines and princes and princesses. I know you would like those stories. But I have never encountered a dragon, or a prince, or even a knight for that matter. The stories I tell you will lose interest after you search for the happy ending. My dears, there is no happy ending to any story. There is only an ending. I believe that we choose whether or not that ending is happy. _We_ create our own endings. I wanted my ending to be simple, yet blissful. And as I look around now, I see the simplicity, and as I look through the darkened clouds; I think that I see the bliss. _But how can you be happy when the love of your life has passed on?_ Ah, see there is the dilemma. How _can _you be happy once you lose love? You must first realize that you can _never lose love_. You can lose people; you can lose friends, acquaintances, children, pets, co-workers: but you can _never _lose love. I may have lost Greg in a physical sense, but I can never lose his love. Love, my darlings, is something that can never die. It is incapable of the jaws of death. Death stares Love in the face and Love stares right back. Death can take everything from you. I am starting to deteriorate physically: my hearing is becoming impaired, my eyesight is not what it used to be, and my knees and back are aching. You see? Death can begin to take away my body. But Death can never take my love for anyone away. My love for Greg, for my children, for my grandchildren—it will never go away.

I drop my pen on the spot next to me on my porch swing. I can't begin to describe everything in my life that has happened. There have been immense moments of joy, bright, bubbling, and smiling until my face hurt. I smile softly as I recall those moments. And then there were moments of pain, of hurt, of loss. My smile fades and I remember those moments as well. And then, I smile once more. Everything that I have done has brought me to this very porch swing, on this very little house. People who don't believe in a grander plan sure must not believe in a plan at all, for all of the mismatched pieces of my life have fit together and created a jigsaw puzzle: my life. Some of my pieces have ragged edges, aged from wear and tear. Some of my pieces are stained, by tears or by others. And then there are some that are mended, after being broken clean in half. They have been reconstructed and are set into their proper place in the puzzle. And when I take one look at my life, askew as it may be, the puzzle looks spectacular, brilliant, with every piece fitting exactly where it should, in the exact manner that it should.

I drink deeply of the night air, hearing crickets chirp their songs from somewhere in the bushes. A car whizzes past my street, loud music blaring from the front. I stare straight ahead, eyes fixed on the stars in the sky. I wonder, sometimes, if Greg can see me, if he is watching me. I look at a particularly radiant star and wave my hand slightly. I am sure that he knows I'm still here. And the star keeps shining, a symbol that he is watching me, and will always be watching over me.

I close my eyes and exhale. Life has taught me a lot, and I try and go through my life, once more, making sure that I remember every heartache, and every excitement. Because I know that I need to remember these things for the sake of my grandchildren. They want to hear stories of their grandmother, stories of the past. And I feel that after all of these years; I have been running, chasing something, something that is unreachable.

I have been chasing hope.

I have been running after the one thing that I want most of all in this life: hope. A hope to survive, a hope for the present, and a hope for the future—that is what I have been chasing. That is what we _all_ chase. Of course, being humans, we chase the intangible. It's what makes us human. We strive to reach something that we already have. I already have hope, and I already have love, and I already have joy. And yet, I keep stretching my arms out, hoping to _touch _that hope or to _feel _that hope, as if it were a soft afghan or a satin sheet. But hope is not tangible; I can not let my fingers dance on it. It lives on, inside of my heart, and it is what keeps me alive from day to day.

My eyes are still closed and I think of the person that I once was. My skin smoothes out, my hair plaits itself into two neat little braids, long and brunette once more. My eyes become bright, once again, sparkling like emeralds, and my figure is petite. I am small, young, and alive. But I feel a tug on my braid as I study a ladybug crawling up my hand.

"Hey science geek!"

I turn around to see a blond-haired girl with flashing blue eyes. She sniggers at me, and her company of girls laugh too. I don't say anything and continue to look at the bug, with interest, eyes swimming with tears.

"You're a loser, and you always will be," the girl hissed into my ear and sauntered away. I kept my eyes fixed on the ground.

This was where it begins.


	2. Someone Like You

_Snowbear96: hugs Anna too Glad you like!_

_Troo: Thank you. It's a very deep way to begin a fanfiction. Haha._

_Demolished-soul: Aw, thank you! I can't wait to write it!_

_Summertales: Thank you. smiles_

_sparkyCSI: Thanks, and I hope that it will be a long story too!_

**Thanks for the input everyone! It's really helpful. I am glad that you enjoyed the first chapter. I know it may have been a tad rambly at points, but I am so glad you all liked it. Anyway, Anna's life wasn't the easiest, and I can't jump right into adding the New York characters to the mix—not yet anyway. First, let's take a journey into Anna's childhood, shall we? Read and review: that's an order! **_Lyrics and title belong to the wonderful creators of the musical "Jekyll and Hyde". _

Chapter 1: Someone Like You

_But if someone like you found someone like me,_

_Then suddenly, nothing would ever be the same_

_My heart would take wing, and I'd feel so alive_

_If someone like you found me._

That was always the prayer of my childhood, of my adolescence. I would cry many nights for someone to come and find me, a friend, and in my adolescence; I prayed for love, a love to come along and take me away. Of course, I found my love later on in life, but when I was younger, I didn't have that love. The closest two things that I had to me were taken away: my mother and Elizabeth.

A feisty red-haired ten-year old looked scathingly down at the ground, dark eyes fixed on a young boy who was scrambling to his feet, clutching a bloody nose.

"And if you _ever _make fun of Anna again, I'll hit you harder!" the young girl yelled at the retreating back of Jimmy Finch. The young girl brushed her hands on the side of her polka-dot dress and walked over to where I was sitting, tears clinging to my eyelashes. Elizabeth put her arms around my shoulders and I sniffled.

"It's alright Anna, he's gone," my best friend assured me. I looked up at her smiling face. "I decked him good this time. You should have seen him run away like a little sissy." I laughed, and furiously wiped away the last of my tears. Jimmy Finch wasn't really all that bad, but he teased me constantly, pushing me out of line and calling me names. But when Elizabeth, a tough girl from New York, moved down to Miami, she befriended me. I had always wondered why. Elizabeth was self-dependent, unique, and able to hold her own against anyone; male or female. I, on the other hand, was a complete wimp, letting people push me around without so much as a whisper in my defense. Elizabeth taught me early in life to stand up for myself, and if I couldn't, to find someone who would stand up for me.

And that's how it went throughout elementary school: Elizabeth and Anna—the inseparable. I was book-smart, and she was street-smart. I was the one who tutored her in science and she was the one who tutored me in life. Her house always had cookies and mine always had milk, so we would take both necessities and meet at the park between our apartments. We were the dynamic duo, and always would be.

And then, there was my other love: my mother. My mother was a quiet, yet hard-working woman with soft dark curls falling gracefully below her shoulders. Her eyes were gray, but she claimed that they would change colors with her mood. Ever since I was young, my mother would read and sing to me. That was where my obsessions began: books and music. I told my mother when I was four that I wanted to be a doctor. The next day, as we ate dinner, I told her that I wanted to be a painter. As we drove in the car to pre-school, I told her that I wanted to be a scientist. We pulled up to a red light and she looked in the rearview mirror at me and said: _Sweetheart, you can be whatever you want to be, just love what you do._

I will never forget her words, ever. Those words are what shaped me into just who I am today, an ex-CSI, ex-teacher sitting on her porch swing. She encouraged me to do _anything_ with my life, as long as I loved what I was doing. I never used her words as an excuse to do drugs, because it "felt good." To me, that was just plain abuse, an atrocity of my mother's wishes for my life. _Anything I wanna be Mamma?_ My green eyes were wide from the backseat and I stared at her curiously. _My darling, if you want to fly to the moon, if you want to paint the sky, or if you want to be a dog groomer, you do it. I will support you no matter what you do._ My mother's voice was sincere, and she smiled at me from the front seat. Years later, she held onto her promise of supporting me. I would spend nights at Elizabeth's house, sprawled out on my sleeping bag on her floor, wondering if my mother promised as she did because she regretted her life.

My mother had me when she was seventeen. I never knew my father, mainly because he wanted nothing to do with me. He had tried to convince my mother to give me up for adoption, but Mamma had insisted on keeping me.

"_You can't take care of a baby, you're only a baby yourself!" he spat at Gina. Gina stared at him, eyes narrowed._

"_I will take care of this child, and I will raise her to be a wonderful young woman. You'll see," she hissed. Jack took one more look at his girlfriend._

"_I want nothing to do with this child. You wanna keep her, then you keep her," he retorted, before storming out of the house. _

Jack, my father, never came around. Mamma never spoke of him. I never asked. I knew that it was painful for her, so I just let it be.

Pain and hurt followed me around though. A few weeks into my fourth grade year, Elizabeth slipped me a note during history class.

_I'm moving._

My eyes widened, and my mouth felt dry. No. Elizabeth couldn't leave me. There had to be some mistake, some huge mistake. Elizabeth was my best friend. She was like a sister I never had. She was the reason that I enjoyed coming to school, probably the only true friend that I had in elementary school. I scribbled back.

_What? When? Where?_

Elizabeth looked sadly at the paper and scrawled her answer back in her hot pink gel pen.

_My daddy got a job in Texas. We're leaving soon. I dunno how soon. I'm sorry._

I read the note, lump forming in my throat. I choked back my tears and looked over across the aisle to Elizabeth. My best friend stared back at me, face filled with sadness.

_Can I still come over tonite?_

Elizabeth smiled and wrote down her answer.

_Duh._

I managed a smile as I read Elizabeth's answer. I wrote back once more.

_BFF?_

Elizabeth scribbled on her paper and tossed it back to me, a wide grin on her face.

_ALWAYS. See ya at 7._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I sat at the foot of Elizabeth's bed, playing with her favorite doll, as I combed its hair slowly.

Elizabeth flopped down on her bed and studied me for a moment. "You'll _always _be my friend, right?"

I looked up, a shocked expression on my face. "Of course!" I cried. "Once a BFF, always a BFF," I replied solemnly. Elizabeth smiled and hugged me.

"I love you Anna," she said with tears forming in her eyes. "I'm gonna die in Texas."

I smiled sadly and hugged back. "You won't die. Maybe I can hide in your suitcase," I suggested. That caused us both to giggle. We soon turned our attention to the television set in Elizabeth's room. A knock was heard at the door of her bedroom, and in came Elizabeth's mother, a terrified expression on her face.

"Anna, sweetheart…" she began. We both looked up. "…that was the phone…for you…it's about your mommy," she began slowly, trying hard to conceal a façade. I sat up abruptly.

"What is it?" I asked.

"…she passed away."

**Well, you all knew that was coming. Sorry about the abrupt ending, but I have to go to work! Ahhh. Haha. Anyway, review please!**


	3. Goodbye to You

_demolished-soul: Well, this is mainly the reason I decided to write this story, because I only gave you the grown-up version of Anna, so the readers know the 23/24 year old. She grows up a lot throughout the years, so I wanted to bring forth that. Glad you like! (smiles)_

_sparkyCSI: I like writing the back-story! LOL. Actually, it's getting interesting because I have to keep checking back on "Stories" to make sure I get all my facts straight and that I fill in all the gaps._

_summertales: Aw, (hugs Anna) everyone feels bad for her. I even feel bad for her and I created her! LOL._

_Axellia: (claps) Hoorah! I'm glad you like. I still love your story too, and can't wait to read more of it. _

**Well, I am glad that you all are getting into this! Hooray! Anyway, every chapter of this story will be a song and part of the song lyrics will be posted at the beginning of the chapter. Without any more hesitation, here is the next chapter of Anna's life! **_Disclaimer: I do not own the song. That belongs to Michelle Branch!_

Chapter 2: Goodbye to You

_And I said, goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_

_You were the one I loved,_

_The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

_Goodbye to you._

Goodbyes.

Everyone has to face them at some time in their lives. I had to face my first painful goodbye while I was still in the womb—I said goodbye to a father who I would never know. I said my next goodbye when I was a few months old—my grandparents passed away in a car accident. I never knew these people, so it wasn't as if their absences haunted me throughout my life. But the more painful goodbyes came when I was ten years old.

I said goodbye to my best friend and my mother.

The two most important people in my life left at the same time, leaving nothing behind but memories for me to cling to. I flailed my arms around wildly, blindly, begging for one of them to come back for me, to keep me safe, to hold me.

But they never came back.

I spent most of the time before the funeral over at Elizabeth's house, among packed cardboard boxes and bubble wrap. Most times, we just sat and did our homework. Elizabeth's mother had wanted to call the school. _"Anna, darling, are you sure you wouldn't just like to stay home from school? You don't have to go if you don't feel up to it. You've been through quite an ordeal…"_ I would insist on going to school. Mainly, this kept my mind away from thoughts of Mamma. Somehow, I thought that if I continued school, and if I kept my mind focused on homework, rather than memories, that maybe, just maybe that would bring her back. It was foolish hope, I realized, but like I said earlier; I chased hope.

If you ask me who my parents are, I may give you many different answers, depending on the time period in my life. _I have only ever known a mother, my Mamma. My father abandoned me before I was born._ That answer is true, of course. I will always refer to my mother as Mamma, for she is my true birth-mother, the one who raised me up until her tragic death. She protected me, gave me love, and taught me to reach for the stars. I was the love of her life, and she was mine. But when Mamma went to the convenience store on the night I slept over at Elizabeth's, a few gang members robbed it. Mamma was killed in the process. I watched her body, her smooth face, gentle curls, and bony fingers be lowered in a casket and into her grave. Eternal rest. I knew that my Mamma was at rest now, at peace.

If you asked me who my parents were, I might reply with a smile. _Claire and Jacob Davis are my parents._ After my mother's death, I was sent to live with the only living relatives of my mother's—distant second cousins. Claire was nothing like my mother—bright blue eyes, striking blonde hair, and lanky legs—Claire was like a walking Barbie doll. Bu her kindness never ceased to amaze me. She opened her house, her arms, and her heart to a lonely little orphan. She taught me how to cook, how to sew, and how to dream again. Jacob was tall, with black hair and deep brown eyes. He would let me sit on his lap while he read me the newspaper. I would tell him far-fetched stories, and he would nod along and smile. They were my supporters, my family, my caregivers.

If you asked me who my parents were, I might sigh with a far-off look in my eyes. _Horatio Caine and Calleigh Duquesne are my parents._ Although they are not married, Horatio and Calleigh will always be the people who raised me in my knowledge of science. They grew me up to fall in love with processing crime scenes and catching the criminal. I still can recall the day of the burial, as I looked across the rows of tombstones to see a man with red hair staring intently at me. I remembered his promise, and I remembered my promise to _him_. I would work my hardest at school, just as my mother would have wanted. When teenage years came, I dug through drawers to find Horatio's number. I felt a tug, and it was in the direction of the crime lab.

"_Caine," the male voice responded._

"_Horatio Caine, this is Anna Price…I don't know if you remember me or not…the orphan girl you met a long time ago. I was wondering…this may sound stupid, but I wanted to know if I could – uh – maybe assist at your lab," I started weakly. "Not dust for prints or run results or stuff like that," I added hurriedly, "but maybe bagging evidence or…that kinda thing." I knew I was babbling, but I didn't care. _

_There was silence on the other end for a moment and I silently cursed. I knew that I could never do anything to help out. I was just a teenager after all; what did I know about crime scenes?_

"_Yes."_

_That was the answer I had been waiting for, and not necessarily the answer that I had been expecting. I gawked and stuttered out a response before hanging up the phone. I smiled like I had never smiled before and proceeded to tell Aunt Claire and Uncle Jacob the wonderful news. _

Horatio and Calleigh had supported me whenever I was at the lab. They looked out for this orphaned teenager by filling me in on cases and expanding my knowledge of the scientific world. Once, I caught Horatio studying me. He had done this once before and had replied: _"Your mother would be proud of you."_ This time though, he settled into the chair beside mine. The Floridian sunlight streamed through the windows and filtered into the lab.

"_Have you ever considered becoming a CSI?" he asked me. I looked up, wide-eyed._

"_Really?" I couldn't believe that Horatio thought that I had what it took to become a crime scene investigator—one of them._

"_Yes. I think you have what it takes, and," he stood up from his chair and looked at me honestly, "I think that your mother would agree with me."_

_I sat there for a while, bagging evidence, and thought about what Horatio had said. I made my decision. I was going to do it._

If you asked me who my parents were, I might consider my answer for a moment and then answer solemnly. _Mac Taylor and Stella Bonasera were my parents because they looked out for me._ This was true as well. Mac and Stella took me under their wings when I arrived in New York and joined their team. As the youngest member of the team, I suppose that they felt it was their duty to protect me. But I always felt that they truly cared about me, as if somehow, I was their adopted daughter who they always looked out for. When Mac watched me leave his team, there was a distinct presence of sorrow in his eyes that I had never seen before. Stella had that same look in her eyes. It was because they were losing their daughter.

Maybe we use the term "parents" too loosely, because people will give me strange looks if I tell them that I had four sets of parents. But truly, these people are who shaped me into who I am today, and I couldn't have imagined living my life without them by my side.

But in a time for goodbyes, there are also times for introductions; a time to begin again.

My college years were no different.

**Time to stop there for today! You get to experience college life in the next chapter as Anna moves into the Big Apple! Leave comments please!**


	4. Letting Go

_summertales: Yeah, Anna sure has a lot of pairs of parents. But it's good because everyone is looking out for her!_

_meadow567 and chili-peppers: Haha. I was wondering where you two faithful reviewers went! But I am glad you both like the story so far. :)_

_Axellia: Awh, I think that's what I love so much about this character, is that she has unwavering strength, and yet she is able to enjoy life at the same time. Thanks for the review!_

_demolished-soul: Yep, goodbyes are always hard, but Anna's story is just about to begin again, only with some new characters added to it!_

_sparkyCSI: Haha. Yeah, I'm pretty much going through all of the events of "Stories" except that they are used as back-stories (if that makes sense), and filling in all of the missing gaps. Elizabeth's departure will be explained in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy it._

_Troo: Thank you! (smiles) I'm glad you like my writing, and since I plan on becoming a writer someday, that is a good thing to know! Haha._

**Thanks to everyone who is reviewing. You guys make my day, seriously. But now, it is onward and forward into the life of our dear Anna. What happens once she moves to the Big Apple? Well, you will just have to see, won't you? Please read and review and let me know what you think! **_Disclaimer: I sadly do not own this chapter title or the lyrics. Once again, I wish that I did own "Jekyll and Hyde" but I don't!_

Chapter 3: Letting Go

_But if we want our love to grow,_

_I know in time I have to let you go._

_We mustn't be afraid of letting go._

How easy it was for me to become afraid of letting go.

I wanted to move on, yet at the same time, I wanted to be like Lot's wife and turn around to see what I was leaving behind. Lot kept urging his wife; I am sure, to press onward and to not look back at the desolate cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. But she turned around and in an instant, was turned into a pillar of salt. Now there was only one question: would I turn around and look back?

All of my life had been lived in Miami, under the humid, scorching sun, with thick, muggy nights out under the stars, mosquitoes buzzing in my ears. I sat outside on Aunt Claire's favorite rocking chair and rolled back and forth, the old wood creaking slightly beneath me. I held a letter in my hands, and hadn't opened it since it had arrived. I wanted to tear it open and reveal its contents, but at the same time, I didn't want to find out what was inside.

Jacob sat beside me on the porch, a glass of sweet tea in his hand. My uncle Jacob was rarely seen without a glass of Florida's sweet tea. He sighed and took a sip of his drink, just staring ahead at the setting sun. My eyes were fixed on the pond behind our house, with the slight breeze moving the water in little ripples.

"Aren't you gonna ever open that?" Jacob asked in his thick southern accent. He was staring at me now, dark eyes meeting mine. I bit my lip and sighed: my trademark pose.

"What if they turn me down?" I asked with hesitance prominent in my voice. I wouldn't; no, I _couldn't_ accept any more hardships in life. "This is the program I have been waiting for my entire life," I explained to him, turning the letter over in my hands.

"Pace would be stupid not to accept you, Anna," Jacob reassured me. Pace University was the one college that I had been counting on admittance to. It was a school in New York that offered a degree in Forensic Science, with plenty of internships and job opportunities at crime labs in the city. I had dreamed of going there for four years, and their letter was in my hand. The only question that remained unanswered was if I would go there or not.

Jacob slid the letter out of my hand and looked at me straight in the eye. "Now, I'm gonna open this and tell you what it says. Okay?"

I nodded, my mouth feeling dry. I crossed my fingers for good measure, and watched Jacob tear open the letter. He pulled out a piece of paper and read it, face unreadable. I cringed and looked at him.

"Well," he said with a sigh, "I guess Claire and I have gotta learn to let our girl go…"

My eyes widened. "You mean…"

Jacob beamed and held up my letter of acceptance. "You got in!"

I squealed and took the letter from his hands, reading it for myself. Jacob smiled at me and pulled me into a hug. "I knew you could do it Anna."

I jumped up and down like a giddy little schoolgirl, and rushed inside to tell Aunt Claire the great news. I would be moving to New York, the city of lights, the city that would hold my future, my career, and my life for the next four years.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I yawned, stretched, and pulled myself out of bed, rubbing my eyes. I stumbled into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. Staring back at me in the mirror was an eighteen-year old college freshman who had a massive case of bed head. I grabbed my brush and combed out my brunette hair, walking around my dorm room as I did so. I stared out the window and sighed.

"Whatchadoingoverthere?" Maggie asked in one drawn-out sentence. My roommate sat up slowly in her bed, hands reaching over her head, stretching. She yawned and flopped back down on her pillow.

"Maggie, we have to get up," I said, yawning myself. The clock on our table read 7:15. As we both had an 8 o'clock class, we dreaded Mondays. Maggie sighed dramatically and pulled herself slowly from her bed.

"Alright, let's get this party started," she said, voice still ragged with sleep deprivation. I could only smile. Maggie was a sweet girl, with a feisty spirit, and a bright mind. When we had originally met each other, we knew that we would hit it off as roommates. We both were new to the city—she was from a small town in Arizona, and I of course was from Miami. We talked about our lives, our struggles, and our families on the first night we roomed together. I realized then that she was like my Elizabeth—my balance.

Elizabeth was in Texas, still, attending Baylor University. We had corresponded with one another in high school, but since we both began our freshman years of college, the letters and e-mails became scare. We were both too busy with our lives. It wasn't as if our friendship had reached a bitter end; the sand in the hourglass had simply fallen—we had no more time left. I would always love Elizabeth for who she was to me, and what she did for me during my youth. As I was moving on with my life, so was she. And I could smile, knowing that we would both be alright.

Life in New York was exactly what I had expected—fast-paced and full of adventure. Maggie and I would have what we called an "exploration night" almost once every week, and during that day we would explore the heartbeat of New York City. We visited the Statue of Liberty and pointed like tourists at every detail that we noticed. We walked down Broadway together, ate lunch in Central Park, visited the Brooklyn Museum of Art, saw a breath-taking view from the top of the Empire State Building, and walked through Chinatown and Little Italy. We had been to every cliché New York tourist spot and had taken pictures at all of them to send back to our families. It was hard to describe, but Maggie brought out the adventure-ish side to me.

I sighed as I walked out of my early morning class. I pulled my sweatshirt on and sat on a bench—_my_ bench. As possessive as it sounded, the bench had my name written all over it. After my first class, I would always wind up there, pondering life and more specifically _my _life. I know it sounds selfish, but it was routine, a ritualistic thing for me every Monday morning after class. I tucked a strand behind my ear as I sat listening to the birds chirp, and kept my eyes fixed on the sun—always fixed on the sun.

"Penny for your thoughts?" a male voice asked, shaking me out of my own little world. I looked up to see _the guy_. It was the same guy that I had seen at Barnes and Noble, the same guy that I had thought smiled at me as I walked to class, and the same guy who Maggie pointed out to me. He was tall, with floppy blonde hair and hazel eyes. He was smiling at me, and sat down next to me, glancing over at the book in my hands.

"Forensic science, eh?" he asked. I smiled and nodded at him.

"Yeah, I'm planning on majoring in it, so I bought this book from the bookstore. I thought it looked interesting." The guy nodded and extended his hand.

"Aaron Folk."

I smiled warmly and shook his hand. "Annabelle Price, but most people just call me Anna."

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you," he said sincerely. I looked at him, my eyebrows raised.

"_Finally_?" I echoed with a little laugh. He looked bashfully at the ground.

"Yeah, well, I apologize that I haven't gotten the nerve to talk to you sooner."

It was my turn to appear bashful now, and I looked at my forensic science book with more interest than I should. Aaron looked up at me and exhaled.

"Do you…do you wanna get somethin' to eat?" he asked. "I know this great little place not too far from here…"

"Sure," I said with a sincere smile. "I would love to."

Aaron grinned and we stood up from the bench, talking about our classes, our professors, and our lives. I couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, a little touch of New York was all I needed to help my life. Maybe letting go wasn't so bad after all, especially because there was something else just around the corner to hold on to.

**And there we shall stop for today! I wanted to end on a nice, light note, since it seems like Anna has finally found out that maybe New York is going to be her place to start over. And yet, ironically, in the end, she ends up going back to Miami to start over from her pains in New York. Jeez, this character is fun to write! I am glad that you all love Anna—I love her dearly too! Keep those reviews comin' and I will keep on writing! **


	5. Brave

_demolished-soul: You know, I'm not sure how long freshman year will play out for. This chapter will still be about her first year, but after that, it's up to where my muse takes me! Yep, New York is good for Anna, as she will continue to explain in this chapter._

_chili-peppers: Thank you so much! I am glad you're enjoying this story!_

_meadow567: Haha. Thanks for the review!_

_sparkyCSI: Well, I can't say that I have experienced college life and goodbyes to friends yet (that comes this year, sadly) but I think Elizabeth is still one of the people that shaped Anna's life, regardless of her absence in Anna's older years. Thanks for the review, and I am glad you're enjoying it!_

**Well, as the summer is winding down – I only have less than two weeks before school starts – I must unfortunately go back to school on July 31st, so at around that time, this story will go on hiatus. When I have time to update on the weekends or during the week, I will, but it might be scattered. So, just to give y'all a heads up so you don't think I died or something. Haha. Anyway, keep those reviews coming please, since I love them! **_Disclaimer: I do not own this title or song lyrics, since they are property of Nichole Nordeman!_

Chapter 4: Brave

_So long status quo,_

_I think I just let go._

_You make me wanna be brave._

_The way it always was,_

_Is no longer good enough_

_You make me wanna be brave._

Thanks to New York, I was able to harness some of the courage I had lost in my younger years. Thanks to the strength that it took for me to constantly move about my daily routine, I was able to grow and mature as a person. Even as I looked back upon my first few months in New York, I was beginning to see a change. This new Anna was someone who could stand up with confidence and speak for herself. She wasn't the shy, meek, hesitant young girl that she had been—no, this new Anna was a fighter, a strong young woman, and I planned on keeping this new Anna around for quite a while.

Maggie propped herself up on her elbows and stared at me. I was seated at one of two desks in our dorm room and was sifting through sights on the internet about forensic science careers and internships. I knew it was early – I was only a freshman and hadn't even really begun to take any forensics courses – but I was determined to get a head start. Maggie was lying on her bed, studying me.

"You can't stop smiling," she said with a grin. I looked over at her and flicked my ponytail back.

"What?" I asked innocently, as if I hadn't heard the question correctly. I, of course, _had _heard Maggie, a playful grin tugging at my lips.

"Who's the guy?" Maggie asked, smile growing wider. I smirked at her and turned back towards my laptop. Maggie's eyes widened and she made a little squeak. "Oh, no you didn't!" She stood up from where she was lying on her bed and moved over to where I was. Hands defiantly on her hips, she glowered at me. I stifled a laugh.

Maggie tried the less threatening approach, and instead pleaded with a pout. I merely rolled my eyes at her. "Oh, come on!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. I loved to torture Maggie, but I figured that she ought to know the truth, so I faced her with a smile.

"Remember the guy you pointed out to me before, when we were walking back from lunch?"

Maggie frowned in concentration. "What did he look like?"

"Tall, blonde hair, hazel eyes, plays guitar…"

"Oh!" Maggie exclaimed, knowledge dawning on her. "Aaron, you mean?"

I nodded and followed my nod with a smile. Maggie noted this and sat down in the other desk chair with a smile. "Ooh, does Anna have a _boyfriend_?" Maggie cooed. I simply rolled my eyes and looked at Maggie's smiling face. When Maggie noticed my lack of answer, her smile faded and she furrowed her eyebrows.

"You _are _dating him, right? That's why you can't stop smiling?"

I exhaled and decided to avoid concentrating on my studies for the moment. Sometimes, you just need a little girl talk.

"Maggie," I began, "I don't know. I mean, he's asked me out before to meals and stuff, and other than that, we really don't see each other all that much. But when we _do _see each other, we seem to have fun together."

Maggie was puzzled. "So, what's the problem? It seems to me that he likes you, but maybe he hasn't gotten the nerve to officially ask you out yet," she noted with a shrug of her shoulders. I played with my necklace.

"The thing is, I don't know if I _want _him to ask me out," I said quietly. If Maggie wasn't confused before, she sure was now, and I could see it in her eyes. "I mean, I _want _him to ask me out, but I _don't_ at the same time," I added hurriedly. I sighed and threw my hands up in the air. "Am I completely crazy, or what?"

Maggie shook her head and looked at me. "You're _not _crazy," she assured me. "You're just insecure."

There was that word, the word that defined my life: _insecure_. When I moved to New York, I wanted to be free, brave, and to break free of all of my past. My past scared me, haunted me. Why? Simply because of all the terrible things that happened to me. I was surprised that I was still in one piece. People in my hometown would look at me, eyes filled with sympathetic tears as they watched the young orphan girl make something of her life. The jeers and taunts of my classmates were hushed, if only because their parents made them befriend me. _"Don't you dare make fun of that girl Annabelle. She's lost her mother, and I do not want to hear that you caused her any trouble. Do you hear me?" _I suppose that I was thankful for the taunting to end, but instead of feeling comforted, I simply felt like the main spectacle of the town's pity party. _"George, look at that poor young girl. It's a shame that her mother was taken. Oh, it was just God awful the way that she has grown up, no mother, no father. The poor child never knew her father either. What a shame, what a shame…"_ The elderly women in town meant well, I know, but all I ever accomplished in life seemed null and void next to their constant whisperings and daunting waves of pity.

Maggie knew all of this, of course, because I had told her. She was staring at me with compassionate eyes. I mentally kicked myself. Why did I have to get into this discussion with a potential Psychology major. I knew Maggie would analyze me, if only through her stares. But instead of analyzing me and my problems, Maggie continued to speak.

"You're insecure because you ran away from your problems, didn't you?" She was studying my face now, and I knew that she meant well, truly; she did. But I was one of those people – in my adolescent years, at least – who wanted to close herself off to the outside world, and pretend like her life was peachy. And of course, my life was _anything _but peachy.

I thought back to why I had come to New York in the first place. When I told Horatio of my choice to apply to Pace, he hadn't said anything at first. And then, he spoke to me, not condescendingly, but rather with an air of knowingness: "You want to run away from Miami, don't you?"

I had sat there, contemplating my answer for a long time. Horatio knew me all too well for me to try and skirt around the issue, or play games with him. So, I shot straight. "Yes. And it's not that I want to get away from you, or from Claire or Jacob, or from," I flung my arms out, signifying the vast crime lab around me, "this…I just want to get _away_," I explained, eyes welling up with tears. "I just have to get away, Horatio…I have to get away." I broke down into sobs and Horatio wrapped his arms around me. I never was the type of person to give up easily, to surrender, waving a bright white flag around screaming: _"I give up! Okay? I give up!"_

But my mother's death changed me, even at my young age. I knew that there was going to be a point in my life where I would be faced with a fork in the road, and I would have to choose my own path, create my own destiny. Dust flew to meet my face and I held a hand up to block the scorching sun. I turned around, seeing my mother's smiling face behind me. She only nodded. I took a deep breath and walked forward, towards the pathway that was dark and uncertain. I bit my lip, not knowing where this new path would take me. I turned around once more to see my mother standing at the fork, waving her hand at me and smiling. _"Do whatever you want to in life, as long as it makes you happy. And I will always be here for you."_ There were some places in life where my mother just couldn't follow me. She knew that I had to make my own decisions, and that she could no longer make them for me. But she would always be there, waiting, and still watching me. And I could only pray that I was making her smile.

"I didn't run away from my problems, Maggie," I explained to her gently. "I tried to run away from my past. My mother died in Miami, my best friend moved away, and I was the scrawny little girl who was always either the schoolyard geek or the town pity. I couldn't stand to be in a place where I was branded. I wanted to get a new start, to feel freedom again, and to maybe discover exactly who I was instead of having people _tell _me what I am. Does that make sense at all?"

Maggie nodded sincerely. "Absolutely, because I know the feeling all too well. Anna, we both ran away to get a new start. I wanted to live outside of a world that had five stoplights in the entire town." I laughed, and Maggie continued. "So, I came to New York, which has a _lot _more than five stoplights, and has equally a lot to offer to me. But, we can't let our pasts dictate our presents and our futures," Maggie said with a sad smile. I blinked. No one had summed up my entire life quite like Maggie had in that one simple sentence. _We can't let our pasts dictate our presents and our futures._

I nodded at her and she continued. "If you want the less philosophical version," she said with a grin, "then take a leaf out of Mimi and Roger's books."

I looked at her, puzzled. "Mimi and Roger?" I echoed. Maggie stood up and turned our stereo on. Out came the opening chords of a song that I didn't recognize. Maggie turned up the volume.

_There's only us, there's only this._

_Forget regret, or life is yours to miss._

_No other road, no other way._

_No day but today._

_I can't control my destiny_

_I trust my soul, my only goal…_

"Musical?" I asked with a grin. Maggie had recently gotten me hooked onto a bunch of different Broadway showtunes, and I guessed that the CD was from a musical.

"Rent," Maggie explained, flopping down onto her bed once more. "But really, shouldn't that be our goal? We should live with no regrets, because if we do, then life is just going to pass us by."

I nodded and looked at her. "I guess you're right," I admitted. "I can't let my past scare me away from something potentially great."

"You shouldn't, and I shouldn't either," Maggie said solemnly. "I was hurt in my past too, you know. I think I need to learn to trust people, and to move on with life, even if it is hard to do."

"Yeah," I said thoughtfully, "and I need to not be afraid to get emotionally involved with people. I need to remember to not distance myself from others, and to remember that it's okay to want to be close to someone. Just because I am close to someone doesn't mean that I will get hurt all the time…"

"Right," Maggie finished for me. She sat up once more. "Then let's make a pact, right now." I stared at her determined face. Maggie continued enthusiastically. "Let's make a pact to forgetting our pasts, and to looking towards our futures. We won't be afraid of what's to come, and we won't let our pasts rule our lives forever."

We both stood up and stared at each other. Maggie extended her hand and I grasped it willingly. "Here's to not looking back," she said with her head held high. I shook her hand and added: "And here's to _always _looking ahead." We shook hands and beamed at each other.

Just a simple handshake was all it took, and my past was finally shaken away from me.

**Yay for Anna letting go! Now she can finally live her life the way that she wants, without constantly doubting herself. Yep, Anna is great. Next chapter…well, whenever you all send me those reviews! **


	6. Some Hearts

_sparkyCSI: Carpe diem, of course! Thanks for the review!_

_Axellia: Yeah, FF was being a jerk, but I am glad you were able to get on. As for the sweet tea thing, I still don't get it! Haha. I live in FL, so EVERYONE drinks it, but I really don't like it. (makes a face) Anyway, thank you oh-so-much for the review, and don't worry, the CSI casts will come into play shortly!_

_Megan-16-16: Thank you! (smiles)_

_meadow567: Awh, thanks._

_demolished-soul: Yeah, FF officially hates everyone. Haha. But I am glad that they got it fixed eventually! Yep, Anna just needs a good female in her life to help encourage her. And her past may come back into play later on, but she's learning how to deal, which is great. Thanks for the review!_

_chili-peppers: Thank you! (smiles)_

**So, thank you to everyone again for reviewing this story! It makes my day to see so many nice comments in my inbox. Anyway, we're going to press the fast forward button on Anna's life, so we're now in the summer before her senior year of college. This is basically to start incorporating the CSI: NY team into it soon. Please comment and let me know what you think! **_Disclaimer: I don't own the title, or the lyrics, or Carrie Underwood – duh. _

Chapter 5: Some Hearts

_Some hearts, they just get all the right breaks_

_Some hearts have the stars on their side_

_Some hearts, they just have it so easy_

_Some hearts just get lucky sometimes._

I sat; knees curled up to my chest, and stared out over the New York skyline. The sun was setting, and the light sky began to fade into a dark, deep violet, contrasting the bright orange and pink sky behind it. I was outside on my "balcony". Of course, it was more or less a fire escape, but I liked to refer to it as something classier, so the term "balcony" sufficed.

Taking a sip of my chai latte, I exhaled, eyes trailing over the steady stream of cars below me. It wasn't quiet; that much was certain. Many times in Miami, I had been able to sit outside on warm nights and just listen to the chirp of crickets in the pond behind our house. But New York was, well, _different_. Instead of cricket chirps, I heard the rumble of car engines, and the bustle of heels clicking against the pavement. The voices carried up to my apartment window, but by the time they reached my floor, dulled out into murmurings, buzzing. Still, it was an odd sort of comfort, an odd sort of company on nights like these.

I thought about everything and anything on my fire escape – uh – _balcony_. It was my quiet place, though it wasn't quiet at all. It was here that I loved to sit, sip my drinks, while I played music through the stereo inside. Most nights, I would order Chinese take-our and sit outside and eat it, just listening, observing the New York lifestyle. New York was busy, but it was a different _sort _of busy, where everyone had an agenda, and _knew _exactly where they were going, so they went off in search of that place. I remembered busyness in Miami: hurry, rush, anxiety. And although New Yorkers could be just as anxious, the people I watched walk below me seemed to be striding with utmost confidence and superiority. They had a plan.

And it was then, that I kept thinking about my own plan.

I stared at my latte before deciding to take another hesitant sip. I loved chai tea lattes, but I wanted to make sure that I would be able to stomach it. After processing my scene today, I really doubted my abilities to be a CSI. The victim was only a child…a small, young, naïve and innocent little girl. And I was the one who had to process the scene of her death. It made me sick to see all of the blood, so much blood for such a small child. I vomited into a trashcan at first sight of all of the blood. Why would someone kill a child? But I processed the scene, trying to emotionally distance myself from the case, working effortlessly to collect any pieces of evidence that I could gather. While some people worked in offices, in neat little confined spaces with labeled drawers and manila envelopes; this was my internship; the internship between the living and the deceased.

I sighed once more and stared up at the sky, as the first stars became visible, glistening amidst the velvet night. I stood up and yawned, then decided to settle inside. Closing my door, I sat down on my couch and began to sift through my mail. I smiled when I came across two postcards. Picking up one, I read it to myself.

_Anna,_

_I'm still stuck in the middle of nowhere. God help me. Anyway, I hope your summer is going well, especially your internship. Let me know how it's going for you. I miss you, and can't wait to see you soon! _

_ Maggie_

Ah, good old Maggie was enjoying herself – or at least _trying _to – in her hometown in Arizona. It was something that she felt like she needed to do, instead of constantly trying to run away from her past. She decided that the summer before her senior year was ideal to return to Arizona, even though the heat there would be torture. I smiled and placed Maggie's postcard on my counter. Maggie and I had decided that after our freshman year, it would be good to gain some independence and live off-campus. She fell in love with an apartment two floors down from where mine was, and moved in. I had a feeling that Maggie was the kind of person that I would always be close to, no matter what distance laid between us.

I picked up the second postcard and raised my eyebrows at the peacock pictured on the front of it.

_Anna,_

_So, as I travel, I send you random postcards of animals on them, and this one is no different. I came across a peacock the other day, and thought that this card would suit you well. Peacocks are usually quite gentle in nature, and sometimes (like any animal) can be relatively stubborn. But any other animal pales in comparison to the beauty of the peacock, and that's why I thought of you. Take care, and I love you._

_--Aaron_

I smiled and read Aaron's card a couple of times before placing it next to Maggie's on the countertop. Aaron and I were dating, and enjoying it immensely. During his summer, Aaron decided to take a road trip across the west with his brother and his brother's best friend. They figured that since it was close to their final year of college, there would be no better time to do so. He had invited me, and I sadly declined, deciding to work at my internship for the duration of the summer instead. I wished I had been able to go with him, to see the west, but sadly, once again, work consumed my life.

I sighed and flicked on the television.

I guess that my heart got lucky, with Aaron, because he was such a wonderful person to be around. More or less, he was my _friend _before he was my _boy_friend. We laughed, talked, fought, hugged, kissed, and sometimes we just sat. There were times when neither of us would have to speak, yet we could know exactly what the other was thinking. I was thankful for this type of relationship. He was thoughtful, caring, and supportive. I bit my lip and stared blankly at an infomercial. I wondered why I had lost trust in people, especially of the male gender, before. All I could think of for a good excuse was the fact that my father had abandoned me, so perhaps the feeling of abandonment had carried over into my adult years?

I turned off the television and removed myself from the couch. Whatever the case was, I was thankful to have a strong female support and a strong male support in my life. I guess that only time would tell where I would end up, or how I would end up.

But I was willing to be along for the ride until that time came.

**Okay, I have to stop here for today, mainly because I have to go to work. Expect an update either on Monday or Tuesday! And keep those reviews coming!**


	7. In My Life

_meadow567: Thank you!_

_sparkyCSI: Yep, Anna is learning to fend for herself and become her own person. Yeah, Aaron is sweet, but we'll see what breaks them up in this chapter. Thank you for the review!_

_chili-peppers: Thank you so much for the review._

_pnkrckprncss: Awh, thank you! I am glad you enjoyed "Stories" and I'm glad that you're enjoying this one too! I hope this one will turn out great. Haha. _

_Axellia: Well, there shan't be a male in her life after Aaron for a little while. And then our dear Flack will come along! Hoorah! Yeah, Aaron is a sweetheart to Anna, which is just what she needs. I used to live in the middle of nowhere too – actually, it was in the middle of Pennsylvania, but there was like, miles and miles of untouched farmland and no one ever did anything to it. Haha, speeding in Arizona? Sounds like a blast. Thanks for the review!_

_demolished-soul: Anna being by herself will keep coming up every so often, because I think we all just need those moments where we can sit and reflect, without being interrupted. Well, you are about to find out about life after the university in this chapter! Thanks for the review._

_Megan-16-16: Yeah, I have to go back to school in about a week. (grumbles and kicks the stupid Florida school system). Thank you for the review! _

_snowbear96: Yeah, there was a bit of angst there for a while, but there shouldn't be much more angst in the future. My weekend has been going pretty well, but I've been working, so it's gone by quickly. Anyway, thank you for the review, and I am glad you're enjoying this story!_

**Wow guys, thank you so much for your reviews. They truly mean the world to me, to see how interested you all are in this unraveling plot. As for this chapter, we will hit the fast forward button only slightly in parts, just to speed up the process of Anna's life. Keep those reviews coming, since you know that I love them! **_Disclaimer: The title and song lyrics do not belong to me, because they belong to the Beatles. And I don't own the Beatles – duh. _

Chapter 6: In My Life

_There are places I remember all my life,_

_Though some have changed,_

_Some forever, not for better_

_Some have gone, and some remain_

_All these places have their moments,_

_With lovers and friends,_

_I still can recall, some are dead and some are living_

_In my life, I've loved them all._

I sat in my cap and gown, smiling as Maggie and a group of her friends sung on stage. This was our goodbye song, the perfect one for moving on and moving ahead. My class was seated in the stands, all of us transfixed by the words of the song. In all of our lives, we had always striven towards some goal, whether the goal might be personal or professional. And there were always going to be people in our lives that made an impact that made a difference, and changed us forever.

I looked around at my classmates, the people who stayed up late to study at the library, the people down the hall from me during freshman year who would drop extra food off at the room, the people who suffered through internships and classes with me, the people who would occasionally smile and wave at me from park benches, the people who laughed at my jokes, the ones who corrected me when I was wrong, the kind of people who just liked to sit and talk with you…those were the type of people that were going to be dispersed throughout the country, following whatever path their careers would take them.

I looked over at Aaron, who returned my glance with a sad little smile. I broke eye contact with him and stared back instead towards the stage where Maggie and the others were finishing their song. Aaron and I had come to a mutual agreement, although it had not been easy.

"_Anna, I need to tell you something," Aaron said to me one night before graduation. I looked at his hazel eyes curiously and sat down next to him on his couch._

"_What? Is something wrong?" I asked worriedly. He shook his head and took my hands in his._

"_There is a wonderful job opportunity for me…" he began. I smiled, and Aaron continued. "…but it's out west, more specifically, California."_

_I studied his face, and he looked genuinely upset. "I don't want to put a strain on our relationship, because you mean too much to me, but…"_

"…_you don't want to have a relationship with my answering machine," I finished, quoting Ross in an episode of "Friends". I nodded sadly and Aaron pressed on._

"_But I really care about you, Anna. I love you, you know that, right?" he asked. I smiled and nodded, squeezing his hands. _

"_I love you too," I said sincerely, "but this job is something that you have been dreaming of before you were old enough to walk. You're going to be able to be a director...that's something that I would never want to take away from you," I concluded honestly. Aaron was going to be a director out in Hollywood and I knew that this job meant that his dreams had finally come true. I couldn't bear to sit by and be the reason for someone's dreams to fall through. _

"_So, I guess this is it," Aaron said with a sigh, still holding onto my hands. "It's the end…of us," he added, voice barely above a whisper. I leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek._

"_Honey, it's not the end of us. You'll always be my friend," I said looking him straight in the eye. "But think of it as a new chapter in our lives. We'll be alright," I assured him, putting my hand on his face. He smiled and nodded._

"_I'll always be here for you…" Aaron promised, and then thought about his statement. "…okay, so I won't always be on my couch in New York, but you can bet that if you ever need anything, I'm only…"_

"…_a phone call away," I finished for him with a grin. Somehow, our break-up wasn't saddening to me. I really believed what I had said to Aaron. Our careers were going to take all of my friends and I in different directions, but we would always have the bond of friendship to get us through – no matter what came our way._

Aaron gave me a reassuring smile from the stands as I received my college degree with a broad smile. Maggie was grinning at me from the front row, a proud look in her eyes. _Yeah_, I thought to myself, _we'll all be alright_.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I stared up at the looming building in front of me and straightened out my blouse, more out of nervous habit than anything else. Elsie Scott, my next-door-neighbor in my apartment building assured me that I looked wonderful. Maggie had moved out a few months after graduation, choosing to live in upstate New York instead of the city, and Elsie and I instantly became friends, bonding over the strangest things. Maggie was glad to hear that I had found someone who I got along with. I heard a familiar tune and pulled my cell phone out, reading a text message.

_Knock 'em dead kiddo. (No pun intended, of course). Call me when you get through with the interview. I want all the details._

I smiled and put my phone away. True to his word, Aaron was only a phone call away, and still supporting me in everything that I did. We weren't dating, yet neither of us had found anyone else to fill that position in our lives. I guess only time would tell. I took a deep breath and threw open the glass doors of New York's leading crime laboratory. I stopped by the front desk to attain a visitor's badge and pinned it neatly onto my blouse. Balancing my purse delicately on my arm, I pressed the 'up' button to the elevator, and stepped inside when I heard the familiar _ping_ of the door opening.

Once inside, I was thankful that I was the elevator's only occupant, for I began to calm my nerves, assuring myself out loud.

"Okay, Anna, you can really do this. Sure, you are going to the leading crime laboratory in the city, and there are probably a billion other applicants for this position, but you have qualifications for it, and you'll be fine. Yeah, you'll be fine…right?"

The elevator let out another _ping _and I stepped out, and into the bustle of scientists, all decked out in white lab coats. I peered into the various rooms in the crime lab, all with glass walls, allowing me a glance into the lives of the New York CSIs. All too late, I realized that I had forgotten to ask the secretary at the front where Mac Taylor's office was located. I let out an exasperated sigh. I hadn't even been hired, and already I was messing things up. I started back towards the elevator, but stopped upon hearing my name.

"_Anna?" I heard from behind me. I turned around to see myself looking at a man, maybe in his 40's, with the general demeanor of someone in authority. Before I could reply, he extended his hand. "Detective Mac Taylor," he said politely._

I felt a rush of peace as I followed Mac towards a quieter area of the lab, entering an office. I took a seat in one of the chairs and smoothed out my outfit for the hundredth time that day. Mac took a seat behind his desk and pulled out a file. I realized in an instant that I hadn't gotten the opportunity to introduce myself. _Stupid, stupid Anna_, I scolded, mentally kicking myself for my lapse in good manners.

"_Oh!" I said, feeling like quite the idiot, "My name is Anna Price. It's a pleasure to meet you," I acknowledged with a smile. _

Mac Taylor smiled and held up the file, opening it to reveal its contents. He studied them for a moment and looked pleased with what he read. He held it up and nodded.

"_I know. Horatio sent you quite the recommendation, you know."_

I beamed at the mention of my Horatio. Along with him, I had requested that a former professor of mine write me a recommendation. Horatio had obviously included quite a bit of information on me, personally: my personality, my goals, my work ethics, and it had apparently paid off – I had impressed Mac.

"_Yeah, well, I should be the one doing him favors since he helped me out so much after my mother's death."_

It was the truth. If Horatio hadn't accepted my request to help out with evidence bagging and labeling, I may not have been sitting at Mac's office at the moment. Honestly, if Horatio hadn't given me a shot, I probably wouldn't have even been in New York at all. Mac proceeded to ask me questions, just like any good interview, and they ended with personal questions. I talked about my mother and her goal for my life, and Mac seemed genuinely pleased with my answer, leading to his job offer. I could have probably jumped up and down and hugged Mac at the moment – that was how ecstatic I was. However, I played my emotions down, and gave him a more proper answer:

"_Thank you so much for this opportunity."_

This was the moment I had been waiting for, and I couldn't have been happier. Mac explained to me that it would be good to have more females working around the lab, which led to an informal meeting of Lindsay Monroe, Danny Messer, and Stella Bonasera – informal, meaning that I just observed the CSIs from inside of Mac's quaint office.

I stood up and shook Mac's hand with a broad grin.

"Thank you again, so much for this job," I said with the sincerest of glances. Mac shook his head and looked at me with honesty.

"You deserve this job, Anna."

Smiling once more, I resisted the urge to skip towards the elevator. Unfortunately, I was so absorbed in my elated state of mind that I ran directly into someone, nearly knocking myself over. I stared at a dark-haired man with bright blue eyes, probably a bit older than myself and apologized.

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention, and I didn't see you." I knew that I was rambling a bit, but I didn't care.

The man just smiled and shook his head. "Nah, it's not a problem."

"Flack!"

We both turned around to see Mac walking towards us. Mac looked from me to Flack and decided to make a formal introduction.

"Oh, Flack this is Annabelle Price. She's going to be our new addition to the team," Mac explained. I smiled and extended my hand to Flack's, which he took and shook, smiling himself. "And this is Don Flack, our homicide detective."

"Feel free to call me Anna," I remarked with a smile in Flack's direction. Flack nodded and I motioned towards the elevator. "Well, I – uh – should be going."

Mac looked at me and replied: "My office should be in touch with you within the next few days," he explained. I nodded.

"Well, it was certainly a pleasure to meet you, Mac," I said to my supervisior. Turning to Flack, I managed a slightly embarrassed smile. "And, I'm sorry again about running into you." Flack dismissed my comment with a wave of his hand.

I turned around and walked towards the elevator, as Mac and Flack's conversation faded behind me.

Stepping out into the New York air, I pulled on a pair of sunglasses and hailed a cab back to my apartment. Kicking off my heels, I quietly shut the front door and locked it.

I then proceeded to squeal and dance around my apartment.

I had finally nailed the job of my dreams, and things were beginning to look up.

**Yay for ending on another happy note, right? Haha. Well, Anna and Flack's first meeting was fun, wasn't it? A bit cliché, sadly, but it'll be fun to play off of. She'll never hear the end of that one... What's going to happen when Anna meets the rest of the team? Then things are really gonna start cooking. But I am afraid you will just have to wait. Keep those reviews coming! **


	8. Unwritten

_snowbear96: (double squee) _

_meadow567: Yeah, I am waiting on Axellia's update too. Haha. Thanks for the comment, and if you're in a Flack mood, then this story is the right one for you!_

_chili-peppers: Yeah, it's sad that she had to say goodbye to someone she really cared about, but Anna is really branching out to other people too. Awh, I am glad you like Anna. I like her too, and her moment with Flack was fun to write._

_sparkyCSI: Well, you are about to see how she reacts to Danny in this chapter. In fact, you're going to see how she relates to the entire team._

_demolished-soul: They do have a really strong relationship, and Aaron will continuously make appearances throughout the story, but this chapter will be the most that we see of him. Haha. I would jumping up and down too! Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

**Okay, so now we are into the CSI: NY team! Woo-hoo! And if you didn't realize it, last chapter the italics were taken from "Stories of the Past". Anyway, this chapter will introduce the rest of the team to Anna's life, as well as integrating some older characters as well. Oh, and I don't know if the Spanish conversation with Horatio is accurate, since I took it from an online translator. If you want to know what it says, you can paste it into and it should tell you what it means. Read, review, and enjoy! **_Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics, title, Natasha Bedingfield, or any other ringtone that Anna has on her phone. I liked the idea of different ringtones for different people from Axellia's story "What the Eyes Can't See", so I am borrowing it for my story too! (Hope you don't mind Axellia!) _

Chapter 7: Unwritten

_No one else can feel it for you,_

_Only you can let it in_

_No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips._

_Drench yourself in what's unspoken_

_Live your life with arms wide open_

_Today is where your book begins,_

_The rest is still unwritten._

I rubbed my eyes wearily and cursed the fact that I had turned my cell phone's ring volume on the highest level possible. Fishing around on my nightstand, I was able to locate the phone and answer it.

"Hello?" I mumbled incoherently.

"Hi, this is Sophie Carradine with the New York City crime lab," a perky voice on the other line answered. I sat up and listened. "I'm Mac Taylor's secretary, and he wanted me to pass on the message to meet him at the Empire State building in an hour."

"Alright, I will do that," I responded. The woman on the other end bid her goodbye and I hung up the phone.

I didn't have an hour to decide what to wear on my first day of work, sadly, so I pulled out the first outfit that I found appropriate. I took a quick shower and applied a light layer of make-up. Studying my reflection in the mirror, I thought that I looked appropriate for a crime scene. I was wearing a lacy camisole under a short-sleeve navy pinstriped blazer. I pulled my navy pinstriped pants and contemplated how I should wear my hair. I ended up pulling my wet brunette curls in a clip, and sighed. _Time to get this party started_.

The cab ride to the Empire State building wasn't particularly long, but I had no doubt that if I had tried to drive there myself, I would have ended up being late. Straightening out my blazer, I walked towards the building's front doors and was met by a man with sandy hair and glasses. He stared at me for a moment and then spoke.

"So," he began as I drew closer, "are you the new girl?" I, of course, knew that I would be labeled as the new girl for quite some time, and I merely smiled and extended my hand.

"Anna Price," I said, studying the man. He was pretty cute, I had to admit. The man smiled and shook my hand.

"Danny Messer, howyadoin'?" he replied with a smirk. I grinned at his New York accent and seeming charm. He seemed to study me for a moment, and then motioned towards the elevator. "Mac said he wanted to meet us at the top, so I got the duty of waitin' for ya down here," he explained as we climbed into the elevator. He looked at me, head tilted to the side slightly. "So, you're the girl who nearly ran Flack over, eh?"

I laughed. "He told you about that?"

Danny shrugged. "He mentioned that a pretty new girl ran smack into him, so I assumed it might be you," he said with a cocky smile. I felt my cheeks grow warm, but thankfully I was interrupted by the opening of the elevator doors. Two guys had already insinuated that I was pretty—this might be a good job after all.

Danny and I stepped out of the elevator and onto the top floor of the building. I smiled and looked out onto the rising sun with was pouring over the New York skyline at the moment. The warm glow of the sun was already starting to seep over the building, causing me to be thankful that I was in short sleeves, instead of long sleeves like my boss was. Mac Taylor waved to us from where he was knelt down over a dead body. The body appeared to have no visible outward signs of trauma, but since she was dead, I supposed that _something_ had to be wrong with her.

"You ready for your first DB Price?" Danny asked me with a smirk. I rolled my eyes and snapped on a pair of gloves, walking towards the dead woman.

"You know, you _could _call me by my first name," I replied. Danny shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Where's the fun in that?"

I rolled my eyes at him again and answered his question. "Yes, I am ready for a DB, _Messer_." He looked at me, eyebrows raised. "Two can play at the surname game," I said with a little grin.

Mac hadn't said anything up until that point. "So, Danny, I guess you met Anna, our new addition to the team." Danny nodded in Mac's direction and knelt down beside the DB.

"So, what's up with the DB?" he asked. I knelt down beside Mac and examined the girl. She was probably around her mid-thirties to early forties, and I studied her clothing for any signs of trace.

"Danny, you start photographing the area," Mac said with authority. "Flack went to go find out who our Jane Doe is." Mac turned back towards the woman and as I was about to ask him whether or not he wanted me collect trace, my phone rang, this time with another ringtone.

_Who says you can't go home?_

_Who says you can't go home,_

_There's only one place they call me one of their own_

_Just a hometown boy on a rolling stone_

_Who says you can't go back?_

_Been all around the world and as a matter of fact…_

I pulled my phone from my jacket pocket and grinned. "¡Hola Horatio! ¿Cómo usted está haciendo?"

Danny and Mac looked at me strangely, and I continued. "¿Cómo está cada uno el hacer en Miami? Bueno, bueno. ¿Yo? Estoy haciendo bien. Estoy realmente en una escena de crimen ahora," I said with a proud little smile. "Sí, es mi primera escena de crimen…El Mac me llamó por esta mañana, y estamos en la tapa del edificio del estado del imperio ahora."

I paused to listen to Horatio's response. "El Mac es realmente agradable, justo como usted dijo. No, no he satisfecho a Stella todavía, pero le diré que usted dijera hola. Satisfice a Danny Messer sin embargo…"

Danny and Mac perked up at the mention of their names, as well as the name of their colleague. I let out a little laugh and continued to talk to Horatio. "Danny tiene un ego grande, usted tenía razón. Acabo de hablar con él un poco esta mañana. Él se parece como a llamarme al lado de mi apellido…no, No tengo ninguna idea porqué. Sí, usted tiene razón, él es un poco impar…"

I laughed again and watched Danny's face for a reaction. "Are you talking about me?" he asked with eyebrows furrowed together. I couldn't help but grin. It was so nice to talk about Danny and his ego in another language and watch his puzzled face.

"Bien, Horatio, Debo ahora ir. Sí, Diré el Mac. Gracias por todo Horatio. Lo significo. Usted es el mejor. Autorización, Hablaré con usted pronto. Diga a Calleigh que la falte. Bien, hará. Adiós."

I hung up the phone and met the gazes of my confused team members. I held up the phone and smiled. "That was Horatio, from Miami," I explained to Mac. My supervisor nodded in understanding. "He says hello, by the way," I added, directing my comment towards Mac. Mac gave me a nod before instructing me to begin collecting trace.

"You speak Spanish?" Danny asked after a few moments of silence. I looked up at where he was photographing the scene. "You don't look like you're Spanish," he added.

I chuckled. "When you grow up in Miami, it's a sin to not know the language," I replied honestly. "Believe me, I am as white as they come," I added with a laugh.

Danny thought for a moment. "So, what did you say about me?"

I gave him a smirk. "That's for me to know, and you to never find out."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I rode back to the lab in an SUV – undoubtedly the crime lab's – and walked back into the bustle of the lab with confidence reigning over me. I truly felt that I belonged in the scientific world, and no one could ever take that joy away from me.

"Mac!"

Mac, Danny, and I turned around to see a petite brunette walking in our direction. I knew in an instant that the girl was Lindsay Monroe. I studied her for a moment. She was very pretty, and seemed spunky as well.

"What is it Lindsay?" Mac asked, looking at the young woman. Lindsay simply relayed a message.

"Stella wants you to meet her in the AV lab. She says she needs you to take a look at something." Mac nodded and headed off in the direction of the AV lab.

Danny looked from Lindsay – who was studying me – to me, and mentally kicked himself.

"Oh, Montana, this is Anna Price," he explained, and I extended my hand and shook Lindsay's. "And Anna, this is Lindsay Monroe."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Lindsay," I acknowledged with a smile. The other woman smiled back at me. "I'm looking forward to working with this team."

Lindsay's eyes widened and the realization that I was the new addition to the team dawned on her. Her face seemed to soften a bit and she smiled radiantly back at me. _Did she think I was Danny's girlfriend?_ I wondered to myself.

"Cute nickname," I whispered to Danny as Lindsay trotted off back down the hallway. Danny raised his eyebrows and just shrugged his shoulders. I couldn't suppress a smile. Danny clearly had a crush on that girl.

To avoid any awkward conversation, Danny cleared his throat and ushered me down the hallway and explained where everything was located in the lab. As we rounded a corner, I nearly ran over someone – again.

I looked up to see Flack staring at me. I gave a laugh. "Wow, I just keep running into you all over the place, don't I?" I asked with a wide smile.

Flack smiled back and nodded. "Yeah, this time it was my fault though. I didn't see you coming," he said honestly. I shrugged, but my eyes twinkled with delight at having run into the cute detective again.

"No harm done."

Flack nodded at Danny and me before continuing down the hallway. As Danny and I reached the end of the hallway, the Staten Island native sung under his breath. "Flack and Anna sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S…ouch!"

I smacked him hard for that one.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I kicked off my shoes and sunk onto my couch. It had been one long day, and I was sure that I would have many long days to come. Sighing, I flicked on the television, not even realizing that I was alone in my apartment.

"I hope you don't mind that your neighbor Elsie gave me a key," the voice replied. My eyes widened and I turned around. I knew that voice like no other voice.

I smiled my thousand watt smile and threw my arms around Aaron's neck. "Oh my God!" I exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

The blonde kept his arms around my waist and merely replied. "What? I can't come and see my favorite person in the world?" I smiled sheepishly and motioned for him to sit down with me.

"Really, what are you doing here?" I asked, still smiling. Aaron sat down beside me and stared me in the eyes.

"I wanted to be there for you and support you. I know how much this job meant to you, so I wanted to come in and see how you were doing. Did you have your first day yet?" he asked.

I smiled, nodded, and proceeded to tell him all about my first day on the job. Aaron sat back and listened with every ounce of interest. He explained that he was only back in town for a while, but I didn't care.

He was back.

He was _really _back.

**Alright, so Aaron is back in town! Hurrah! Next chapter brings all of the team to Anna's place for some bonding time. But will Flack be (gasp) jealous of Aaron? And will Danny and Lindsay have some more moments? Well, you will just have to wait to find out! Keep those reviews coming! **


	9. Pin Your Wings

_Axellia: Hoorah! I am so glad that you updated too. I love how both of our stories are usually next to each other on the page. Danny is extremely cocky, but in this funny egotistical yet somewhat flirtatious way. LOL. I'm glad the Spanish seems alright. Yep, Aaron is a darling and we will see some more of him in this chapter. This chapter also brings back Maggie into the mix! Yay! I missed her character, so it'll be fun to write her back in for a chapter. Thanks for the review!_

_chili-peppers: Thanks so much! I am glad you are enjoying it!_

_demolished-soul: Yeah, I would be like that too, but Anna is comfortable around new people because of her wit and charm, I think. Haha. Yes! I am glad you liked those lines. They're probably my favorite from the chapter as well. Thanks for the review and I am glad you're enjoying!_

_meadow567: Thanks for the review! Haha. I love Axellia's story so when I saw she updated I was like "Oh my gosh! I have to go read!"_

_sparkyCSI: Ah, Danny/Anna exchanges are great. There will be more to come, I assure you. She does fit right in already, which is good. Thanks for the review and I am glad you're enjoying the story! Hopefully it's living up to your expectations!_

**Well, everyone, thank you so much for reviewing this story. This next chapter will contain some team bonding, and will bring back our dear Maggie into the mix for a little bit. Also, it's going to be fun to see how quickly Anna picks up things about the team. Again, the foreign languages were taken from an online translator, so I apologize if I butcher them. Well, sit back, relax, and grab some popcorn because we're watching a movie in this chapter! (P.S – This is quite a LONG chapter, not that you mind. Haha) **_Disclaimer: I do not own the title, lyrics, or Copeland. _

Chapter 8: Pin Your Wings

_Pin your wings down,_

_If it's over now_

_Pin your wings down_

_Just take a chance somehow…_

_And you know when it rains in this town,_

_I get washed away, without a sound_

_So pin my wings down_

I stared at a teenage girl, dressed in white, a pair of delicate angel wings lying beneath her body. I snapped a few photos and studied the girl once more. She must have been younger than I was, and there she was – her time was up. Stella walked around the hotel room and collected anything that she found unique. The girl's eyes were closed, revealing the glittery eyeshadow on her inner eyelids. Her eyelashes were coated in dark mascara, and her lips were painted a deep shade of red, probably with some exotic shade like _Merlot _or _Noir Red_ or something like that. I knelt down and studied her fingernails, scraping under the manicured fingers for any evidence that would be of use. I snapped pictures of her knuckles, bruised and coated in dry blood – she had fought back. The camera seemed to sigh as it clicked away pictures of the poor young woman's neck – she was strangled.

"You get anything over there Anna?"

I perked up at the mention of my name, shaking away thoughts of this young woman lying dead before my eyes. I hastily stood up as Stella entered the bedroom.

"Yeah, I – uh – noticed some bruising and blood on her knuckles. I think she might have fought back against her attacker. Other than that, there is blood on the back of her head, possibly from her attacker slamming her into something."

Stella nodded. "There was blood that I swabbed from the edges of the bathroom door. Her attacker must have tried to knock her unconscious before he killed her."

I swallowed and nodded. "I should get the fingernail scrapings and the other stuff back to the lab."

Stella nodded and looked at me carefully. "Are you alright, Anna?"

I nodded, despite the plummeting feeling in my stomach. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll just go get these to Adam or someone."

Stella gave me another look before motioning for me to leave the room. I stepped out into the hallway, nodding at the officer who was waiting outside of the crime scene tape. Once I was outside of the hotel, I found the nearest trashcan and emptied the contents of my stomach into it. I crouched down next to the trashcan on the cool New York pavement, trembling despite the summer air's humidity. I just stared absentmindedly into the traffic. _How could anyone kill her?_ I asked myself. _She was just a child, a teenager, a girl having a good time at a convention. And now_, I thought, swallowing hard, _now she is just another dead body, another case to solve, another person to lie on Hammerback's autopsy table. Just one in a dozen_, I thought sadly. _She would be lost in the shuffle. Her parents would mourn, her friends would sob until their throats were sore, and her absence would cause grief and pain. And yet, here she is: just someone else for us to process, just a girl, strangled in a hotel room – just more paperwork to file. _

I stood up, steadying myself, breathing deeply: _inhale, exhale, inhale, and exhale_. That was all I knew, all I could truly do. I was only able to breathe so much until it hurt. It hurt for me to breathe when Alyssa Lockhart – that was the teenager's name – would never take another breath of New York's smog-filled air. I kicked the trashcan in retaliation. Retaliation for what, I did not know. All I knew was that I would go back to the lab, consume myself in finding Alyssa's killer, and then I would curl up on my couch and watch old black-and-white movies when the day was over – my coping mechanism.

"What'd that trashcan ever do to you?"

I looked up and saw Flack peering at me, head tilted slightly to the side. I shook my head at him and walked hurriedly towards the crime lab SUV leaving a severely confused and sympathetic homicide detective in my wake.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"We're still on tonight at your place, right Anna_belle_?" Danny asked, accentuating the end of my first name. I rolled my eyes at him and slammed my locker door shut. The case with Alyssa had really gotten to me, but Stella had been able to talk me through it. She was good for those kinds of conversations. I considered her to be my mother figure, my role model for womanhood. She was strong, yet sensitive and tough, yet tender. She was everything that I needed to become in a CSI.

"Sure, as long as everyone brings something, like I told them to."

It was my "initiation" into the crime lab – even though I had been working there for weeks. In the end, my task was simple: I had to prepare dinner and a movie at my place. Lindsay had gawked when she heard that I was given such an easy task.

"They made me cook a 'country meal' and then they ended up staying at my place 'till one in the morning watching The Ultimate Fighting Champion," Lindsay remarked, jerking her thumb in the direction of a guilty looking party of Hawkes, Danny, and Flack. The men shrugged and I patted Lindsay's shoulder consolingly.

"Alright, well, I'll bring drinks," Danny said with a smile over his shoulder as we exited the locker room. My mouth dropped open.

"No way! That's way too easy for you, Messer. I want to see you bring something you actually cooked yourself, not bought from the nearest convenience store!"

Danny smirked as I caught up to him. "Drinks it is. I will see you at seven."

I glared at the retreating back of the New Yorker, and then simply rolled my eyes. I didn't think I would have wanted to eat anything that Danny cooked himself anyway.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

There was a knock at my door promptly at five o'clock. I frowned and checked the clock again, just to be sure. Shrugging, I wondered exactly who would arrive two hours early. I opened the door and nearly fell over from shock.

"Guess who?"

I threw my arms around my former roommate and gave her a tight hug. "Maggie!" I exclaimed with a wide smile. "What are you doing here?"

Maggie grinned and I motioned her into my apartment. She placed a backpack down on my floor and meandered around my living room. "Still the same as when I left for the good ol' country, I see," she noted with satisfaction.

"Yeah, I just never had the motivation to change this place much," I said honestly. Between my work schedule and my social life, I had no energy or creativity left in me to re-decorate my apartment. Maggie plopped down onto my couch and smiled at me.

"So, what's up with you?" she asked, eyes glimmering.

"Besides work?" I asked with a little laugh, pouring two glasses of soda, "Actually, nothing all that eventful. Aaron's back in town, but you already knew that."

Maggie nodded and smiled. "So how're things going between the two of you?"

I shrugged and sipped my drink, handing her the other glass. "There's nothing much to say. I mean, he's not staying here in the city for much longer, and we both agreed after college to steer clear of the long-distance idea…"

"…but you like having him back in your life, don't you?" Maggie asked curiously, taking a swig of her drink. I nodded sheepishly.

"Yeah, it's good to have someone back in my life again, especially him."

Maggie sat up straighter and continued. "But you have to know other guys besides Aaron and the people on your floor," she stated. Again, I shrugged.

"There are the people I work with, like Mac, Danny, Flack, and Hawkes…"

"…and none of them are date-worthy?" Maggie asked, finishing my sentence with a light laugh. I laughed with her and fixed my gaze on the clock behind her. She noticed this, of course.

"You like one of them!" she exclaimed, setting her drink down on my coffee table and leaning forward. "Well, which one is the lucky guy?"

I rolled my eyes and set my drink down as well. "What makes you think that I like someone?"

"Because," Maggie stated matter-of-factly, "you won't look me directly in the eyes." I rolled my eyes again, this time a blush crept onto my cheeks. Maggie – being the perceptive little _bugger_ that she is – noticed this and began to giggle.

"Alright, who is he? You can tell me," she swore. I looked at her and sighed, a grin playing at my lips.

"È un tipo che ho fatto funzionare casualmente sul lavoro dopo la mia intervista…" I began, my body shaking with laughter at Maggie's indignant look.

"Not fair!" she exclaimed. "I don't _know_ how to speak any other languages! What the heck is that anyway?"

"Italian," I said proudly then continued, "and that's the idea. You're not supposed to be able to understand me," I said with a little grin before continuing. "Penso che potrei gradirlo, ma non desidero ottenere implicato in un rapporto ora." It was true. I wasn't sure that I was ready to tackle a relationship, especially with someone who worked with me. "Inoltre," I continued, shrugging my shoulders, "Neppure non penso che lo gradisca indietro. Suona così elementare, ma non desidero ammettere che ho uno schiacciamento su questo tipo. Anche se, ha gli occhi blu più bei…"

"Are you going to continue to ramble to yourself all day in Italian?"

I smiled at my friend, and switched languages. "Fine, I'm done."

"Where the heck did you learn _Italian _from anyway?" Maggie asked with her nose scrunched up.

I shrugged my shoulders and walked over towards the kitchen area to prepare a quick meal for my co-workers. "Where I used to live in Miami, there was this old lady who lived next door to us, and whenever Claire and Jacob went somewhere, she came over and babysat me," I explained, boiling a pot of water for pasta. "So, this old lady came from a huge Italian family. Her ancestors were some of the first to emigrate over from Italy. Whenever she would watch me, she would tell me stories about her family's journey and she would teach me Italian. During high school, I decided to take a couple years of Italian too."

Maggie nodded. "Impressive." The young woman stood up from the couch and helped me prepare the pasta dish. "Anything else I don't know about you?" she asked with a wag of her eyebrows.

I thought for a moment. "I also speak French, but not as well as I speak Spanish or Italian. And I actually know a few phrases here and there of German and Dutch."

Maggie's eyes widened. "Sheesh," she remarked with a little gasp. "And to think that I can only speak one language."

"It's alright," I said with a pat on her shoulder, "not everyone knows as many languages as I do. I'm one of the rare breeds of human beings." Maggie laughed and helped to stir the pasta.

We cooked in silence for a little while, before Maggie asked if I had chosen a movie to watch yet. "Well, I honestly don't know what movie to choose," I said. I motioned towards my television, "Why don't you go choose one?"

Maggie agreed and bounced over towards the stack of movies that I owned. She sifted through them, often perking up with interest at some of the ones that she found. "_Monty Python_!" she exclaimed with glee, holding up the DVD. I shook my head and motioned for her to continue looking. Maggie pouted, and sighed dramatically, placing the movie on the top of the stack. "_A Walk to Remember_…no, not if we're having a bunch of guys over," Maggie said, tossing the DVD aside. I laughed, picturing three guys and four girls trying to watch a chick-flick together. I had to admit, it would be pretty darn funny. "_Dodgeball_…nah." Maggie tossed aside another movie as I drained the pasta. "Jeez, Anna, do you think you have enough Cary Grant films in here?" she asked, peering over the sound system's cabinet doors. I smiled shyly.

"My coping mechanism," I explained, "for getting through tough cases."

Maggie shrugged and continued to try and find an appropriate movie. "_The Wedding Planner_, _How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days_, _Sahara_, _Failure to Launch_…do you have thing for Matthew McConaughey too?" she asked.

"Duh," I said with a laugh in her direction. "The man is _hot_."

Maggie grinned broadly. "Amen to that!"

"Hmm," Maggie continued, pulling out another movie. Her eyes brightened. "How about _Spider-Man_?" she asked curiously. I thought about it and nodded.

"There's enough of Tobey McGuire loving for us girls, and enough action for the guys, so I guess that works."

Maggie nodded conclusively. "_Spider-Man _it is."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

There was a knock on the door a little before seven, and Maggie bounded over to answer it while I finished preparing the lasagna. Stella waved at me and smiled, setting a bag of chips and a container of dip on the countertop.

"Can I do anything to help?" she asked curiously. I shook my head and smiled.

"Nah, Maggie's got salad duty, so she's finishing up with that," I explained. "And the lasagna should be done by the time everyone gets here." Stella nodded, impressed with my organization, and I motioned for her to have a seat on my couch.

"Maggie, this is Stella Bonasera, and Stella this is my friend and old college roommate Maggie Parker." Maggie and Stella smiled at each other and shook hands, just as another knock was heard at the door. I wiped my hands on a dishtowel and made my way over to the door. A smiling Lindsay stood, bearing an apple pie. I smiled, ushering her inside and proceeded to introduce her to Maggie.

"What movie are we watching?" Stella asked from the couch. I grinned and shared a look with Maggie, before I answered another knock at the door.

"_Spider-Man_," Maggie replied with satisfaction. I rolled my eyes from the threshold as Danny stood there, holding a few cases of beer – true to his word. He smiled and walked inside, placing the beer in the fridge.

"Oh, that's a good movie," Lindsay remarked, seating herself next to Stella on the couch. Maggie took one look at Danny and subtly straightened her shirt. I had to suppress a giggle. Maggie was going to attempt to flirt.

"Maggie, this is Danny Messer," I said, pointing from my good friend to my colleague. "And Danny, this is Maggie Parker."

"Howyadoin'?"

Maggie let out a little laugh and shook Danny's hand. "New York native, obviously," she said with a smile. Danny smiled right back, and I watched Lindsay shift in her seat. Again, I had to stifle my laughs, but was thankfully interrupted by another knock on the door. I smiled at the two men who were standing in the doorway and welcomed them inside. Flack had brought some dinner rolls, while Hawkes brought an appetizer. I ushered them both inside and everyone talked for a minute, making polite introductions. Maggie subtly studied Flack for a minute and then proceeded to talk to him. She walked into the kitchen area and whispered into my ear: "He's the one you like, isn't he?"

"Peut-être oui et peut-être non. Mais plus que probablement, vous ne découvrirez jamais," I replied cryptically, grinning at her. She rolled her eyes and tossed the salad.

"You're completely _loco_, you know that."

"Ooh," I said with a teasing grin, "Maggie knows a word in Spanish!"

Maggie hit my arm playfully and divided the salad up into bowls and then moved my furniture around to accommodate everyone.

"Wow, this lasagna is great," Hawkes complimented, settling onto the couch. I pulled up a few bean bag chairs from my spare room and sunk down onto one of them. I had to admit, it _did _taste pretty good. Everyone else nodded and murmured their compliments. After a peaceful dinner and a fabulous dessert – Lindsay smiled bashfully and admitted that it was her mother's recipe – Maggie slid the DVD into the player. I stood up from my bean bag chair to clear away the dishes and Flack stood up with me.

"Here, I'll help," he offered. I smiled at him and agreed. Maggie was probably grinning, but I decided that she would be in for it later – a much deserved pillow fight would be in store after my co-workers left. The previews rolled and the group was animatedly discussing the newest box office hits.

"Thanks for letting us all come over here," Flack said, emptying the dishes' contents into the trashcan. I shrugged and smiled.

"It's no big deal, really."

Flack looked at me and we both smiled. I felt my heart skip a beat and concerned myself with cleaning off the dishes. After I was done cleaning up, I grabbed a beer from the fridge and looked for a place to sit down. Stella was sitting on a bean bag chair on the far side of the room. Hawkes was seated on the opposite side of the room in my recliner, and Maggie had – quite purposefully – stolen my bean bag chair. And I knew why, too. The only two available seats that were left were with Danny and Lindsay on the couch. And four people to my couch might be a tight fit.

I threw Maggie a tiny glare, and she intercepted it with an angelic smile and bat of her eyes. "Hey, you two, there's room for you guys over on the couch. The movie's starting."

Flack looked at me. "If there's not enough room on the couch, I can always sit on the floor. I don't mind…"

"No," I finished with a wave of my hand, as I moved over and sat on the couch next to Lindsay, who – without hesitation – shifted herself closer to Danny. But just to make more room…of course. Flack sat down next to me and I looked at Maggie. _Happy?_ I asked with my eyes. She smirked. _Of course. _

"God, Tobey McGuire is so hot," Maggie said with a dreamy sigh. Danny looked at her skeptically.

"The kid is a nerd at the beginnin' of this movie, and you find _that_ attractive?" he asked incredulously.

"Well," I perked up, looking at Danny, "guys who look nerdy are sometimes the cutest of them all."

Stella and Lindsay nodded in agreement. Danny looked at Lindsay with eyebrows raised, but the brunette didn't notice, and instead replied: "Plus, he has blue eyes." All of the women in the room grinned at each other and nodded, affirming the statement. Hawkes, Danny, and Flack shared a 'what have we gotten into?' look and Hawkes – the only non-blue-eyed male – spoke up.

"Girls dig guys with blue eyes?" he asked curiously. I bit my lip and tilted my head to the side slightly.

"Well, it depends. Some people love blue eyes, and some don't, but one thing is for certain: when polled, females found that the most attractive feature on a guy were his eyes."

The three men raised their eyebrows and chorused together: "Really?"

All of us women nodded. "I like Tobey because he has beautiful blue eyes, and he's hot when he wears the glasses, but he also has that sandy brown hair…" Maggie said, trailing off. Lindsay leaned forward in her seat to talk to Maggie.

"Exactly!" she exclaimed. Danny raised his eyebrows and smirked. I shared a glance with Hawkes, who looked like he was about to burst from enjoyment. Lindsay had just agreed that she was attracted to men with the same physical description as Danny. I was trying my best to not laugh when Stella turned the tables on me.

"So, what kind of guys do you go after?"

My eyes widened, but I was thankfully saved by Maggie, who pointed to the screen. "This is the _best kiss in the entire world_," she stated with a little squeal. I sighed dreamily and watched the famous "Spider-Man kiss" with a smile. Everyone in the room was silent for a moment, and Maggie paused the DVD.

"Show of hands," she began, turning around in her bean bag chair to face all of us, "who thinks that this kiss is the most romantic one ever?" Every person of the female gender in the room raised their hand. Maggie nodded approvingly and then proceeded with her questions. "Now, show of hands: how many people think that Kirsten Dunst should be wearing a bra?" Again, all of the women in the room raised their hands. Maggie scrutinized the men. "And who thinks that it really doesn't matter if she's wearing one or not?"

All of the men raised their hands eagerly.

Simultaneously, Maggie slapped Hawkes, I slapped Flack, and Lindsay hit Danny. They all shot us the 'you can't blame us for being guys' look and Maggie rolled her eyes, but pressed the play button, nonetheless.

Near the end of the movie, there was a knock on my door, and I furrowed my eyebrows. No one else was supposed to show up. I delayed removing myself from the couch for as long as possible – I was _very _comfortable with Flack's arm resting casually on the back of the sofa, just barely touching me. Lindsay didn't seem too terribly uncomfortable either – her and Danny's thighs were touching. That was how close the two of them were sitting. Maggie took the hint that I didn't want to get up and decided to answer the door for me.

I strained my neck to see who was at the door and Maggie walked in with a look that told me everything. _This might get a bit interesting_, she told me with her eyes. I peered over to see her ushering in none other than Aaron. The blonde smiled at me and I hastily got up from the couch, inducing puzzled looks from both Lindsay and Flack.

"Aaron," I said, beaming. Granted, I was pleased to see him, yet at the same time, I didn't exactly know how to explain our relationship to my co-workers. My colleagues all looked up at the new arrival, and Flack seemed surprised. But maybe I was just imagining it. "Everyone," I said, speaking to the group, "this is Aaron Folk, and Aaron this is…everyone," I said with a little laugh. "That's Sheldon Hawkes, Stella Bonasera, you know Maggie, obviously – uhm – that's Danny Messer, Lindsay Monroe, and Don Flack." Aaron acknowledged everyone with a friendly smile, and most of them returned the genuine smile – most. Danny and Flack were studying the stranger carefully.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your movie, Anna," Aaron said, apologizing. I shook my head and smiled at him, locking my eyes with his.

"It's no problem at all," I said hastily. "In fact, you should join us." I motioned for him to join the group in the living room.

"Oh, no, I wouldn't want to intrude on your evening…"

Stella piped up. "No, it's fine. The more the merrier, like they say."

Aaron smiled at me and we moved back into the living room, this time I moved towards the floor. "No, no," Aaron insisted firmly, "you sit on the couch. _I'll _sit on the floor."

I looked at him and obliged. Stella beamed. "It's sure nice to have some gentlemen around for a change," she acknowledged. Aaron merely smiled his reply and watched the rest of the movie with us.

We all applauded as the movie's credits rolled and I stood up from the couch, stretching. One by one, the group filed home, bidding their goodbyes. Lindsay had insisted on staying to help clean up, and she and Maggie were arranging my furniture back to its original position. Danny had convinced Lindsay that he should hail her a cab, so the egotistical CSI was seated on my couch, watching sports. Aaron tapped me on the shoulders and began to talk to me – of course, this was in a different language, which caused Lindsay to look between the two of us with keen interest.

"Ho rovinato la vostra notte?" he asked with guilt. I shook my head furiously.

"No, no. Naturalmente non. Era buono da averli qui."

"But…" he began slowly.

"No 'buts'," I assured him. Aaron studied me, before continuing.

"Che tipo che stavate sedendo vicino a non ha sembrato come a me troppo."

I shrugged. "È a volte sconosciuto."

Aaron rolled his eyes. "Come on, Anna…li gradisce."

I shook my head at Aaron. "No, no. Non penso che lo gradisca."

"Bene, Penso che. E penso che sia stato jealous di me," Aaron stated. I laughed.

"Forse quello è giusto la vostra comunicazione del ego, Aaron."

Aaron shook his head with a little smile. "Osservi, Anna, Ti amo, ma non lavoreremmo mai."

I looked at my former boyfriend with sad eyes. He continued.

"Li desidero avere il la cosa migliore. E penso che dovrte dare a questo tipo una probabilità." And there he was, admitting that he loved me too. It was all too saddening for me. Why did Aaron have to live in California?

"Non devo aspettare fin qui chiunque," I told him firmly. Aaron looked at me with sympathy and drew me into a hug.

"Well, when you _are _ready – give the guy a chance," he whispered into my hair. I smiled into his shoulder and sighed, promising him that if I did decide to date, that I would give the detective a chance.

Aaron kissed me on the cheek and looked into my eyes. "Ti amo Anna."

I grinned. "Ti amo anche."

I shut the door behind Aaron and met the smirk of Danny Messer. "So," he began, voice barely above a whisper so that Lindsay and Maggie wouldn't hear, "you and Flack, huh?"

My jaw dropped. "You…aw, crap. You know Italian, don't you?"

Danny merely continued to smirk. "Yep."

"And you heard…"

"…every word."

"Dite a chiunque circa questo, particolarmente Flack…" I began threateningly.

Danny held up his hands in defense. "Relax, relax," he said with a smile. "Il vostro segreto è sicuro con me," he assured me.

I exhaled deeply and watched both Danny and Lindsay leave my apartment.

Danny Messer knew another language. _Italian _for that matter.

I shook my head and lifted my eyes to the ceiling.

The Higher Powers: 1

Anna Price: 0

**Whew. That was the longest chapter EVER. But this is mainly because I won't be around much soon, due to school starting up on Monday. My senior year starts in July – ew, gross. Anyway, please leave comments to make me happy! **


	10. A Day Late

_Demolished-soul: Haha. Yeah, it's nice for everyone to hang out somewhere besides the lab. Ah, Danny. Haha. He's fun to write. Thanks for the review!_

_Meadow567: There are online translators you can search on Google. I can't remember which one I used. Thanks for the review!_

_sparkyCSI: Yeah, I explained the translating issues to you. But I am glad you liked the chapter! _

_Axellia: I always look forward to reading your long reviews! LOL. I think Anna is like, my alter ego or something. I love her to death. Haha. See, I think Tobey is adorable, and I don't watch the OC so I didn't see that part. Thank you for reviewing though!_

_Snowbear96: Thanks! (smiles)_

_Chili-peppers: Yeah, Danny is a random fun character to write. LOL. Glad you liked!_

**Thank you everyone for your encouraging comments and feedback! I really appreciate them. This is probably the last chapter you will receive for a while due to school, although you can probably expect an update a week or so from today. I am bringing you this chapter, which just is really a quick little filler chapter because the next one is going to have a huge impact on the relationship between Danny and Lindsay. I don't know how many of you have heard the supposed spoilers for next season, but one of them has something do to with Lindsay going undercover during a hostage situation, Danny freaks out, and then something happens where they don't hear from Lindsay or something. So, basically that is going to be my next chapter – of course, with my spin on how I would want the episode to play out. Alright, so if you all are ready, let's cook up some fun, because it's Independence Day in New York! **_Disclaimer: I don't own the title, the lyrics, or Anberlin, because they own this song! _

Chapter 9: A Day Late

_We are who we were when,_

_Could've been lovers, but at least you're still my day late friend_

_We are who; we are who we were when,_

_Who knew what we know now,_

_Could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend_

_We are who; we are who we were when…_

I smiled, flipping open my cell phone. "Hey there stranger," I answered.

"Hey yourself," Aaron said with a little laugh. "Happy Independence Day," he added cordially.

"Same to you," I responded staring out at the setting sun. I heard the clatter of dishes from behind me as Maggie helped Linda, Maureen, and Becky empty the contents into the garbage.

"So, whatcha up to on this fine night?" Aaron asked.

"Actually, you wouldn't believe this, but I am in the country with Maggie."

"Really?" Aaron asked with interest. "How come?"

"She offered for me to spend tonight and tomorrow morning at her house out here. Her neighbors were having a big gathering with a cook-out and fireworks tonight, so she thought it would be fun for me to get out of the city for a little while."

"…and you love it out there, don't you?"

I couldn't help but smile. Aaron knew me too well.

I surveyed my surroundings, and had to admit that he was right. I _did _love the country. I loved everything about it. I loved the way that the sun set over the grassy knolls with such sheer brilliance and vibrant colors. I loved the smell of the country – the fresh, crisp air that carried so many different scents: crackling fires, bug spray, home cooked meals. I loved the _feel _of the country, where I knew that I could just sit out on the back porch and eat my food among the laughter of children dancing in the spacious backyard while they carried sparklers in their hands, which glittered against the velvety backdrop of sky. I loved sitting and watching the stars begin to appear, dot by dot, in the night sky. I loved everything about the country.

"Oh, Aaron, if you could _see _how beautiful it is out here…"

"…I would probably be on a plane back to New York now," he finished, laughing. I smiled sadly, already wishing that Aaron hadn't left.

"It's good to just relax for a while, you know?"

I could picture Aaron nodding on the other line. "Yeah, you deserve a break Anna. You work hard at what you do, and it's a tough job. Not everyone can deal with the stuff you deal with on a daily basis. So take a break every once in a while and treat yourself - enjoy life!"

I grinned. "Are you sure you don't want to give that long-distance thing a try Aaron?" I asked teasingly. I couldn't think of any sweeter person on the planet other than my Aaron. And I realized I believe, in that instant, that I had always branded him as _my _Aaron. I guess that in a way, a piece of him would always be a part of me.

Aaron laughed again. "Aw, Anna, you know I would love to…"

"…but it would be too tough on both of us," I finished with a roll of my eyes. I exhaled deeply. "Is that your way of telling me that you don't like me anymore?"

"Anna, you will always be a part of my life, you know that. But after college, everything just shifted, I guess. I think you should realize that there are people out there who are just as good, if not better, for you than me."

I sighed. "You mean guys like Flack, right?"

"Yeah, people like him Anna. I know that you like him, and I know that it scares you because you haven't felt that way with anyone since your relationship with me. But I really feel like you should open yourself up to the possibility of being in a relationship with someone _other_ than me. I will always care about you, Anna, and I will _always _love and support you. But, we all have to move on sometime, right? I think Flack and you would hit it off well."

"Aaron, I just don't want to be hurt again. When you left New York, I cried for nights on end. Elsie, Maggie, Abbey, Charlene – they all came over to try and console me, but I only wanted one person: you. I just don't think I can take that heartache again…"

"Anna, you listen to me," Aaron started seriously, "everything that is worth having in life is worth the pain and the suffering in the end. What is that old cliché saying, again? Ah, yes: _"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"_. Anna, everything that you have been through in your life has brought you to where you are now."

I swallowed to try and prevent the tears from falling. In all of my life, there have been few people who have been able to reach me emotionally on the deepest of levels. Claire and Jacob had always been my rocks of support, in the wake of my mother's death, and I knew that I could count on them to be there for me. But my relationship with them was only that deep. I loved my co-workers, but they would never be able to reach me as deep as Aaron could. Aaron was one of the three people in my life who could touch my heart and soul.

"I know what you're saying, but it's going to be…"

"…hard? Yeah, Anna, it's going to be hard. It's tough on me too, you know. God, I couldn't bear to leave you and move across the country. All I could think of for days on end was your smile, and your laugh, and your beautiful eyes…and I missed you terribly, and I still do," Aaron said sincerely, "but I think what I have learned throughout the five wonderful years that I have known you is that sometimes you need to just let life run its own course and not ask questions from the backseat."

I laughed. "Well said, Mr. Philosophy."

"Thanks," Aaron said with a light laugh. In a more serious tone, he added: "Look, Anna, sometimes we just don't understand why things happen the way that they do, but it's not our place to question. I know you, I _should _know you pretty darn well after five years – and I know that you get scared easily. But open up a little bit more, and maybe you'll see how wonderful life really can be."

I smiled and nodded on the other end. "You know," I began, "I really think that Flack was jealous of you…"

Aaron and I laughed. "Aw, man, I can't believe how many times he caught us in quite awkward situations. It really didn't help support that 'I'm not dating him' story that you were feeding him," Aaron remarked through his laughter.

"Do Aaron and you have the worst timing or what?" Maggie chimed in – obviously eavesdropping on my conversation – as she settled into the patio chair beside mine. I rolled my eyes at my friend and continued my conversation with Aaron.

"Okay, so first off, the movie night thing looked bad because I seemed really flustered around you…"

"…and then," Aaron continued, "he sees me give you a kiss on the cheek after work one day…"

"…_and _you linked your arm with mine," I reminded him. "Jeez, were you _trying_ to convince him that we were dating?"

Aaron laughed again, and Maggie added to our conversation. "And _then_, he sees that you sent her flowers, _Aaron_," she remarked accusingly.

"Okay, so that one I shouldn't have done, but the others were entirely by accident," Aaron said defensively. "How should I know that your _entire _team was going to show up at the same club we were at?"

"I _told _you," I started, rolling my eyes at him, "that Mac played at Cozy's."

"I didn't think they would all come on the same night we were there!"

"What are the odds?" Maggie asked with a snicker. "Jeez, Anna, the universe must really have a thing for taking shots at you," she added with a wink. I rolled my eyes and threw a wadded up napkin at her as she stood up from her chair. Maggie looked at me with feigned hurt and proceeded to walk towards where a bunch of the neighbors were talking.

"Yeah, we just don't have the best of luck, now do we?" I asked with a chuckle.

"No, no we don't."

"Hey everyone, we're gonna start the fireworks soon!" Al, one of the neighbors hollered with excitement.

"Well, you should probably get going," Aaron said. "I wouldn't want you to miss any of the firework display."

"Yeah," I replied, somewhat saddened that our conversation was ending, "I should get going. When are you coming to town next?"

"Uh, here, let me check my schedule…yeah, probably gonna visit dear old Ma and Dad during March or April. So, I guess I won't be seeing you for a while…"

"Yeah, I – uh – guess not," I managed to reply, trying my best not to sound disappointed. "Well, you take care of yourself, and I will be on the look-out for those movies of yours."

Aaron managed to laugh at my comment. "When I finally get a movie of mine off the small film festival radar and it manages to hit the big screens all across America, you will be personally invited to the first screening party – whenever the heck that will be."

I giggled. "I would be honored to attend."

There was a small silence before Aaron spoke again. "Hey Anna…"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"…don't forget to enjoy life."

I smiled sadly. "I won't. You enjoy life too, alright?"

"I will do that. Well, if you have the time to…"

"…I'll call you. Or if you get a chance, just…"

"…I'll call you too," Aaron finished for me. There was a beat before he finished his end of the conversation. "I love you Anna. Take care."

"Love you too," I said, and shut my phone. I exhaled and leaned back against the patio chair, staring out into the sky, which was currently being illuminated by bursts of colors – reds, oranges, blues, and stunning whites. The children let out enchanted little gasps and pointed up at the sky in awe.

I climbed out of my chair and walked over towards where the women of Maggie's neighborhood were standing, staring up at the illuminated sky. Maggie smiled her broad smile at me and draped an arm around my shoulder.

And there we stood, staring up at the sky for the longest time.

There was nowhere on earth that would have made me any happier than where I was at that moment.

Maybe it was true. Maybe everything that a person goes through in their lifetime is designed for an end purpose in mind. Maybe there is some divine plan, and we are just the pawns – no one greater or lesser than another; everyone's on the same playing field.

Maybe as the summer drew to a close, and the festive fall of New York began to take over, maybe that was a time to begin again – to start anew, fresh, and with a clean slate. I watched the leaves in Central Park begin to turn colors, and I thought that maybe I needed a change in life too.

Maybe this would be my year to take a chance, to finally break out of my shell, and have some fun. Maybe I should give Flack a chance, let him remind me all about the joys of relationships again. Maybe I could get lost in his beautiful blue eyes, catch my breath, and continue to pour over my evidence in embarrassment. (Well, that 'maybe' had already happened a few weeks after Independence Day, and I was _still _finding it hard to look him in the eyes and not smile bashfully).

Maybe Aaron was right.

_Maybe_, I thought, pulling my coat out of my work locker, _maybe I should listen to Aaron more often._

**We're skipping some events (like a lunch date that Flack and Anna had) that I covered in some of the chapters in "Stories" just to save us some time (i.e.: the Danny/Lindsay minor feud, Elsie's comments, Stella/Anna conversation about kicking, etc.) The next major event will take place in October/November-ish (which is when the imaginary DL hostage plotline takes place in my mind. LOL) Of course, December brings Christmas (which I wanted to cover in another few chapters) and January brings Anna's birthday (we won't cover too much of that since you got all the good stuff in "Stories") but everything within that January – May window shall be revealed (remember, Flack and Anna dated for four months before her kidnapping). Sound cool? Okay. Well, read and review and make me happy please!**


	11. A Little Fall of Rain

_chili-peppers: Thank you! I can't wait to write more!_

_meadow567: Well, we shall see. To be honest, I really haven't decided yet what will happen to him. And yes, he is a great friend to Anna. I think he gives her a level head and a little kick in the right direction when she needs it. Haha. Thanks for reviewing!_

_demolished-soul: Ooh, fireworks are awesome. I'm glad you liked this filler chapter, but I had to give you all something so you didn't think I died or fell off the planet during my school-work oriented hiatus. Haha. I hope I can write this D/L!_

_sparkyCSI: Normally, out east (I used to live in PA and am now in FL) we all shoot off fireworks in our backyards or driveways on the 4th of July (some people buy the ones that shoot off in the air, even though they're illegal. Haha). If you have a spacious backyard, there's normally a party or something in nearly every neighborhood, and you invite people to hang out and eat food and then shoot off fireworks, so I thought that it would be a cool addition to the story for Anna. I read the spoilers over at the TalkCSI forum, though I don't know if they are credible or not. Even if they aren't, it would make a really good plotline. LOL. Glad you enjoyed and I will try and write as much as possible during this school year._

_snowbear96: Ah, school. (dies) I'm taking 3 Advanced Placement (college credit) courses, so between those and my other courses and extra-curricular stuff, I shall hope to update like, on weekends. LOL. Glad you liked the little filler chapter!_

_Axellia: No, I'm not punishing you! That would be mean. Haha. I just have a ton of work between school and extra-curricular stuff that I don't have time to update anymore, really. It gives me time to formulate ideas though, which is good. I'm glad you liked the small town stuff (being from a small town in the boonies too, I know. LOL). Thanks for your review!_

**Alright, well, here comes the angst. And normally, I am more of a fluffy type of author. You noticed the angst I wrote in the beginning of this story, but I usually don't write that kind of stuff. However, this chapter will be angsty, but not containing a cliff-hanger (notice how this story doesn't contain many of them?) so you all needn't worry. Haha. Well, if you are ready, bring on the (supposed) plot for the second episode of season three, though I don't think it has been confirmed. Oh, and the beginning may seem similar to "Butterflied" from the LV CSI (in terms of character resemblances to victims), and it kinda is, but it will have a point once you read on in the chapter. **_Disclaimer: I don't own the song lyrics or title because they belong to the wonderfully talented geniuses who put together the musical "Les Miserables" – and obviously, I don't own _that_ (although I wish I did!). ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: I do not own the parts in italics that you will read at the end of the chapter. Those passages are taken from "The Poisonwood Bible" (the same place I got Anna's middle and last name from) and they belong to Barbra Kingsolver, so they're not mine._

Chapter 10: A Little Fall of Rain

_A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now,_

_You're here; that's all I need to know_

_And you will keep me safe, and you will keep me close_

_And rain will make the flowers grow_

I fix my eyes towards the heavens, towards the bleak and desolate sky, as raindrops splash onto my face, clinging to my eyelashes. I lift my arms directly up to the sky, reaching towards something – what, I do not know. All I know is that I am reaching, stretching, yearning to touch some_one_ or some_thing_. I close my eyes, listening to the rain pound against the city pavement, ricocheting off of cars, and pounding the sides of apartment buildings. I know that I must look foolish, but I turn slowly in a circle, my wet hair whipping against the side of my face and clinging there. And still, I have yet to care what my appearance is, or how others may perceive me. My cares are carried with the downpour, with the onslaught of rain, as if the heavens are crying, sobbing uncontrollably, deafening us mortals with the precipitation. I can scarcely hear over the thunderous waves of rain. The forecast called for _torrential downpours_ and I found the term quite fitting for the amount of rain that was cascading down from the sky. I wanted to be washed, to be cleansed, and to feel free again. My wet clothes clung to my body like some sort of extra skin, not shielding me from the rain, but becoming part of me, part of the person that they called Anna. I opened my eyes and brought my hands down from their position of reaching, and instead hugged my shoulders with them. I walked slowly down the street, cradling myself. I was thankful then, for the rain for one reason:

No one could see the tears I was crying.

Earlier that day, when the sun still shone brightly amidst the azure backdrop of New York sky, I still had hope to cling onto. And now, I suppose, the only thing left to hold onto was myself.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I surveyed blood spatter in the entrance to a small dining area of an apartment and sighed. _Another day, another death, and so goes life_, I thought to myself. I looked over at Hawkes, who was walking around the victim's apartment, and was now studying various photographs on the refrigerator. He paused for a moment and let out a soft "Woah". I made my way over towards where my co-worker was intently studying a photograph of a young man and woman. My eyes widened when I saw what he did.

It was Lindsay.

It _was _her, but it _wasn't_ her. They say that everyone has a twin somewhere in the world, and Lindsay's just so happened to be in the same city – go figure. The young woman in the photograph bore an uncanny resemblance to my colleague and friend; she had the same hair, soft auburn curls falling just to her shoulders, and she had the same chocolate eyes as Lindsay's. The young woman in the photograph was even petite, just like Lindsay was. The only difference was the facial structure and features – the woman had a longer nose and barely noticeable freckles on her cheekbones.

"Doesn't that look like…" Hawkes began.

"…Lindsay?" Mac intercepted, posing the question. We both turned around to find our supervisor standing near the entertainment system. He had an unreadable expression on his face – whether it bore concern, displeasure, or discomfort, I will never know. Mac ushered us with his gloved hands to follow him into the bathroom. At the threshold of the tiny bathroom, I sighed again. There she was, lying on the tiled floor – lifeless. I stared at the young woman's face, Lindsay's smile flashing before my eyes. It was her on the floor. It was her in that pool of blood. It was her, with eyes that would never blink again. That was all I could see: _her_.

"Anna," Mac began, bringing me back to reality. I fixed my eyes on his. "You can do this," he continued, "This is no different than any other case."

Hawkes interjected. "Even so, she still does look like…"

"I _know_," Mac's agitated voice responded. "I know who she looks like, but she is not Lindsay. Her name is Zoë Quinton, age 30 with a brother named Lincoln who lives a few blocks from here. Her parents are both deceased, and apparently, Zoë, being the eldest sister, looked out for her younger brother a lot. She visited him and he visited her; they were close, as you can tell by the picture on the refrigerator door. She worked at a theatre company downtown, running the sound booth and the lights. Any other questions?"

I looked at Hawkes and nodded my head, holding up a hand. "One question," I began, looking over at the dead young woman. "How did she die?"

Mac looked at me with a glint in his eyes. "That's your job," he said, leaving us both to process the crime scene. "I just got a call from Flack, and he needs me and Danny down by Madison Square Garden to process another scene. Think you both can handle this?"

I, again, looked at Hawkes and we both nodded. Mac gave us both a curt nod before heading out of the apartment. Hawkes and I looked at each other once more, and got to work.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hammerback's face was scrunched up in concentration as I tapped my foot impatiently on the morgue's hard floor. Finally, Hammerback spoke, but it was in a voice barely above a whisper.

"This looks uncannily like…"

"…Lindsay, yes, I realize that," I stated with a roll of my eyes. "We all know she looks like Lindsay, but in order to solve this case, I need you to tell me what the COD was."

A voice whispered over my shoulder: "Wow. Someone is sure snippy today."

I jumped a bit off the ground and whipped around to see who the culprit was. Though, I was pretty sure of whose voice had made the remark.

"God, Marty, do you realize you could be examining my dead body right now? You nearly gave me a heart attack!" I yelled at him. Hammerback gave both of us a glare. I suppose he was still a bit irked with me for being impatient with him.

"You want the COD or not?" he asked. I nodded and threw a death glare at Marty, who was dissolving into silent fits of laughter from the other side of Hammerback.

"She was bludgeoned to death," Hammerback stated quite simply, and then proceeded to explain all of the gory details. I followed along, nodding my head, and trying not to focus on just how much Zoë resembled Lindsay.

As I trotted down the hallway with my papers, I nearly ran over a young woman with platinum blonde hair. I seem to run into people a lot. More than the average person, especially a trained professional, should. The girl smiled at me and picked up her fallen papers off of the floor.

"So, how are you doing?" Valerie asked, shoving all of her paperwork back into a manila folder. I shrugged my shoulders in reply.

"To tell you the truth, I've had better mornings," I said. Valerie smiled sympathetically.

"I know what you mean. I've been running DNA result after DNA result today, and I swear to God if one more person calls out 'Val, can you run this?' I will personally kick them in the shins."

I laughed. "Kick them in the shins? That should be your threat of the day, Val," I replied with a smile. Valerie was one of the many lab techs that I got along with. Val and I had bonded, not only because she lived in my apartment building and sometimes I would give her rides home, but also because she was sarcastic and straight-forward – she had the sense of humor that would make you roll around the floor in laughter.

"Yeah, threat of the day. And it may just be directed at Danny Messer soon," she added, staring off down the hallway. Sure enough, Danny was clutching those infamous envelopes containing evidence. Lindsay was at his heels carrying more evidence. Danny spotted us and waved.

"Hey Val!" he called out, as the woman tried to sneak her way out of Danny's sight. I giggled as Val cursed under her breath and then turned around to meet Danny with a faux smile on her face.

"Yes Danny?" she asked sweetly. Danny motioned towards the envelopes.

"Montana and I are headed off to the AV Lab, so can ya get processin' on some of this DNA?" he asked. I could see Val's jaw clench and I had to suppress my laughter.

"Sure Danny. Anything for you," she said with an angelic bat of her eyelashes. Danny grinned and ushered himself and Lindsay down the hallway. Val looked at their retreating figures and then back to the envelopes in her hand. "Son of a…"

"…_Valerie_," I warned, using her full name for emphasis. Val rolled her eyes at me.

"I should get processing…_again_," she sulked. I laughed at her and she merely let out a dramatic sigh before heading off to run DNA. I shook my head with a smile still on my lips and continued down the hallway to find out where Hawkes was.

It was a sad sight to see.

Zoë's brother – who happened to be only a little bit younger than she was – broke down at the mention of his sister's death. He ushered us inside of his apartment to talk, and eventually was dismissed as a suspect. His name was Kevin, and he talked about how everyone seemed to love Zoë, and how he couldn't believe that anyone would want to hurt such an innocent young woman.

"Well, Kevin, if you have any questions or if you can think of anything at all that may benefit us in this case, you can contact either myself or Detective Flack," I said, rising from a chair. Kevin nodded and Flack extended a business card to him. The young man's tear-stained and solemn face was enough to tell me that he and his sister must have been very close.

As the apartment door shut, Flack spoke up. "I don't know about him."

I stopped in my tracks and faced the detective. "What?"

"I think there's something weird with that guy," Flack elaborated. I stared at him.

"He was cleared as a suspect, Flack. He had an air-tight alibi."

Flack waved his hand impatiently. "I know that. He just seems – I don't know – weird to me, I guess."

We continued to walk down the hallway and didn't say anything else to each other. I had talked to Aaron a lot over the past few months, and so far, my relationship with Flack was strictly business. All work. And I kept telling myself that, day after day. I liked the guy, sure, but I still wasn't ready to take that plunge yet. And apparently, he wasn't either, because apart from one shared lunch, we never went out together.

And I just left it at that, for the time being. If he truly wanted to date me, he would come around to asking me eventually.

Wouldn't he?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I woke up the next morning to sunlight streaming across my face and the obnoxiously peppy woman on the radio station bid me a good morning and a "fantabulous afternoon" (her words, not mine).

"Is fantabulous even a word?" I asked myself, staring out the window at the mid-October autumn in New York. It was quite lovely, I had to admit. The city had its perks, with brilliant lights and a busy lifestyle. However, the city also meant that my chances of getting out early from work were slim. I was startled from my thoughts by pounding on the door. I pulled on my bathrobe and a pair of sandals and walked towards the door.

"NYPD! Anna, are you in there?"

I furrowed my eyebrows and unlocked my door, only to see that no one was standing there. Flack was pounding on the door next door to mine, and Elsie was already headed off for the stairs along with most of the people on my floor. My confusion grew into panic and I walked out into the hallway.

"Anna!"

I turned around to see Mac rushing towards me. At the mention of my name, Flack turned around and spoke with Mac.

"Everyone on this floor is clear except this apartment," he answered hurriedly. I stared at the door that Flack was referring to, and knelt down so that I could see under the crack in the door.

"Moriah, I need you to open up the door for us please," I said in a calm voice. I looked up towards Flack for an explanation as to why my floor was being evacuated.

"We have a hostage situation two floors below you, and the suspect says that he has a bomb, so we need to get everyone out of here," Mac responded in a level tone. I could feel my heart racing, and a little girl's voice interrupted my panicked thoughts.

"Annie?"

"Yes, Mo-Mo, this is Annie. I want you to open the door for me please. It's very important that you do this. Please," I begged the young girl. There was the sound of locks clicking, and a little girl peered outside of her apartment at the strangers. I pulled the young girl into my arms and scooped her up, carrying her towards the flight of stairs with Flack and Mac at my heels.

"What's going on?" I asked as we descended.

"Remember your victim's brother Kevin?" Mac asked. My eyes widened. "Well, this morning Valerie, one of our lab techs, goes to open her apartment door after going for a run, and Kevin comes up to her and shoves her into her apartment at gunpoint."

I couldn't think clearly. Valerie…Kevin…hostage situation? The words just weren't registering. I felt Flack's hand on the small of my back as he motioned for me to stand behind a secured area. I put Moriah down and she grabbed Elsie's hand. My best friend looked at me from behind fearful eyes.

"Stay with Moriah," I said. Elsie nodded mutely and grasped the little girl's hand tighter. Flack studied me.

"You're not staying here," he stated. I gawked.

"I am a CSI, Donald Flack, and I think that I can decide for myself if I am staying. We need to think of some way to get Valerie out of there, and I want to be with you and the rest of the team."

"You're going back to the lab. Danny's back there and I told him to look after you," he began, steering me into the lab's SUV.

"Flack," I began, trying to start an argument, "I need to stay here. This is my building, and this is our vic's brother up there…"

"Back at the lab," Flack said authoritatively, blue eyes meeting mine. "I am _not_ risking you getting hurt. You need to go, alright?"

"But…"

"No buts. Goodbye Anna. We will call if anything changes," he said with finality. I noticed Lindsay, putting a wire on as she stood talking with Mac and Flack. My eyes widened in realization as the police officer who was driving the SUV pulled away from my building. Flashes of Zoë's face and Lindsay's resemblance to her ran before my eyes. Kevin trusted and loved his sister more than anything else in the world. And he would do anything for her. I knew at that moment what she was about to do.

Lindsay was going into that building.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The lab was busier than usual, lab techs walking around with worried expressions on their faces, obviously feeling compassion and fear for their co-worker. It was determination that I was feeling as I rushed down the hallway, peering into each and every room, looking for the one person who could take me back to my apartment. I didn't care what Flack said anymore. I _was _going back to that apartment building. And I knew who would take me.

"Danny!" I called into one of the rooms. The New Yorker stared up at me with a puzzled expression.

"Have you seen Montana lately? I know Flack and Mac are down at that scene down there…"

"…it was at my apartment building," I stated. Danny's eyes widened.

"Are you alright? No one is hurt, are they?"

I shook my head and Danny studied me, as if he knew there was more to the story. "Well, you ain't going anywhere. Mac made sure to call me and tell me to keep you and Stella here at the lab."

"Danny…"

"No, Price. I want you to stay here, and that's final," Danny said as he rose from his chair and headed towards the door.

"It's Lindsay," I blurted out. Danny paused and turned back around to face me, baffled.

"What?"

I exhaled. "When Flack sent me away, I saw Lindsay down there. She was putting a wire on herself. I think she's going to go into the building to try and rescue Val." I felt that rambling was futile, as I looked over at my friend with a pained expression on my face.

Danny's fists clenched the papers that he was holding, crumpling them in half. It wasn't out of anger or irritation that he was doing this. It was out of disbelief, and – dare I say it – fear.

"Anna, this better not be a joke, 'cause if it is, it's not a funny one…"

"No joke," I swore with a worried look now on my face. "I think I know why she's going in there too. Kevin's sister Zoë bore a resemblance to Lindsay. Kevin is unstable, Danny. I think he might have some form of schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder. He seemed kind of distant when we talked to him – in the twilight zone, so to speak. But Zoë always cared for him, and she knew about his disorder. She loved him, and I think that Lindsay's going undercover as…well, Zoë."

Danny was shaking his head as he fumbled around for his keys. "C'mon Price," he said, pulling me down the hallway. "We're going down to that apartment."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Why the hell would you let Lindsay go in there? Damnit Mac, do you think I wanna lose another partner? You should know after everything that has happened to this lab, we need to keep people safe. How could you let her do that, Mac? I trusted you for God's sakes, and you're feedin' her to the wolves!"

"Danny, calm down. She _chose _to go in there."

"And you couldn't have stopped her?" Danny asked in furious disbelief. Mac stared at his friend and replied with a calm, level tone.

"Danny, Lindsay is a professional. She _knows _what she's doing. We won't lose her."

"Aiden was a _trained professional_ too, Mac, and you don't see her standing here!" Danny yelled. "And Stella was a _trained professional_ too, but look at what happened to her. And Flack is a _trained professional _but he was almost killed too, Mac. Jesus, Mac, we can't lose anyone else."

"Stella and Flack are still here," Mac said, staring his friend in the face. "We didn't lose them."

"They _could have_ been gone, Mac, and that's the point!"

Danny was upset, to say the least, as he paced around the crime lab's SUV. Mac, who was the target of Danny's verbal attacks, was trying to calm his friend down. I though, may have been the only one to notice that Danny failed to call Lindsay _Montana_, and instead used her real name.

"_She _wanted to go in there Danny. There's nothing I could…"

"Stop saying that Mac!" Danny shouted at his supervisor. The former removed his glasses and ran a hand through his short mousy hair and exhaled deeply. I put a hand on Danny's shoulder and kept it there.

"Danny, listen to me," I said softly. Danny kept his eyes fixed on the asphalt. "Lindsay knows what she's doing, alright? She'll be fine. She's a smart girl."

Danny closed his eyes and sighed again. "I know, I know, it's just that I never thought I would be placed in this situation," Danny admitted with a sad little laugh, "God, I never thought that I would care this much about a girl, but Lindsay's different, you know?" Danny saw my satisfied smirk and added hurriedly: "Not that I have feelings for Lindsay or anything like that, it's just that she's my partner and…"

I smirked again. "You just called her _Lindsay_ againinstead of _Montana_," I noted proudly. Danny shifted his eyes away from me and our conversation was interrupted by a familiar female voice.

"_Kevin? Kevin, open the door please. It's Zoë."_

Lindsay's voice crackled to our ears and we all dashed towards the SUV. The wire was picking her up. Huddled around, I stood beside Flack, Danny, and Mac as we all listened intently. There was a shuffle, and then a barely audible male voice spoke.

"_Yes, Kevin, it's me. Open the door please."_

I prayed silently for Lindsay and my shoulder, for Danny's grip was so tight that I thought it would start bruising any minute.

There was the sound of a door opening and then the male voice became clearer.

"_It's you. It's you Zoë. I knew you weren't gone. I told them, but they said you were…they said you were…"_

"_Well, I'm here now Kevin. Can I come inside?"_

"_There are policemen out there looking for me…they think I'm bad. But I don't mean it, really…I didn't mean to get out of hand Zoë…"_

Lindsay's voice was soothing and full of compassion. _"I know you didn't mean to, Kevin, but the police officers just want to help. See, you have a gun, and they think you're gonna hurt that poor girl over there."_

"_But – but I don't wanna hurt anyone. I swear Zoë! I swear!"_

"_Kevin, if you let the girl go, we can all get out of this fine. I'll take care of you, just like I always promised."_

"_I – I can't. I can't go out there Zoë. They'll take you away from me. I'll never see you again, and I can't never see you again!"_

I began to grow worried. Apparently, Kevin was beginning to get a bit hysterical. Lindsay was doing her best to calm the troubled young man down, and get herself and Val out alive.

"_Look, Kevin, just put down the gun. Please."_

"_No. I don't want to. He told me I couldn't."_

"_Who's 'he'? What do you mean Kevin?"_

"_Ethan. Ethan told me not to put the gun down. He says that they'll take me away and put me in a nut house. I don't wanna go to a nut house, Zoë. I can't see you ever again if they take me away."_

"_Please, Kevin, just put the gun down…I promise that I won't make them take you away."_

"_Like you promised you wouldn't move away from me? Well, you moved away from us! From Mom and Dad and from everyone else on the farm! And you won't keep this promise either!"_

"_Kevin, put the gun –"_

There was a shot, static, and then silence. And we all held our breaths, knowing that something had gone terribly, terribly wrong.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I stood for what seemed like an eternity, when in reality it had only been about ten minutes. I watched Danny, who was anxiously pacing the street, hands jammed into his coat pockets, and eyes on the floor where Lindsay was.

_Oh God, oh God, oh God._

That was all we could mutter under our breaths. For some of us, it was a plea – something that we did when under anxiety. We were asking God why he could have allowed something to happen to her. For most of us though, it was a prayer – a prayer of desperation, knowing that the only way she could get out alive with Val was if by chance, a miracle occurred. It began to grow cloudier by the minute, and I was thankful for the spare change of clothes that I had put into my locker. They had truly come in handy, since the only thing I had been wearing in the morning was a pair of pajamas and a bathrobe. I paused my thoughts long enough to look up at the window where Lindsay was supposed to have been. I felt the first drop on my nose and furiously brushed it away with the back of my hand. The second drop fell on Danny's glasses, and he took them off to wipe them on his shirt. Poor Danny – what could I do or say that would make everything alright again? He had thrown out a steady stream of curse words in the directions of Mac and Flack when we first arrived on the scene, cursing them because they let her go in there, cursing them because she could have gotten herself in too deep, cursing them because they sent no police back-up with her, but mainly he was not cursing _them_. He was cursing _himself_. He was pacing the asphalt, buried under the weight of _what could have been_. It's a heavy burden to bear, and it must have felt like the world was atop his shoulders. He was biting his lip, staring at the ground, and then glancing expectantly back up to the window. No sign of her. He still paced the ground, desperate in his walk to help her – somehow.

His eyes told me enough. He was worried, yes – we were all worried. He was fearful, yes – we all were fearful for Lindsay's safety. But there was something more to it than that. There was something behind his eyes that suggested to me that there was much more than worry or fear could ever convey. And it wasn't the first time I had seen that glimmer, the flash behind his brilliantly blue eyes – I saw the same glint in the pizza place the night that I went out to dinner with Danny and Lindsay. I saw love. I saw true, unbridled, compassionate, fearful and terrified love. This wasn't the kind of look of puppy-love, no, if it had been _that _Danny would have been glowing at work or whenever he saw Lindsay. Right now he was just standing, eyes solidly fixed on one spot and one spot alone. His gaze was steady, never leaving that window. A crash of thunder herded the remaining bystanders and tenants of my apartment into the nearest coffee shop. Of course, they could drink coffee without care – they didn't know the women who were in that building. _They _didn't work with them. The rain began to pour down in sheets, deafening and somber, reflecting the essence of our morning. I watched Mac sink into the seat of the SUV, fingers raked in his hair and palm cradling his temple as he stared at the ground. Remorse? Guilt? Quite possibly. Flack's arms were crossed in front of his chest as he stood next to me, unflinching, even as the sky was illuminated by the flash of lighting. Thunder rang out shortly, shaking the earth, it seemed. I began to blink – I was blinking back tears. It seemed less and less likely as the seconds ticked by that Lindsay and Val were alright. And there I would be, outside of the apartment building, facing yet two more tragedies. I couldn't bear to do that, to face that again. I was _always _the one to lose people, I was the one bearing some horrid curse, some dreadful disease of death and separation. I couldn't stand there – I just couldn't. I had to do _something_, which was why I walked in front of Flack and began moving towards the building.

"Anna!" Flack called out over the rain. _To live is to be marked. To live is to change, to acquire the words of a story, and that is the only celebration we mortals really know. In perfect stillness, frankly, I've only found sorrow. _I didn't stop, not even for him. His arm grabbed my wrist and I struggled to break free from his grasp, but he wouldn't let me go. _And it happened finally by the grace of hell and brimstone that I had to keep moving. I moved, and he stood still. _I whipped around to face Flack, ready to scream over the rain, and more or less, ready to scream at someone, anyone who would listen to me.

"What? I need to go in there! I need to do this! I need to help! I need to! I need to! I can't sit and watch; I need to help them! I need to help them, Flack. I need to…" I trailed off through hysterical sobs and Flack pulled me into him, wrapping his arms comfortingly around me as I continued to cry. _The substance of grief is not imaginary. It's as real as rope or the absence of air, and like both of those things it can kill. _I cried into his shirt as he held me tightly. He remained silent. I think he knew that I needed to cry. I felt warm and safe and protected in his arms. Finally, I felt my tears begin to subside, although the rain was far from following suit. The heavens were still weeping, crying out for some release, a form of guilt or sorrow of their own, I suppose. Flack studied my face, tear-stained. I took deep breaths, feeling the rain soak through my clothes. I felt release, a form of cleansing.

I stared at the apartment building, through sheets of gray and saw figures moving towards the patrol cars. I let out a gasp, a gasp of thankfulness and disbelief. Lindsay's curls were matted to her face as she walked slowly, steadily towards us. The police had rushed forward to handcuff Kevin, who looked dejected and solemn. Val was taking her steps cautiously, as if each one was precious to her. Danny stood, transfixed, looking at Lindsay, their eyes meeting. Mac rushed forward with a blanket and draped it over Val's shoulders, then ushered her quickly out of the rain. Lindsay, however, just kept walking forward, closer, closer, as if she was in a dream. She was close enough now that I realized the tears streaming down her face. She met my eyes for a moment, and then Danny took cautious steps forward before he decided what to do. He placed both of his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes without saying a word, before pulling her into him. Lindsay's hands immediately wrapped around Danny, and she clung to the back of his T-shirt, body shaking with sobs. Lindsay's head was buried in Danny's shoulder as he kept his hands firmly on the back of her head. They stood there for minutes, inseparable, neither wanting to let go of the other for fear of losing them. I exhaled, realizing that I had been holding my breath the entire time. Flack had retreated back towards the SUV to fetch a blanket for Lindsay. When he came back, the pair had broken apart and Danny was shaking her shoulders lightly, talking to her.

"_I was so scared that he was going to do something stupid. I wrestled with him for the gun, and my wire fell off, and then the shot…he dropped the gun and backed away from it, terrified. The shot knocked out a light, and Valerie screamed…and then I tried to talk some more to Kevin to calm him down."_

"_You're alright, Lindsay. You're okay. You're safe now."_

_Lindsay sniffed. "I know. It was just so scary, being in there…" Tears began to flow and Danny shook her shoulders lightly, keeping them there for reinforcement of his next point. _

"_You're safe. Nothing's gonna happen to you now, okay?"_

_Lindsay nodded and sniffed, accepting the blanket that Flack handed her. Danny placed his hand delicately on the small of her back and ushered her into the lab's SUV._

I continued to stand there, still transfixed. The tenants of my building were allowed back in, and everyone ran towards the building, eager to escape the rain. Mac got out of the SUV and looked at me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Go inside, Anna and get some rest. It's been a long day for everyone."

I nodded and watched the police cars and SUV pull out and away. But instead of going inside, I began to walk away from my apartment building, headed towards God knows where. I just wanted to go _away_. I couldn't believe it – here I was, running in the opposite direction again, to clear my head. I had run the opposite direction from Miami, and now I was roaming the wet New York streets, looking for my next escape – that was what I was, honestly: Annabelle Leah Price, the Vanishing Act. I pulled my wet coat around my shoulders and brushed my brunette locks out of my face. I stared up at the sky, not sure of why I was walking away. I should face my fears, my anxieties, and my insecurities head on, shouldn't I? That's what they tell us, at least. _Face your fears_. _The only thing to fear is fear itself._ But have they stared fear in the face and seen its ugly head? Have they _truly _felt fear, tasted it, lived it? I stopped dead in my tracks and pondered my next move. Where would I end up if I kept walking? The rain in my life would always be there, no matter how far away I went. I was the rain, and the rain was me. We couldn't escape one another. So I made my decision, and turned around, this time headed back towards home, my apartment, to face my troubles head-on.

As I continued walking, the rain began to subside, little by little, and the sun peeked our from beneath the dark gray clouds of despair. It was a hope, a promise that life would always contain storms, and yet around the corner, there would always be a bit of sunlight. I squinted as the light met my eyes and smiled.

_That is the only marker you need. Move on. Walk forward into the light._

**So, a tad bit depressing, right? LOL. I normally don't write angst/tragedy very well, but this chapter called for it. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I am looking forward to reading all of your comments. It is the weekend, which means that in a bout a week from now you can plan on reading my next chapter! (School is consuming my life. AH!) Leave comments & enjoy!**


	12. For Death

_ladyerudite: Anna is a survivor in every sense of the word. Haha. And that will come out even more in this chapter, even though we see the most vulnerable side of Anna. And even though she breaks down, she still gets back up and back into one piece. Ah, well LV will not arrive for a while longer, and the Flack/Anna relationship will happen shortly, don't worry! Thank you for reading & reviewing!_

_chili-peppers: Thank you, as always for the review! Haha. I like the DL too. (giggles)_

_demolished-soul: Oh, thank you so much! That means a lot! I know many writers who 'ship DL were putting together their own plots and I wanted mine to be a bit different from the others, so I thought that this sufficed. Ah, but if you think THAT was depressing, just read this chapter. LOL._

_sparkyCSI: Awh, thank you! I am honored that you think I write angst well. Weird enough, I write angst when I am in a fairly good mood. Haha. My muse is pretty honored too, so she thanks you too! Haha. _

_meadow567: Thank you! Glad that you enjoyed it!_

_Troo: Thank you so much for the review! I sent you the message about the spoilers, so hopefully you got it. _

_lewiscentral: Oh, yeah! I am planning on continuing this story for a while to come. Thank you for the review!_

_Snowbear96: Oh, and the depression just keeps on coming. You won't be rid of it fully until sometime after this chapter. LOL. I promise that there is fluff to come, so don't worry!_

**First off, I apologize for the LONG delay. School has consumed my life, if you hadn't noticed. Okay, now, I thought that the angst might be over, but sadly, it must resurface for a little bit longer. Some of you asked about Aaron, and I honestly hadn't planned out what would happen to him when I started writing this, because I just kinda threw in his character into the story during that chapter, and eventually, I decided to make him a major character in Anna's life. But, I ended up drawing a conclusion on his – well – fate. No one is sadder than I am, as I wrote this chapter up, but it had to be done, unfortunately. (Why else would Aaron, who is supposed to be Anna's best friend/love of her life, until Flack and Greg of course, be absent from "Stories", which takes place AFTER this story? In all truthfulness, I created Aaron _after _I thought of the whole plotline for "Stories" and for "Chasing Hope", so he doesn't fit into that story at all, which means that between now – Anna's life as a 23-year old – and the end of "Stories", when Anna is grown, married, and has kids, he must have disappeared from Anna's life…and we are about to witness that) Again, I apologize for the angst and the depressing plotline of this chapter. I promise, happy chapters WILL come! **_Disclaimer: I do not own this poem at the beginning of the chapter (Okay, so I lied when I said all my chapters would be song titles), since that poem belongs to Emily Dickinson. _

Chapter 11: For Death

_Because I could not stop for Death,_

_He kindly stopped for me_

_The carriage held but just ourselves_

_And Immortality._

Unerfahrenheit ist Seligkeit.

_Lack of experience is bliss._

La ignorancia es la felicidad.

_The ignorance is the happiness._

L'ignoranza è bliss.

_The ignorance is bliss._

No matter how many times I say it, in different tongues, in different tones, in whispers, in laughter, in jeering, in crying – it all means the same thing. _Ignorance is bliss_. It is better to not know and live in happiness, then to know and live in sorrow. _Because I could not stop for Death, He kindly stopped for me._ I couldn't stop, and I still won't stop. I will always continue moving, towards the sun. You're gone, and you left me here – alone. You left all of us here, without you. I already miss your voice, your laughter, your smile, your playful demeanor. I miss your spirit. Oh God, how I miss you already. Please don't leave me. I ache from crying, and my eyes are forever stained with tears. You can't leave me like this. Please, I beg of you: don't leave me. Oh, God, hear my cry! Do you hear it? Please, just let me go, and save the soul of the other.

I bring your white knuckles up to my lips and kiss them softly. It's my silent communication. _I will always love you_. My tears stain your fingers and I feel a hand on my shoulder. She shakes her head sadly at me and pulls me into her embrace. We cry together, two women mourning the death of someone we both loved. I take one last look at your face, and make you a vow, as I can hear your voice whisper to me through the silence of the room. _Anna, do not live with regrets_, you tell me_. For my sake, only live, and live happily._

For your sake, I will.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It has been known that few moments occur when you feel as if time has frozen, stood still, just as if you were watching a movie of your life. There were two times when I felt this, and both of them were with _you_. Oh and how I crave to feel time stand still once more, so that I may have one last moment with you, with you standing here, laughing with me. But you are watching me, smiling upon me, with the smile that could make the sun shrink back in envy. And I wish I could see you, just one more time.

You hit the rewind button on my life, and watch, intrigued as I work a case in the heart of New York City.

"Hey, Anna, come check this out," Danny says, motioning for me to follow him over towards the victim. I walk confidently towards the scene, ready for anything. I stand, arms crossed over my chest, as I look down upon the figure of a dead man, probably in his late forties to early fifties, with an array of objects littering the area around his body. I snap photos as to preserve the scene and furrow my eyebrows in concentration. A hatchet, a knife, a gun, a rope, a brick…a-ha!

"_There's a hatchet, got a knife. When I awoke, there was nothing real in this life, dreams are so intoxicating, when you're doing this alone. Gun, rope, brick on the way, words have no meaning when it's you that says 'I really do care. No baby, I really do care.' _And thus, our scene," I conclude with a triumphant little smirk on my face. Danny stares at me blankly.

"And that means…what?"

I roll my eyes at him. "It means that our killer knows the song "Never Take Friendship Personal". You know, the group Anberlin sings it…"

"No, I don't know," Danny replies. I shrug at him, merely amused that I knew something that Danny Messer did not. I continue to snap photos of the crime scene, and hear the ring of my cell phone, interrupting my photographing. I answer it with pep.

"Anna Price."

I frown at the voice on the other line and try to listen to the jumble of Italian that the woman is spouting at me.

"Hold on, hold on. I can't understand what you're saying. Slow down, please. Chi è questo?" I listen for the answer, and Danny looks over at me with curiosity. "Mrs. Folk? What's the matter?"

I listen for a few more rambling sentences of Italian before the woman switches over to English. "Something has happened. Out in California. It's Aaron."

My eyes widen even more and my heart starts racing, but I try and steady myself before continuing. "What about Aaron? What happened?"

Danny stops mid-tape lift and stares over at me with a concerned expression on his face. He rises from his position over the DB and moves towards where I stand. He places a hand on my shoulder, and I hold a finger up to him, to demonstrate that I am still talking.

"He…he is hurt, Anna. Badly."

I feel my stomach lurch. _No. No, not Aaron, not my Aaron_."Mrs. Folk, he's going to be alright, though. He'll recover. He'll be fine…"

"Anna…" the woman begins with her motherly tone of voice, "he was in a car accident, a very bad accident. He is in the hospital now. The doctors, they…" I hear a choked swallow on the other line, "…they don't think he's going to make it."

I shake my head furiously, letting my hair sting my face. "No. No."

I can't say anything else. Danny grips my shoulder and I stare up at him from behind the most terrified eyes. His sympathetic gaze holds mine before the woman on the other line continues. She is talking about Aaron being in a comatose state. I can't hear her. I try to block her out. No, it's not possible. I will call Aaron's house and he'll answer with the same energetic voice that I have always known and loved. He'll end our conversation with his classic "Ti amo Anna." He will always be there.

"…Anna, we are flying out to California tonight to see him…"

"I want to go see him," I say with determination. Danny nods his head at me, and moves over away from my conversation to make a phone call of his own, to Mac, undoubtedly.

"We thought you would say that. Anna, he loved you so much, that you are like family to us…"

"He _loves _me," I correct her. Aaron was not gone, and yet Mrs. Folk was using the past tense already. He was still in California, and there were miracles, I was sure, that could heal him. He would be alright in the end. We both would. Just like he always promised me. He would always be there, and I would always be there for him.

"…yes, dear, he does love you. And I know he would like you to be there with him. Lara is opening her house when we leave tonight, and you are more than welcome to stay with us. We're going to the hospital after our flight lands." I don't say anything at first, because I am thinking.

"Go," whispers a voice in my ear. I turn around to see Danny, standing with Mac. Mac nods at me and gestures his hand towards the lab's SUV, which Danny walks towards. I bite my lip and nod towards Mac before I follow Danny into the car. Danny drives me to my apartment in silence as I stare at the information I had written down about my flight and the directions. Danny continues to stare out the window as we drive to my apartment to pick up my clothes.

"He's gonna be alright, Aaron," Danny assures me. I swallow and nod, only to find myself beginning to cry. Would he be alright?

"Hey, hey," Danny says with a soothing tone as I furiously wipe away tears. We hit a red light and he stares at me intently. "It's alright to cry, Anna. You can cry in front of me. I've been through it all, kid."

I let a few more tears fall before I convince myself to stop crying. It is not because of Danny. I can cry in front of him. God knows, he was like a brother to me. I cry because for the first time in my twenty odd some years of life, I am afraid.

I am _truly _afraid.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………...

By some miracle of sorts, I managed to arrive in California with every part of me still intact, although the emotions were subject to question. I didn't know how long I could hold in my breath, waiting for a call, a "He woke up" or a "He's fine". But until then, I might as well have been holding my breath, for the pain inside of me was sharper than anything I had ever felt before. It was a gnawing pain, a sting, coursing through my body, urging me onward. And I felt the pain rise into my throat as I landed in California, and met Aaron's parents and his sister Lara at the airport. The young, blonde woman embraced me with a hug, assuring me that everything would be alright in the end.

"After all," she stated simply, "Aaron tells me all of the time: _Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, then it's not the end._"

I smiled sadly at Lara, and nodded, despite the knot in my stomach. At least Lara was using the present-tense. She still believed that there was hope, a miracle of sorts, for her younger brother. George and Nathalie embrace me as well, their grips holding me strongly, tightly.

We drive to the hospital in pensive silence. I stare blankly out of the window, a carry-on suitcase propped up in the trunk, containing my necessities for the next few days. I know that in that duffel bag there are a few assorted items, a pair of jeans, a sweater, a baggy T-shirt, and hygiene products. But there is one other article of clothing.

A black dress.

I pray to God that I do not have to wear the black number. I do not wish to feel the flowing skirt of the dress in the wind. I do not want to end up pulling on a pair of strappy black heels. I can't bear to think of a funeral. No black dresses, no blackness. Only light. That is what I keep focusing on. The light.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Because I could not stop for Death, He kindly stopped for me._

I rub my temples as I sit outside of Aaron's room, reading my novel of choice – The Poisonwood Bible. I let out a sigh and stare directly ahead of me, where a food cart is stationed. I am numb, and weak – exhausted from this chase. Death has kindly stopped for me. Why? It seems as if He realizes that I am running, running in the opposite direction. So He stops. And He waits. And I do not dare to glance behind me for fear of seeing his shadow pass over my shoulders. So, I keep on running. Lara is in the cafeteria somewhere, trying to find us all a decent snack or meal. Aaron's parents are in his room with him. They sometimes speak to him in Italian, and sometimes in English. I keep my focus, unwavering, and continue to stare at the cart. The food cart has no emotions; it feels no pain, no sorrow, no anguish. In that moment, as absurd as it may sound, I wished I was that food cart. Oh, what it would be like to not feel any of the pain, to not have a heart. Well, hello Annabelle the tin woman off headed towards the antithesis of Oz!

Aaron's parents step outside of the room with helpless looks on their faces. I don't know exactly what they were feeling – had I been a mother at that point in time, maybe I would have known. But seeing the utter anguish, regret, and sorrow on George and Nathalie's face was enough to let me know that I could never relate to them.

A nurse with a curt tone addressed me as I attempted to walk into Aaron's room. "Excuse me," she replied with an air of superiority, "but only family is allowed in the patient's room at this time." Before I could form a coherent (and snide) reply, Nathalie intercepted the conversation, placing a steadying hand on my shoulder.

"She _is _family."

I looked at the older Italian woman, who smiled for probably the first time that day, and so I entered Aaron's room, taking light, cautious steps toward the bed where he is situated, hooked up to wires and machines. I place my novel down on the floor and curse the silence. The soft beeping is my only company, and I stare at Aaron's closed eyelids. We are both silent, for a moment, before I settle into a chair next to his bed. I put my hand on his. Cold. Cold, but not gone. There was still hope.

"Hey Aaron," I begin, finding it strange to hear my own voice, audible and crackling. He doesn't respond. I am not surprised. "So, I don't exactly know what to say to you. It's something I never thought I would have to do, ya know? Of course you know," I said with a little laugh, "you know _everything _about me…"

I paused and looked down at my hand resting on his. I hot tears begin to sting my eyes, so I blinked them back and attempted to concentrate. "It's so funny that you know everything about me, even though I don't know everything about myself. But," I said, exhaling, "I guess that's what best friends do. We take care of each other." **(A/N: Notice the parallelism here? I even took part of Stella's quote – the last line she says in CotP) **

I look over at Aaron, who is lying serenely, not responding, not even in the slightest. I didn't expect him to. I sigh again, and find myself pouring my heart out to my best friend – my forever confidante.

"I can't lose you too, Aaron. I lost my mother – the most important woman in my life, and even though I was young, it still hurt. And I have lost friends along the way. People have moved on, moved out, moved forward. But from the moment I met you, you have always been my rock, my stronghold. I can't bear to lose you too."

My eyes water and I swallow hard, feeling a lump rise in my throat. "Please, just hold on Aaron. We can get through this. We can get through anything together, just you and me. We've gone through so much already…just hold on, please."

I sniff and pick my book up from the floor, letting a choked laugh escape my throat. "You always accuse me of reading too much, don't you Aaron? Yes, I am still obsessed with this 500-something page novel." I flip through the pages and turn to the one that I am on, and read aloud. "_I think Leah and Adah also believed these things, in their own different ways, and that is why none of us moved. We thought we could freeze time for just one more minute, and one more after that. That if none of us confessed it, we could hold back the curse that was going to be our history_."

A tear graced that page, staining it and marking it forever. I looked over at Aaron's face, pale and bandaged, and wept aloud, letting the sobs that tumbled off of my lips become my prayers.

_Oh, God, if you are listening at all, just let him live. Kill me instead, I don't care. Just let him live, please. I can't stand through another funeral, or kneel beside another grave. Just don't make him leave, please. That's all I ask of you. _

I took Aaron's hand and squeezed it tightly, bidding him a goodbye before I left the room. Outside in the hallway, Nathalie drew me into a tight hug and motioned for me to sit in the chair beside her. I obliged, and sank into the chair, exhausted.

"Do you mind if I make a phone call real quick?" I asked the woman. She shook her head and motioned towards the exit.

"Sweetie, you do whatever you need to."

I nodded and ducked outside into the California night air. Dialing a familiar number, I listened to the ringing on the other end. Finally, a woman's voice answered.

"Hello?" Maggie mumbled, voice strained with fatigue. I swallowed and replied.

"Hey, Maggie, it's Anna."

"Anna? What are you doing calling me so late?"

I had forgotten about the time difference.

"Listen, Maggie, Aaron was in a bad accident, so I'm in California…"

"Oh my God. Is he going to be alright?" Maggie was worried, for Aaron's sake, that much was evident. But the woman continued. "…wait, how are you holding up sweetheart?"

I exhaled and raked a hand through my hair distractedly. "He's…he's not looking too good. And the same goes for me," I admitted, slowly falling into a bench.

"Anna, it'll be alright, okay?"

I wanted to scoff. So, I did. "Maggie, how can you say that it'll be alright? He's in the hospital for God's sakes – he's in a coma, Maggie. He may never wake up." I sobbed for what felt like the hundredth time that night, and Maggie's voice soothed me on the other line.

"Honey, if I could give you a hug right now, I would do that…"

"I know."

"…and you know I love you…"

"I know that too," I said with a little smile. Maggie was always there for me, through thick or thin. And in times like these, I knew that I needed her.

I hung up after a few more minutes, and proceeded to dial Elsie's number. She wasn't home, but I sat, contemplating who to call. I waited, and waited as the phone rang. Finally, a tired male voice answered.

"Hello?"

I took a deep breath. "Danny? It's me…"

He was wide awake now. "Anna? Hey, what's going on? How you holdin' up?"

"I'm alright, and Aaron is…he's in a coma, Danny. It doesn't look good."

"Hey now, you can get through this Anna. And Aaron can get through this too, alright?"

I wanted to scream and rant and yell for people to stop filling me with hope, to just let me drown in my misery for once. But how could I yell when they were only trying to console me? Instead, I gave Danny a soft reply.

"Yeah. I hope so."

"You take as long as ya need to, alright? Mac said that he's givin' you all the time you need."

I could only nod. New York seemed like lifetimes, eternities away, just floating in a sea of what once was. And here I was, stuck in the middle of a crisis. My job was the last thing on my mind. But, again, I simply gave Danny a short reply. He bid me goodnight, and we hung up. I ventured into the hospital once more, finding Aaron's family exactly where I had left them.

Nathalie looked up at me and clasped a hand on my shoulder. "Sweetie, you need to rest. You're exhausted." I lied and told her that I was alright, that I could stay awake. But the yawn gave me away. Lara took my hand and escorted me to her car in the parking lot. The ride to her house was silent, as it should have been. Neither of us knew exactly what to say, and even if we had known what to say, it wouldn't have made much difference. Once we approached the house and got settled, Lara escorted me to the spare bedroom where I would be sleeping and made mention of the bathroom and the other necessities. Once Lara left the room, I kicked off my shoes and sat on the bed. Lying down, I found that within a minute, the exhaustion of the day caught up with me. I was out.

I was awoken by a soft shaking of my shoulders. I blinked, my eyes bleary with fatigue and clouded by eye-makeup. Lara's face settled into my view, and I studied her tear-stained gray eyes.

"He's gone."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase _

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating life  
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

I choked back tears as I lifted the haunting tune up over a church filled with people. After the song ended, I stepped up towards the pulpit to deliver my final goodbyes to my best friend.

"When I first met Aaron, he and I hit it off right away. We met for breakfasts, lunches, dinners. He'd pick me up midnight snacks when I had a paper due the next day, and I'd tell him what I – honestly – thought of his songs." The crowd let out a few scattered laughs. "And, eventually, he got up enough nerve to ask me out." I smiled at the memory. "I thought that Aaron was the most amazing person I had ever met. Just ask my old roommate Maggie. It was always 'Aaron this' or 'Aaron that'. And, I have to say that he was probably the best thing that ever happened in my life." Nathalie and George looked upon me with admiration, while Lara dabbed her eyes with a tissue. I continued. "Aaron always understood me, most days better than I even understood myself. He was the light of my life, and he always made me feel safe, at home in NYC, even though I sometimes felt like an outsider. I always loved him, and a part of me always will, I know that much." A few more members of the family wiped tears from their eyes. I was calmer, for some reason. I was at peace, and I didn't know why. It was a strange feeling, considering what had just happened. "Aaron will always be my first love, my first true friend, my first confidante, and one of my first losses."

I stared out one of the windows of the church for a moment, watching a bird fly by, singing a sweet melodic tune to the outside world. I smiled, despite the fact that I was wearing the black dress I vowed to never wear, and was standing in a place where I didn't want to be. The world moved on, and to me that was a hope, a promise, perhaps, from Aaron. _The world will move on, Anna, and you will see me through it all. I'm in nature, in the sky, in the ground you walk on. I'm always going to be here for you. Didn't I promise you that? And I never break my promises, do I?_

I smiled hopefully. "Aaron will always be with us. And you know why? Because he always keeps his promises."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I wish I could tell you that from there on out, it was easier to think of Aaron as gone. But, despite myself, I could not say the word 'dead'. Death seemed too final, too formal, too depressing. To me, that wasn't how Aaron would have wanted to be remembered. To him, it was always about life, about living life to the fullest and not having any regrets. It was about reaching for the stars and shooting for the moon. It wasn't about giving up or giving in – that's why we had an easy time after we parted ways: simply, Aaron and I were never finished with each other. We may have had other romantic interests, but we were always there for one another – that eternal foundation is what set him apart from everyone else that I met in life.

Yet, I still cried into my pillow night upon night in my apartment. Every time a song would play that would remind me of him, I would let a tear fall silently, my way of respecting his passing. I still could not bring myself to believe that he was gone. I kept hoping, foolish as it was, that he would come around the corner at any moment. Ah, do you see any parallelism here? Yes, I chased hope, yet again. Just as in the wake of my mother's death, in the wake of Aaron's, I blindly flailed my arms around, trying to reach onto the past, to cling to it and keep it safe, tucked away for just a moment. And that never happened. I ran the race, and grew exhausted. It was there that I found myself tucked in a corner in a deserted office in the lab. It had been my safe hiding spot for the weeks after I had returned from California. I heard footsteps in the hallway and scrambled to my feet, wiping tears from my eyes.

"Don't get up," he said soothingly, placing a warm cup of coffee into my hands. I sunk back down onto the floor, and Hawkes sat next to me, sipping his drink in silence. Finally, he spoke up.

"You know, when Aiden died, the entire lab was thrown onto an emotional rollercoaster."

I merely stared straight ahead, not answering for fear of another onslaught of tears. Hawkes took my silence as a reply and continued.

"I was the one who had to reconstruct a face that day. It was of a woman who had been burned to death in a car. I didn't know it then, but the face that I reconstructed was Aiden's."

I looked over at Hawkes with a sympathetic expression in my eyes. My companion noticed this and smiled sadly. "It was tough, I'll admit it," he said honestly. "And that's when I found this room. I sat in the same corner we sit in now, and cried over losing a friend and a colleague."

I stared at the drink in my hands.

"The point is, Anna," Hawkes said compassionately, "you have the right to be upset. You lost someone you loved. It's alright to cry. You don't have to put on a façade for any of us here. We all know what it's like. Mac's lost his wife, Danny's lost his brother, and we've all lost Aiden. You don't have to be afraid to show your emotions."

I looked up at Hawkes with tears in my eyes. "It hurts, Sheldon. Oh, God, it hurts so much."

Hawkes wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into his shoulder.

"I know sweetheart. I know."

**Alright, well, I am sorry to end on such a depressing note. (pulls out the Kleenex box). So, was that satisfying – well, minus the fact that I had to kill Aaron off. Believe me, no one will miss him as much as I do. But, he'll be back (in spirit/dream/voice form). Just wait and see. Until the next time (I have no idea when the next update will come) read & review & ENJOY!**


	13. Heart of Darkness

_snowbear96: Awh, yeah, I loved Aaron too. (sniffle) But, he's not gone forever. Anna will still bring him up quite a bit, and in this chapter especially, we really understand how Anna is going to deal with his death._

_lewiscentral: Thank you! Haha. I made you cry? Wow. I must be better at this writing thing than I thought. LOL. Thank you for the review!_

_summertales: Thanks. I'm glad that you liked the way I decided to kill him off (that sounds so mean. Haha) and it was sad indeed. But don't worry. Happy chapters will come sometime. (coughnotthischapersomuch) _

_meadow567: Indeed they will. They'll meet again someday. Thanks for the review!_

_chili-peppers: Thank you! I am glad you liked it, despite the fact that it was completely morbid._

_ladyerudite: I am glad that you enjoyed this chapter. I really liked Aaron as Anna's best guy-friend too, but I also liked writing him as her first "true love" sort-of thing. And that "first true love" concept will be very important in this chapter, so keep an eye out for it. Thank you so much for reviewing!_

_demolished-soul: Awh, I know it was sad for me to kill him off. I wrote it by putting myself in Anna's shoes, so it would be more poignant and realistic too. And a lot more angsty. LOL. Glad you enjoyed!_

_sparkyCSI: Yeah, the fact that Hawkes comforted her is going to be important during this chapter, and you'll see why. I really felt like Hawkes would be the type of guy to just sit and tell it like it is, without trying to hide behind a façade, type-of deal. You know what I mean? He just strikes me as that kind of character. Anyway, I am glad you enjoyed the chapter, and – as prompted by you! – here is the next chapter, which I hope you will equally enjoy!_

**I have to hand it to sparkyCSI for inspiring me to actually think about writing another chapter of this story. I have been insanely busy with schoolwork, but have managed to write some one-shots (check 'em out if you haven't already!) because they are quick and I had ideas in my head. However, I have gotten over my slight writer's block for this chapter and hopefully you will find it enjoyable. I am at last incorporating one more s3 speculation for DL, so I hope you all enjoy that. Also, this is the first time I am picking up a chapter directly where the other one left off. And you will soon see why I am choosing to do that for this chapter. The title is, once again, not a song, but rather a title of a book that I am reading for AP Lit, and the opener is a quote from it. Anyway, read and review please! (AN: It's going to switch POV's a little bit in this chapter just so that you all can get the full idea of what is going on. Mmkay? Alright, then. LOL) Thank you oodles! **_Disclaimer: I do not own the chapter title, for that belongs to Joseph Conrad. So, don't steal it or the opening quote. Thank you!_

Chapter 12: Heart of Darkness

_No one may know it, but you never forget the thump—eh? A blow on the very heart. You remember it, you dream it, you wake up at night and think of it—years after—and go hot and cold all over._

I continued to sob, body rattling with spurts of tears. And Hawkes didn't seem to mind that I was getting his shirt soaked, or that I couldn't stop crying. He merely stroked my hair and kept muttering: "Let it all out, Anna. Just cry it all out."

I had been bottling it up, that's why. My whole life, I had been bottling away my fears and my worries and my troubles and my heartaches, stacking them onto neat little shelves somewhere in a dusty corner of my heart. It was a locked room, with shelves reaching from wall to wall – bottles carefully lined each square inch of space. And one day, a bottle cracked, and I couldn't stop it from tumbling off the shelf, taking a few more precious bottles with it. I stood there, in terror, watching bottle after bottle fall to the ground and smash into a million little pieces – all of my life, smashed, ruined, emptied out onto the cold, stone floor of that dusty room.

That was the day that Aaron died. The day that his heart stopped beating was the day that everything came tumbling down. I had lost my fair share of people, and my loss of him was the final straw, the tiny gust of wind that send one bottle flying off a shelf, and colliding into a hundred more. He was the initiator of that domino effect – my Aaron, my rock, my stronghold, my love. He was really gone.

And there was _nothing _I could do about it.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sheldon Hawkes stroked his friend's hair, making comforting circular motions with his fingers on her back. He listened as she sobbed and cried, finally letting out everything that had plagued her since Aaron's death. _She's been through so much, poor girl_, he thought sadly. She clung to his shirt, like a child, terrified, vulnerable. And still, he let her cry on.

The medical examiner looked up at the doorway and saw Donald Flack standing there, conflicted emotions evident on his face. Sheldon looked at his friend with pitiful eyes and shook his head lightly. Anna was still suffering, mourning, and he could only console her. Hawkes moved an arm away from Anna's hair and used his index finger to motion Flack over. Hawkes knew that Flack had feelings for Anna, and that he wanted to be the one consoling her, holding her. So, he was willing to let his friend do just that.

Flack, however, shook his head and left the room. Once out in the hallway, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, thoughts racing.

Since Aaron's death, Anna had gone to everyone in the lab that she was close to for comfort, for assurance, for a shoulder – Lindsay talked to her about her sister's death, Danny talked about his brother's, Mac talked about his wife's, Stella talked about Frankie's, and there, Hawkes was talking about Aiden's death. Flack shook his head and walked distractedly down the hallway.

Why hadn't she come to _him_? That was the one thing that would not leave his mind. Out of all of the people in the lab, he was the only one whom she was close to but had not yet came to for comfort. And Flack couldn't understand why. He thought that she cared about him, that possibly there was something more there than just friendship between the two of them. A voice inside Flack's head reprimanded him. _You just want to be her knight in shining armor. Flack, man, pull yourself together. The woman just lost someone she cared about for God's sakes, and you're ready to make a move on her! _Flack shook his head, clearing that voice away. He would never take advantage of Anna, or any other woman for that matter, who had just been hurt. That would be low, pond-scum low. And Donald Flack was better than that.

Unfortunately, if Donald Flack had been paying attention, he would have realized that he had walked in a trance down the hallway – and right into Mac's office, nonetheless.

"Flack? Can I help you with something?" Stella asked, tidying papers that lay scattered around on Mac's desk. Flack ran a hand through his hair again and stammered.

"Uh – I really didn't mean to walk – I was just – wait a second." Flack peered around the room. "Where's Mac?"

Stella waved a hand in the air impatiently, not even looking up at her friend. "He's out on assignment, and he called me to try and find something. But it's damn near impossible to find anything on this desk of his…aha!" Stella held a folder up in the air, triumphant grin plastered on her face and she flipped open her cell phone, sending Mac a text message. For the first time, Stella seemed to notice the other presence in the room.

"Flack, what's up?" she asked, motioning towards two chairs. Flack sat down, as did Stella and the former let out a defeated sigh.

"It's Anna…"

Stella shook her head, stopping him mid-sentence. "If this is about why she hasn't talked to you about her situation, you need to remember where she's coming from, Flack. She's been through one hell of an ordeal these past few days, and maybe right now she just can't bring herself to talk to you about it."

"It's just so frustrating," Flack admitted with yet another sigh. Stella patted his shoulder.

"It's gonna be tough, not really being able to talk to her about this. But you need to realize that she'll come around, when the time is right. And when she's ready, you'll be there waiting for her. Am I right, or am I right?" Stella asked with a little grin. Flack smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. Thanks Stel," he said appreciatively. Stella beamed.

"Anytime, Flack, anytime."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Lindsay Monroe sat, cross-legged on the floor, trying to piece together a puzzle at a crime scene.

Literally.

"Hi, I'm Lindsay. What's your name?" the Montana native asked a perceptive little four-year old boy. The latter looked up at his playmate and placed another piece of his jigsaw puzzle into alignment.

"Drew," the little boy stated with clarity. "I'm four years old, and I had Thomas the Tank come to my birthday party this year. Did you know that Thomas the Tank is blue? He makes this sound when he blows the whistle. He goes 'toooot tooooot'. I like Thomas the Tank, but Mommy always says 'Put that toy away at the dinner table.' Where's Mommy?"

Lindsay looked up at Danny, and he put a comforting hand on Lindsay's shoulder, giving it an assuring squeeze. She looked up into Danny's blue eyes, and watched them cloud with emotion as he knelt down beside Lindsay, eye-level with Drew.

"Well, Drew, your mommy went away for a little bit, but how would you like to ride in a real live police car?" Danny looked over at the officers standing near the 'Do Not Cross' police tape, as well as the woman from child services, and nodded. Drew was enthusiastically clapping his hands.

"Do I even get to use the siren?" he asked curiously, bright blue eyes twinkling with glee. Danny forced a broad smile at the little boy and nodded his head.

"Yep. But you have to promise to be good. Do you promise?"

The little boy held out his tiny pinky finger and Danny wrapped his around the Drew's, signaling a promise. "Danny," Drew said, as the child services woman took his hand. Danny looked over at the little boy. "Tell my mommy where I went. She gets worried when she doesn't know where I am. She'll be soooooo jealous when she finds out I got to ride in a real live police car! With a siren and everything!" The child services woman looked sadly over at Danny before she took Drew out of the home and into the police car.

Lindsay kept her eyes fixed on the door, blinking tears back. Danny's hand returned to Lindsay's shoulder and he rubbed soothing circles on her shoulder blades. Lindsay didn't react and merely stared for a moment longer, before abruptly rising, causing Danny to frown, confused.

"What do we have, Danny?" Lindsay asked, still not looking her partner directly in the eye, but rather staring at the bedroom where a woman was laying face-down on the carpet. She would remain cool and calm, and professional, addressing the incident as nothing other than another case, and consequently shutting Danny out.

And Danny could only stand by and give her the gruesome details of the mother's death.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Is Danny her boyfriend?"

Flack's mouth twitched slightly as he and Anna watched the young boy pick up a blue crayon to decorate the pages of his coloring book. Anna sniffed, trying to contain her laughter.

"No, sweetie, they're not dating…"

"…_yet_," Flack whispered under his breath. Anna smacked his arm and rolled her eyes at the detective. Flack could still tell that she was upset and in the process of healing her wounds, but she seemed to have been in brighter spirits. Drew tilted his head to the side, and looked at Flack.

"Is she _your_ girlfriend?" he asked, pointing a tiny finger at Anna. The woman locked eyes with Flack for a moment, before the former mumbled something about going to see if Adam had any results for her. Flack caught the distinct shimmer of tears in her eyes before she left, however. Drew seemed unfazed by Anna's absence and continued his talk with Flack.

"My mommy has a boyfriend. She always tells me 'Go and wash your hands for dinner because Brian is coming over.' Mommy and Brian yelled at each other sometimes, but he was always nice to me. You know what? He bought me a toy train when he went to Nevada and he said that if I was real good and listened to Mommy that someday he would take me to see a real train, and maybe I would even get to ride on the train!"

Flack studied the child, and wrote the information down on his spiral notepad before rising from his chair and allowing Stella to sit with Drew. It was sad, he thought, how innocence dies too young sometimes.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I couldn't bring myself to turn around and walk back to where I knew Flack was sitting. I just couldn't do it. And I paused, leaning against the doorframe of the AV lab, and wondered exactly _why _I couldn't face a simple childish remark from Drew. Rubbing my temples, I sighed. The answer was simple.

I still missed Aaron. And I still loved Aaron. And I couldn't bring myself to ever give him up. And it hurt like hell to admit that he was gone, and it was like a knife wound to my heart every time I realized he wasn't in California, and that he would never call me or e-mail me or send me goofy postcards again. And knowing that Flack cared about me only made my heart ache ten times worse, because he reminded me of Aaron's talks with me. Flack was the constant reminder in my life of my best friend – Aaron would have wanted me to take a chance with the detective. And just thinking about Aaron lately made my eyes water with tears.

I hastily wiped a single tear off of my cheek and was about to enter the AV lab when two familiar voices stopped me. I peered into the room and listened.

"Montana, what's gotten into ya lately?"

Lindsay shifted some papers in her hands and shrugged Danny's hand off of her shoulder without so much as looking him in the eye and proceeded to head out of the room.

"Hey! Wait a second Lindsay. Look at me."

Lindsay looked up at the mention of her real name. Danny's hands were on her shoulders now, and she stiffened noticeably at his touch. "Why is it that anytime we come close to acknowledging the chemistry between us, you pull away?"

Lindsay blinked up at Danny's serious blue eyes and pushed his hands off of her. "I can't do this…us…I just can't."

And with that, Lindsay walked out of the AV lab and down the hallway, leaving Danny raking a hand through his hair. I shook my head sadly and walked the path that Lindsay took down the hallway and stopped abruptly, and realization dawned on me.

Lindsay was pushing Danny away.

And I was pushing Flack away.

And all because we were scared.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"I cared about him and he died, that's why," I explained to Flack on the corner of my apartment building. The detective stood, arms folded across his chest, blue eyes fixed on me, and me alone.

"Anna…" he began. I stopped him.

"I lost someone I loved, Flack, and I can't bear to do that again. It hurt too much."

Flack took a step towards me. "You can't lose me…"

I stepped backwards, away from him. "Yes, I can."

Flack stood still, eyeing me, waiting for my next move. When I didn't say anything for a moment, he took another hesitant step towards me. I let him. He tried to begin again. "Anna, I care about you. And I know that you're still in the process of healing, but…"

"Flack, I can't do this…us…I just can't."

My eyes widened in realization of what I had just said. Flack's eyes grew cool. "Anna, I do care about you. But Aaron would have wanted you to move on sometime…"

"Flack, for God's sakes, stop telling me what Aaron would have wanted! Alright? He was _my _best friend, _my _first true love. God, he was the _one _person in this whole world that knew me better than I knew myself. So, don't pretend like you knew him at all!"

I was yelling, and I didn't care. The pent up anger and frustration had finally caught up with me and was being directed at Flack – someone whom I knew, deep down inside, only wanted to help me.

"Maybe you should decide where you stand, then."

His eyes were icy now, and his tone was serious – cold, even. I stared at him with flashing eyes.

"Maybe I should decide where _we _stand."

Flack nodded and stared at me for a moment. "Well, there's nothing else to say then, is there?"

"No," I answered coldly. "No, there isn't. Goodnight."

He stared at me for a moment longer before shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. "Goodnight."

I walked upstairs and slammed the door shut to my apartment before sinking onto the floor and sobbing.

_Oh God_, I thought. _What have I done?_

**Yes, a wee bit of angst for you all. Leave comments and let me know what you think! **


	14. Cry

_Axellia: Sad, and beautiful is what I was going for, so I guess I am accomplishing my goal! Haha. Anna will eventually feel better, but right now, she's just sorting through all of the stuff that is going on in her life. It's going to be a long, bumpy road for her, but she'll get through it, I promise. Thank you for reviewing! _

_Snowbear96: Oh, indeed. (hugs Anna too) _

_Meadow567: Thank you. I'm glad that you liked it!_

_Ladyerudite: Ah, it was a surprising little plot twist, wasn't it? Flack and Anna pretty much acted on impulse, and since they are both extremely stubborn and headstrong, this chapter is going to be different than you probably would expect. Awh, Aaron. Even though he's dead, he's gonna be coming back every now and again, just to shed some light on situations. Thank you for the review!_

_Chili-peppers: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!_

_Demolished-soul: Ah, well…just read this chapter. LOL. Trust me, they are both going to have some issues to work out about their stubbornness. They will both get a grip (and a little push in the right direction) in this chapter and those to come, don't worry. They DO end up dating, so everything will be fine…eventually. Haha._

_sparkyCSI: Yes you did! Thank you for the inspiration! I thought the chapter flowed a bit better, and I am going to use the same structure here, because it is pivotal that this chapter flows as well. We'll find out all the good Lindsay/Anna dynamics in this chapter because they're going to have a heart-to-heart conversation. Thank you so much for the reviews!_

**Again, I apologize for the delay in updating. School is a lot of work these days, and I just don't have all that much time to write. But never fear, for I am back with another chapter. Although, I must warn you: this chapter is not what you all are expecting. It will have its purpose, believe me, and please do not attack me with any flying objects. LOL. I hope that I do not disappoint you guys, but this idea was in my head and I decided to go with it. It probably is a bit cliché, but I am a cliché kind of girl, so deal with it. Haha. I found this song to be essentially perfect to start up the chapter with, so I hope you all enjoy it too. This chapter will – once again – pick up where we left off last, and will include some good Anna/Lindsay conversation. I figured that they needed a good conversation, since they really haven't had any in my story yet. Alright, well, without further ado – here is the next chapter! **_Disclaimer: I do not own the title of this chapter, or the lyrics. They belong to James Blunt, and I do not own him…darn._

Chapter 13: Cry

_I have seen birth. I have seen death._

_Lived to see a lover's final breath._

_Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright?_

_Is this fire of hesitation burning bright?_

_And if you want to talk about it once again,_

_On you I depend. I'll cry on your shoulder._

_You're a friend._

I sat, knees drawn up to my chest and stared up at the ceiling. I was sick of crying, sick of being emotional. I was sick of mourning, sick of sadness. I wanted to be finished with the sorrow, to cast it off of my shoulders like some cumbersome weight. But no; it was still there. And the sadness turned to guilt, as I realized what I had done.

I had pushed him over the edge of the cliff. I had pushed Flack away for days, for weeks, wanting to distance myself from any potential heartache. And in doing so, I had inflicted even _more _pain on myself. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair.

I stood up slowly, rubbing my tear-stained eyes and glanced around my apartment. Silence was my company, and it was quite terrible company at that. I could only talk to the air for so long, with hearing no reply, before I grew tired of talking. And so, I would submerge myself in some form of distraction, whether it be music or novels or movies – I was a creature of habit. _Retreat, retreat! _And so, that is what I did. I retreated back into my comfort, my solitude, my loneliness. Walking towards the bathroom, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My brunette hair was pulled up in a high ponytail, with wisps of it sticking out. I tucked a strand behind my ear and looked at the solemn green orbs that stared at me from the glassy wall. There was no sparkle, no glint, no trace of light – and the lack of hope from my eyes scared me. I bent down and turned on the faucets to my sink, splashing cold water onto my face, and pulled a towel from the rack to pat my skin dry. I stared at the shadow in the mirror before flicking off the bathroom light and returning to my living room area.

It was no longer night, but morning. The sun still had a few hours before it would rise, and I stared out my window into the blackened sky, watching a star. It was a bright star, the kind that you picked out when you were a child and named, just for the heck of it. I stared at it for the longest time, and silently wished. _Please let me have not messed up this chance for good. _My eyes lingered for a moment longer before I broke my gaze and watched a car pass by my street. I wasn't tired, so I decided to make myself a cup of tea. As the water began to boil, I heard a soft tap. I frowned, and the tapping noise was heard again and walked in the direction of the noise.

"Lindsay?" I asked slowly, barely believing the fact that my friend was standing at my apartment door in the very early hours of the morning. The woman smiled weakly and I ushered her into my apartment. Her eyes were downcast, with emotion pent up behind their chocolate surface. She tugged on a strand of her hair before exhaling lightly.

"I just felt like I should come…here. I don't even know why. I just got in a cab and told them your address…"

My water for tea was hissing and I turned the stove off, pouring the boiling liquid into a coffee mug. I motioned towards the box of tea bags. "Tea?" I offered. Lindsay nodded, and I poured her a mug, setting a tea bag into the hot water. I stared at the woman as we sat down on my couch.

"I couldn't sleep," I offered, breaking the silence. She looked up at me from where she was staring intently at her tea. Her brown eyes meeting mine, I knew it right then and there. We were both struggling, both pushing away people whom we needed most.

"Neither could I," she finished after taking a sip of her tea. I placed my mug on the coffee table in front of me and leaned back into my couch, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Why do we do it, Lindsay?"

The other woman set her mug down next to mine and cocked her head to the side. "Why do we do _what_?"

I sighed and bit my lip. "Why do we push away the people that we need the most?" Lindsay stared at my blank television screen for a moment before replying, in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Because we're scared."

She looked at me directly, and I looked at her. So that was it. We were scared.

"Scared of what, though?" I asked the air. "Am I just scared to be close to someone again for fear of losing them? Am I truly fearful of a relationship with someone who cares about me as much as I do about them?"

"Yes," she replied, exhaling a tentative breath, and then added softly, "we both are."

I turned to face the simplistically beautiful woman seated next to me and studied her face, her solemn and tired eyes, and her pursed lips. Tears glistened from behind dark eyes, and she continued in the same hesitant whisper.

"I'm afraid to fall in love. I'm afraid of being cheated on again, of being abandoned again. All of my life, men have hurt me. They've promised their love, their devotion, their hearts – and it all ends up the same. They always leave. They always leave me. I've always thought that it was because I wasn't good enough. I just can't deal with losing someone else that I love…it hurts too much, Anna."

"I know," I whispered, quietly assuring her. I felt the same. I felt as lonely and as isolated from the world at times as Lindsay did.

"And," Lindsay continued, drawing a shaky breath, "it kills me to know that he feels the same way that I do. It kills me to feel like he's slipping out of my grasp. And it's all because I am letting him slip away…I feel like he can never understand what I am going through…"

"…if you give him a chance, maybe…" I began.

"…maybe," she said distractedly, but then directed her gaze at my face. "But what if that doesn't happen? Where will I be then, Anna?"

"Maybe you should tell him all of this…" I suggested.

"Maybe he won't listen…"

"...maybe he will."

"What I need is time, Anna. I need to just…I don't know. All I know is that I need time to adjust myself to this possibility…this relationship with him. I don't know if I can handle it right now…"

"…maybe you should tell him that too," I add with a little smile. The corners of Lindsay's mouth twitched and she smiled a bit, before sighing again. I stared at her with sympathetic eyes.

"…but maybe he…"

"…maybe you think too much," I said with a little laugh. Lindsay's face broke into a smile and she laughed lightly.

"Yeah, maybe I do."

The woman studied my face for a moment before speaking again. "What about _you_?" she probed.

I broke her gaze and stared down at my hands. What about me? Where was I, exactly? I knew that I could only give her an honest answer, since she had been so open to me.

"I'm at the edge, Lindsay, and I just pushed someone away again."

"Flack?" she asked, prying gently. I looked up from my hands and into her eyes. She knew my pain. I nodded and returned to staring at my hands. I took a deep breath in order to try and stop the tears from falling.

"Before Aaron died, he and I had a conversation – many conversations, actually – about Flack. He really encouraged me to give him a shot, maybe go on a few dates or something."

"But…" Lindsay added, knowing that there was much more to my story than that simple fact. I sighed loudly and selected a strand of loose hair to twirl around my finger.

"…but, I don't think I'm ready to do that quite yet, Lindsay," I admitted. My feelings were torn, conflicted, divided – on the one hand, I knew that Flack cared about me. But on the other hand… "and every time I think of Flack, I think of Aaron. I can't…I can't stop thinking about him, Lindsay. I can go through work and not cry, because I am afraid to cry in front of him, Lindsay. I don't want him to see that weak, vulnerable side of me…"

"Amen," Lindsay whispered.

"…and it kills me to know that he's there, he's waiting, and I think that maybe he won't wait for much longer for me. We had a fight, Lindsay. He wanted to know where I stood…and I couldn't tell him. I don't _know _where I stand, Lindsay. I just don't."

"It's a wonder we haven't talked before," Lindsay said with a little sigh. "We have so much in common."

"I bet guys don't talk like this, though," I said with a slight smile.

"No, I bet they don't," she replied, yawning. She checked her watch. "It's really late…"

"…technically, it's really early…"

"…but I should get going," she said, pulling herself up from off of the couch. I stood up as well and walked towards my door. She paused and turned around to look at me.

"So what are we going to do, Anna?" she asked in a rather challenging voice. _Well, this was it, mother – I bid you goodbye as I look ahead of me at the fork in the road. I decide which path to take, and glance behind to see your smiling face, always waving me onward, into the light. _It seemed so long ago that my mother had passed away, and here I was again, at a fork. What would I do?

"We're going to take it one day at a time. We're not going to rush anything, and we're not going to be afraid. What was done in the past is in the past. We're going to move ahead…wait a second." I paused and turned towards my bookshelf and leafed through the novels on the shelves before pulling a smaller book out and turning to the last page. "_So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past._"

Lindsay furrowed her eyebrows and then smiled. "_The Great Gatsby_," she said simply. I nodded.

"We're going to live each day to its fullest and never look back. Forget regret."

"…and about these men in our lives? What about them?" Lindsay asked, eyebrows raised slightly. I pondered for a moment, before finishing.

"We're going to follow our hearts, and not our pasts."

"As simple as that?" Lindsay asked rather skeptically. I nodded at her solemnly.

"As simple as that."

Lindsay stared over my shoulder out of the still darkened window, where dawn was not yet creeping over the skyline. "I need time, that's all. Nothing but time," she assured me, or the skyline. I could not tell which she was talking to, but I presumed that it was the skyline, more than it was me. Or perhaps, she was talking to _him_, explaining herself to him from across the cityscape.

"Nothing but time," I said wearily, as she descended the stairwell. "Nothing but time," I assured myself, emptying two mugs of cold tea into the sink. "Nothing but time," I whispered to the ceiling as I drifted into a dreamless sleep.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I rubbed my eyes, which were heavy with sleep-deprivation and yawned tiredly. Blinking, I stared out of my bedroom window and made the mistake of looking directly into the sun. Cursing my error in judgment, I exhaled a long, steady stream of air and silently wished that I had gotten more sleep. Yet, I somehow managed to pry myself from the comfort of my bed and take a shower before work. I stared at the reflection in the mirror and studied it for a moment. My eyes were different. Granted, they were a bit baggy because of my lack of sleep, but they had a sort of glint in them. I smiled a bit and smoothed out my black pants and my cute sweater-vest ensemble. I stared at my reflection and abandoned my contacts in order to wear my glasses – I had to laugh. They were the kind that made me look studious, like a college prep – the kind that resembled Velma's, from _Scooby-Doo_. Smiling, I picked up a bagel on my way out of the door and headed out into the early New York sunshine, and towards the New York Crime Lab.

There was someone who I needed to talk to.

I smiled at the receptionist at the desk, and ascended in the elevator, ready to face the new day, the new start, the fresh start.

And then, I saw him.

And I saw _her_.

And that new beginning came crashing down all around me, broken rays of sunlight shattering into millions of little pieces on the ground, and collecting at my feet, forming nothing but shadows.

Her name was Danielle. I didn't know her well, but what I did know was straight from the mouths of the lab tech gossipers – and that was subject to questionability. Nonetheless, she was beautiful, with sleek red hair down to her shoulder blades. She had freckles sprinkled across her cheekbones and the bridge of her nose. And she had deep blue eyes that laughed right along with her mouth. She was laughing at some joke that he must have told, and her body was angled towards him. She was flirting. That much was evident. And he was encouraging her. And I – I was about to talk to him, to open up to him, to finally let him know all of the secrets of my past – and no; he shut me out. For Danielle, the lab's go-to-girl if you ever wanted a one-night stand.

I fixed my cold green eyes on the path before me, and kept moving swiftly past him. He looked up, just as I met his eyes. Only for a second, and yet the world stopped. We both held the hurt and pain in our eyes, and I could not stop for him. I would _not _stop for him, for someone who allegedly wanted to be with me, and then, at the first sign of turbulence, ran off to be with someone else. By God, I would not stop for the likes of him.

I walked through the day, as if it were any other day. I vowed not to shed a tear for him, and I kept my promise. Instead, the bitterness inside of me remained my only company. My newfound friend – not sorrow, but solitude. I kept my eyes fixed on my coffee and added more sugar to it.

"Bad day?"

I looked up to see a friendly and concerned expression on Marty's face. I shrugged my shoulders in reply and he sat down beside me.

"Anything I can do to help?" he asked, eyes searching mine. I looked at him and merely shook my head.

"Nothing," I answered softly. Marty looked at me sadly.

"Is this about…"

"I don't want to talk about it," I answered shortly. Marty was taken aback. I sighed and apologized to him. "It's not you…it's…"

"Anna, it's probably not what it looked…"

"…I don't care. He didn't have the decency to correct me when I asked him about it. He obviously just couldn't wait for me."

Marty studied my face and tilted his head towards the side, before pulling something out of his pocket. I looked curiously over at what he had retrieved, and saw that he held two tickets in his hand.

"Look, I don't want you to think that I am trying to get a date out of this, but maybe you could join me tomorrow night…it might cheer you up a bit."

I took the ticket from his hand and gasped, my sorrow evaporating quickly. "Marty! These are _Broadway musical _tickets!"

Marty leaned forward and peered around the break room cautiously. "Shh. If word gets out that I have tickets for a Broadway musical, you know that the name callin' will never stop."

I laughed.

"Ever," he added. I read the ticket and smiled.

"Marty…you have tickets to _Spamalot_. How in the world did you ever get these?" I asked incredulously. Marty shrugged.

"A friend of mine hooked me up with some…"

I grinned. "You like Broadway musicals."

Marty rolled his eyes at me. "But _Spamalot _sounds much more…"

"…your style?" I asked with a little giggle. He snatched the ticket out of my hand with determination.

"Fine, if you want to make fun of me…"

"…I _want _to see _Spamalot_…"

"…then go with me."

I looked at Marty's face, which had grown serious, and I stopped whining. He studied me for a moment. "Well?"

I smiled and took the ticket from his hands. "I'm going."

_So, long Flack. Two can play at this game._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"That had to be one of the funniest musicals I have ever had the pleasure of listening to," I said, clutching my side (which hurt from laughing so much) and walking with Marty.

"Oh God, it was hilarious," Marty replied nodding in agreement. We hailed a cab and rode back to my apartment in silence, for the most part. I still didn't know exactly where I stood. Funny, wasn't it? I thought I had my life all figured out, and I thought that by talking with Flack it would have made it alright again. But knowing that he had taken my uncertainty of a relationship for 'so-long-Flack-I-don't-have-feelings-for-you', everything…shifted. And there, I sat in a cab with Marty, after a good two and a half hours of having fun with him. And I couldn't help but wonder exactly _why _I could not stop thinking of Flack's blue eyes…

We exited the cab and Marty escorted me up to my apartment. We stood there for a moment in awkward silence, before Marty spoke.

"Well, I guess I should let you get some rest…"

"…that would be nice," I said with a little playful smirk on my lips. The smirk was removed a moment later as Marty gently brushed his lips over mine. He pulled back and I blinked. "That was nice too," I said slowly, finding it hard to form my words properly. Marty smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek before bidding me a good night. I stared at the spot where he had been moments earlier and frowned in concentration.

_Who did I like? Marty or Flack? Or did I just let Marty kiss me because I want to make Flack jealous? And if so, then why did I have such a good time with Marty? _

As I turned around to unlock my apartment door, a voice stopped me.

"What the hell was that?"

I turned around to see Elsie standing in front of her apartment door with a look of wild disbelief on her face. I ran a hand through my hair and managed a weak smile, which Elsie met with a stern gaze.

_Aw, crap._

**And, I think that is a nice place to stop for today. Don't worry, next chapter, Elsie is going to chastise Anna…and Danny shall do the same to Flack. I know that it seems highly dramatic, and you probably hate me for making Flack dumb enough to give up on Anna so quickly, but happily ever afters don't happen in real life, and Anna is finding that out (obviously). So, let me know what you thought of it. The sooner you reply, the more likely I am to update quicker!**


	15. Total Eclipse of the Heart

**Hey everyone! Sorry I have been on such a LONG hiatus, but school has nearly consumed my life, and senior year is full of hectic schedules. I pretty much don't even have a free weekend until after Christmas, which is…fun. Haha. Anyway, I appreciate all of you who still are interested in this story (even though you may have thought that I dropped off the face of the earth!). I apologize if this chapter isn't as well-written as some of the others – writing is something I have to get back into. LOL. But, kick back, relax, and listen to Elsie and Danny tear Flack and Anna to shreds! Haha. **_Disclaimer: I own none of what you recognize, and everything that you don't! The lyrics and song belong to Bonnie Tyler. _

Chapter 14: Total Eclipse of the Heart

_Once upon a time I was falling in love,_

_But now I'm only falling apart._

_There's nothing I can do,_

_A total eclipse of the heart._

My first rational thought was "OHMYGODELSIEISGOINGTOKILLME."

Which, when you think about it, really isn't a rational thought at all.

But, nevertheless, it was the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the puzzled and slightly angered look on her face. I sighed, pulled out my key, and made my way into my apartment with Elsie on my heels, being the lovable bloodhound that she was. I placed my purse down on the counter and sighed. It was going to be a long night.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Danny Messer scrutinized his best friend under the dim lights of the bar. It had been a long shift, and was about to become an equally long night. Flack exhaled deeply and sat in silence, staring absentmindedly into the distance, lost in thought.

Danny rolled his eyes, and put his glass down on the table before speaking.

"So, Flack…man, you gonna talk tonight, or what? 'Cause I got about a billion other things I should be doin' right now, and talking to the walls all night ain't one of them."

Flack rubbed his temple and took another sip of his beer before exhaling deeply again. Danny looked hopelessly at his best friend and shook his head, pulling his jacket off the back of the chair.

"Fine, Don, you don't wanna talk, that's okay. I gotta get home though…"

Danny was half-way to the door before Flack's exasperated voice stopped him.

"It's about Anna."

Danny froze and tilted his head back, looked at the ceiling, and gave an equally exasperated sigh. "Why me God? Why me?" Danny wondered aloud as he returned to his chair. _It's going to be a long night_.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elsie sat cross-legged on Anna's floor, watching her best friend pace around the apartment in contemplation. I watched Elsie smile to herself. It hadn't exactly been difficult to get me to open up.

"…so now I am so confused as to who I like!" I finished, green eyes flashing with frustration. I flung myself onto the couch and placed a pillow over my mouth.

"Anna…"

I screamed into the pillow.

"…it's not that bad…"

Scream.

"…we can work through this…"

Scream.

"…but for the love of God, _stop screaming into that stupid pillow_!"

I pouted as Elsie removed the pillow from my face. She met my gaze with warm and compassionate eyes. Or, at least I _thought _that they were warm and compassionate…

Elsie promptly hit me on the back of the head with the pillow. I rubbed the back of my head and frowned. "What the hell was that for?"

Elsie placed the pillow back on my couch and looked at me sternly. "For being an idiot."

"What did I do?" I asked indignantly. "It was _Flack _if you recall, who decided to give up so soon on me."

"Well, that was for being an idiot and repressing your feelings for him for so long _and _for pushing him out of your life…_and _for being an idiot for kissing Marty when you clearly still have feelings for Flack."

I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest.

I had a feeling that Elsie was going to give me a good shove in the right direction.

Literally _and _metaphorically.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Danny and Flack had moved out of the bar and were now sitting at a coffee shop somewhere downtown. Danny looked around curiously, and couldn't help but feel a bit awkward in a place that was so…so…_not _him.

Flack had told Danny everything. He explained how the fight between him and Anna had caused him to seek female companionship elsewhere…

"But you didn't sleep with that girl Danielle, right?"

Flack shook his head. "No, but she spent the night. She fell asleep on my couch and so I just crashed on my bed. But of course…"

"The lab techs," both Danny and Flack replied in unison. Danny shook his head sadly. _Those damn lab techs have to run their mouths all the time, don't they?_

Flack continued gloomily. "And I _know _what she thought must have happened, because I could tell by the way that she looked at me…"

"You can tell what Anna is thinking by just her face?" Danny asked, impressed. _Maybe Flack's got it bad after all._

"Yeah," Flack replied. He perked up as if something had suddenly dawned on him. "Like with you and Lindsay."

Danny nearly spit out his coffee. "Like me and Montana?" He gave a forced laugh. "I mean, you and Anna, and me and Montana, we're not….it's not…"

"It even rhymes," Flack remarked with a cheeky grin. "Oh, how cute."

Danny mumbled something under his breath, which consisted of a few choice four-letter words before Flack began to focus back on his own problems again.

"It's just that…I don't know man. I really haven't felt this way in a long time about someone, you know? And suddenly, here she is…and I have this perfect opportunity to be with her, and what do I do? I screw it up. I am the stereotypical male jackass right now."

"No…" Danny began.

Flack waved his hand and took a sip of his coffee. "No, I am."

Danny tilted his head to the side for a moment thoughtfully. "Yeah, yeah you are."

Flack glared at his companion, before sighing. He had a feeling that Danny was going to be honest.

And it was probably going to be brutal honesty.

Flack took another sip of his coffee.

It was going to be a _long _night.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A bag of white cheddar popcorn and two beers later, Elsie and I were still conversing, this time over the decision between two people.

"I can tell that you like Marty…"

I nodded at Elsie's comment. It was true. Marty was sweet, and he was caring, and he was hilarious, and fun, but…

"…but he's not Flack. That's what you're thinking, aren't you?"

_Damn, she's good_, I silently thought. Sighing, I played with a strand of my hair.

"It's just that…okay, say that, hypothetically, Flack and my fight had never happened. Then, right now, I would probably be dating Flack, and wouldn't have gone to see _Spamalot _with Marty. Granted, I would be happy to be with Flack, but I would never have laughed so hard like I did tonight at the show. So, doesn't that mean that everything happens for a reason?" I asked. Elsie bit her lip in concentration.

"It all boils down to a few key concepts here," she began seriously. I leaned forward and listened intently. "One: Do you like Flack more than Marty, or do you like Marty more than Flack?"

I exhaled. "I don't like that question."

"Two: Are you just using Marty because you had a fight with Flack, or would you have considered dating Marty before your fight with Flack?"

I grimaced. "I don't like that question either."

"Thirdly: Are you planning on dating Marty again?"

I nodded. "He's taking me swing-dancing next weekend."

Elsie raised her eyebrows curiously. I had to laugh. The look on her face was priceless. "Yes, I had the exact same reaction. But apparently, there is this really nice place somewhere downtown to swing dance at."

"And you're still planning on going…even with this whole thing with Flack?" Elsie asked, confused. I sighed, trying my best to explain the situation to her.

"It's like this, Elsie: I know that Flack and I are not meant to be together right now. Fate just has it in for both of us, I guess. But Fate also brought Marty…and I feel like I can't sit around, wasting my life away for one guy when there is another perfectly good one out there for me. Do you understand?"

Elsie looked at me, and nodded slowly, before embracing me. "I understand sweetie. And, I apologize for getting upset with this whole Flack/Anna/Marty triangle thing going on right now. It's not your fault at all, remember that, okay? If you like Marty, then who am I to tell you to not date him?"

I smiled genuinely at my best friend. "Thank you for being there for me. I honestly mean it Elsie. You are the best friend I could ask for."

The woman winked and smirked. "You know it babe."

I laughed and tossed a pillow at her, before we proceeded to act like little girls, giggling and yelling.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"So, what am I gonna do, Danny?" Flack asked as the two walked down the deserted street. Danny jammed his hands into his pocket and shook his head.

"I don't know man. I guess you just have to talk to her. Just let her know how you feel. That's all you can do. Admit you were wrong, and hope that she'll forgive ya."

Flack looked over at his friend. "And what are you going to do about Lindsay?"

Danny let out a sad laugh. "What can I do, Flack? She's pushing me away. I can't do _anything_ right now."

Flack looked up at the sky and couldn't believe how many stars there really were in the velvety backdrop of the night. One particular star stood out to him and his eyes lingered on it for a second before returning to meet Danny's blue eyes.

"All you can do is be there for her Danny. Just make sure that she knows that you're willing to wait around for her…however long it takes. You _are _willing to do that, right?"

Danny stopped walking abruptly and faced Flack's gaze. "Flack, I have never felt this way before about anyone. And I'm not going to let her get away."

Flack grinned and clapped a hand on Danny's shoulder before continuing walking. "That's what I wanted to hear."

……………………………………………………………………………………………………...

I smiled at the reflection in the mirror and gave a twirl, watching the flowing skirt of my flirty red halter dress fan out to the sides. I had bought the cutest red heels to go along with the dress, and Elsie had convinced me to wear my hair down in curls. A spray of perfume and some red lipstick later, and I was ready for swing-dancing with Marty. I checked my reflection once more before hearing a swift knock on the door. Smiling, I reached for my purse. Unfortunately, I couldn't _find _my purse. There was another knock and I opened the door to greet a smiling Marty.

He leaned over and kissed my cheek and I beamed.

"You look stunning," he said, watching amusedly as I twirled in the dress.

"You like?" I asked playfully, placing my hands on my hips. He drew one arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. With his lips mere inches away from mine, he replied: "Oh, I _do _like."

I smiled angelically and batted my eyelashes at him, and whispered in his ear: "Good," before bouncing pulling away from him with a bounce. Marty glared.

"You are _such _a tease, Anna."

I flashed him my brightest smile. "Oh, you know it." I frowned, looking around the kitchen for my purse. "I could have sworn that I brought my purse out here…let me go check in my bedroom, and then we can get going."

"Sure thing," Marty called from the kitchen. I bounced into my room, humming a jazzy tune as I went, searching for a purse that should have been easy to spot – it _was _bright red, after all. I heard a knock at the front door and groaned.

"Hey, Marty, can you get that please?" I yelled from my bedroom. A muffled reply, which I assume meant 'yes' was heard.

"Aha!" I exclaimed triumphantly, pulling the purse out from under a pile of clothes resting atop my bed. I walked out into the kitchen smiling.

"Hey Mary, I found my purse, so we can go now. Who was at the…"

He stood there, blue eyes fixed on me, with the same pained expression that he had worn the night of our fight. His eyes revealed everything – sorrow, hurt, anguish, betrayal.

I froze and Marty seemed to be at a loss for words.

"Flack…" I began with voice barely above a whisper. "…what are you doing here?"

The detective opened his mouth to speak, but instead looked between myself and Marty with his eyes icy.

And my heart broke in that very instant, shattering into a million pieces on my kitchen floor.

**It's just like me to leave you with a cliff-hanger, right? Right! So, I think that you all should comment and let me know what you think about this chapter. Right? Right! **


	16. Call Me When You're Sober

_sparkyCSI: Yeah, I love cliffhangers, what can I say? Haha. Glad you enjoyed the chapter!_

_demolished-soul: Sorry about the cliffhanger, and about Anna and Marty. I think that Anna is just really confused with her life right now, and so she needs to resolve some things before she is ready to face Flack again…like we shall see in this chapter!_

_meadow567: Thank you!_

_chili-peppers: Thank you so much for the review!_

_snowbear96: White cheddar popcorn is AMAZING. Haha. It's actually pretty much what it sounds like…white cheddar flavoring…if you go to your grocery store, in the chip aisle they might have some. Thanks for the review!_

**Hey all! Thanks so much for the input, and I appreciate it very much. Some of you are disappointed, I am sure, by the drama between Flack and Anna, and how Anna chose Marty and how all evil cliff-hanger-esque the ending of last chapter was. But, the essence of drama is conflict, so hopefully this next chapter will not disappoint you too much…there is no resolution yet, but there will be…trust me…just not yet. Haha. Well, this chapter's title isn't the important part, it's the lyrics, so just look to those. Otherwise, you all know the drill! Read, and review! **_Disclaimer: I do not own Evanescence, and therefore do not own their song lyrics. _

Chapter 15: Call Me When You're Sober

_Don't cry to me, _

_If you loved me, you would be here with me._

_You want me?_

_Come find me._

_Make up your mind_

I opened my mouth to speak, and yet no sound came out. Like a fish floundering for water, I was slowly dying, desperately seeking for something to say – for a drop of water to save me…and yet…nothing happened.

For moments, Marty stood, eyes darting between myself and Flack, wondering who would make the first move. He cleared his throat and continued staring at the other two people in the room.

I would not break eye contact with him, for I tried to read his emotions. Was he angry? Afraid? Upset? What hidden emotions were lying behind those blue orbs? And was he searching _my _eyes for some emotion as well? What did _he _see?

_You can't play the victim this time,_

_And you're too late…_

I rarely cared for the band Evanescence, but they were playing in my mind as I watched him shake his head sadly, bright eyes flickering from myself to Marty and then to the door.

"Sorry I ruined your night," he mumbled, placing the pink rose that he had brought onto the countertop. He looked at Marty. "Have a good night. I'll leave you both to your date." And with that, Flack turned his back and walked out of my apartment, leaving me in his wake.

I felt frozen, and two conflicting forces waged war in my mind. _He was a jerk to you…he was the one to leave you when you needed him. He was the one to give up on YOU. Yeah, you deserve to be happy with Marty. Why should you feel bad about Flack leaving? _I blinked and frowned at the closed apartment door. It was true that Flack had hurt me, but didn't I owe him at least a civilized explanation of my feelings? I _was _an adult, a professional – I owed him at least one conversation. Marty tilted his head and waved a hand in front of my face lightly.

"Anna. Hello – earth to Anna."

I snapped out of my trance and blinked, now facing Marty, rather than the closed door. His eyes were compassionate and not judgmental, as I had expected them to be. I opened my mouth and found no words to speak, yet again. Marty shook his head and spoke for me.

"You need to go talk to him, please," he started. I began to protest, and he cut me off. "No, Annabelle Leah Price, you _need _to do this. And you _know _that you need to do this, so I don't want any excuses."

I gaped at Marty. "Did you just call me by my full name?"

Marty smirked. "Yes. And that means that I am serious. I'll wait here, but you need to go and talk to Flack. I don't want your friendship with him to end on a sour note, especially if it is because of me."

I looked at Marty, whose blue eyes were dim with emotion. I nodded at him and inhaled, drinking deeply of the apartment air.

"Alright, I'll do it," I said, walking towards the door. I threw a glance over my shoulder and opened the door, whispering under my breath. "For your sake _and _mine."

I walked out into the hallway, shutting my apartment door softly behind me. I peered around for a moment, and my heart sank. There was no sight of him. He was already gone. I walked towards the elevator, heels clicking softly as I went. I paused, dead in my tracks, and stared blankly ahead of me.

He was sitting on the floor, with his back against the wall, staring absentmindedly as the bright numbers above the elevator ascended and descended, signaling the floor. The door would open, and he would stare listlessly, and it would shut. The pattern would repeat itself over and over. I inhaled and exhaled slowly.

_How could I have burned paradise?_

_How could I – you were never mine._

We were never officially dating. He had never officially asked me out. Everything had been based on assumption. My mental train of thought had slammed into a brick wall, causing the train itself to shatter into millions of brilliantly fragmented pieces, pieces of fiery demise. That was it. _Everything had been based on assumption_. What if I had only assumed the worst when it came to Flack and Danielle? What if I had given Flack the third degree for nothing? What if he really _was _the victim in all of this? I shook my head, clearing my thoughts for a final time, and continued to walk towards Flack.

He had stood up and was preparing to enter the elevator, when I stopped him.

"Flack!"

_Oh, God, please help me to say the right thing. Please, _I begged silently. The man turned around, a cloud of emotion covering his slate blue eyes. He stared at me stonily and I ushered us away from the elevator.

"Look, I don't know where to begin…"

Flack shook his head sadly, stony gaze not leaving his eyes. "I understand. You and Marty just go and have a good time, okay?" And with that, he turned his back on me and walked towards the elevators. _Oh, no you don't…_

"I should have known," I yelled out towards his retreating back. "I should have known that you weren't any different."

He paused.

"I should have known that you would be the sweet, nice, seemingly harmless guy who would sweep me off my feet and then break my heart."

Flack stood still, eyes fixed on the ground. His back was still towards me.

"I should have known that you wouldn't be _any _different. I'll admit it; I was wrong about you. And sure, maybe I got the wrong impression with you and Danielle. And yes, I jumped to conclusions. So, in that respect, Don, I admit that I was wrong."

He turned slowly around to face me at the mention of his name. "But what did you want me to do?" I cried in exasperation. I looked at him from behind glistening emerald eyes. "Was I supposed to wait around for you forever, when you couldn't even wait around for me? What do you want Flack? Honestly – what do _we _want out of this relationship?"

He walked towards me, but I continued talking. "I wanted someone who would trust me, and accept the fact that I needed space to deal with things on my own. I wanted someone who would comfort me, yes, but who would allow me to also heal the wounds that had scarred me. I wanted someone…someone to just promise to be there for me, to wait…"

Flack stepped closer. I shook my head and inched further away from him.

"I don't understand you," I admitted. Yet, all the same, Flack walked closer and closer towards me. My palms guided myself as I walked backwards, trailing the wall that I was against. I stopped, back against the wall, with Flack standing directly in front of me.

I heaved a sigh. "I just don't know what you want…maybe I just don't know what _I _want anymore…"

Flack reached out his hand and cupped it under my chin. My breath caught in my throat and I merely blinked at him. He snaked an arm around my waist, fingers delicately placed on my hips, and pulled me towards him. He kept his arm around my waist, while his other hand found my curls. I opened my mouth to speak, yet found no words. My eyes fluttered as Flack drew his face nearer to mine…

_Should I let you fall?_

_Lose it all?_

_So maybe you can remember yourself._

I pushed myself away from Flack and shook my head, running a hand through my hair.

"You can't just do that!" I exclaimed, eyes wild. "You can't come here and expect me to just rush into your arms like some happily ever after. You just can't."

"Anna, I…"

"Don't start," I said walking back towards my apartment. Flack followed, and I wheeled around to find our faces just inches apart. His breath was sweet…I shook my head once more and heaved a sigh.

"If you came here to apologize tonight, I am ready to hear it," I stated, looking over his shoulder, rather than into his deep blue eyes. Flack took a step away from me and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I came over here because I talked to Danny, and…"

"Woah, wait a second," I began with widened eyes. "You are solely here on the advice of _Danny Messer_?"

Flack looked sheepishly at me. "Uh – he encouraged me to do this, so…yes?"

I raised my eyebrows, which apparently was a cue for Flack to continue. "Look, he made me realize that I was a jerk and totally screwed things up between us. I should have never given you the assumption that I wanted to move on. First of all, I should have listened to you and accepted the fact that you needed to deal with…with…"

"You can say his name," I finished softly.

Flack's gaze was steady and sympathetic, and he took both of my hands in his. "I should have respected your mourning over Aaron's death, and I shouldn't have pushed you into something that you weren't ready for. I'm sorry for that."

I held his gaze for a moment before gently removing my hands from his. "I forgive you, Don, I honestly do. And it was partially my fault for closing myself off to the world. You only wanted to help me, and I was too stubborn to let you."

Flack's eyes searched mine. "I am beginning to think that there is a 'but' somewhere in there."

I bit my lip and looked at my apartment door before replying. "But I need to sort some things out. Things that I started…"

Flack's eyes narrowed. "You mean Marty, right?"

I faced him once more. "Yes, Flack. Marty is a sweet, caring guy, who is very supportive and fun to be with…and I can't dump him and run off with you…because I care about both of you…but I really can't…"

Flack took a step closer. His lips were centimeters away from my own. "Don't tell me that you don't feel anything between us, because that's bullshit, and you know it."

It took everything in my power to resist kissing him right then. My eyelashes fluttered for a moment, before I put my arms gently on his shoulders and pushed him away.

"You had your chance, Flack. I care about you, but, like I said before; I need to sort some things out. I need to sort out my feelings about you and Marty. I'm going to stop seeing Marty, because I don't know where I stand. I just…I need some time to think things through before I get too involved with _anyone_ right now."

Flack nodded at me. "I understand."

"This isn't goodbye," I assured him. Flack's mouth twitched slightly into a smile.

"So, what is it then?"

I thought for a moment. "Think of it as an 'I'll see you soon'. How about that?"

Flack nodded at me. "See you soon." And with that, the detective turned his back on me and walked towards the elevator. I watched him climb in and the elevator door shut with a soft click. From behind me, another door opened, and Marty peered out.

"So, what happened?" he asked. I twirled a curl around my index finger.

"Marty, we need to talk…" I began, entering my apartment. Marty sat down on the couch and handed me a glass of water.

"That's never a good sign," he groaned. I waved my hand dismissively in the air.

"It's not you, it's…"

"Cliché much, Anna?" Marty asked with a tantalizing raise of his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes.

"Let me finish?"

"Sure."

"As I was saying, Marty," I started. "It's not you that I am worried about. It's me. I think that when Flack and I had that fight, I was vulnerable. And I don't mean to sound accusing, because you didn't take advantage of me or anything Marty, but I needed a companion, and boom! There you were." Marty smiled sadly, as if he knew what was coming. I smiled genuinely. "But then, I really began to like you Marty. And I care about you. You're fun, and sweet, and sensitive. But…"

"There's that word that men hate…"

I rolled my eyes and let out a light laugh. "…Marty, I just need some time to clear my head from all of this….this…"

"Angst?" Marty offered with a smirk.

Laughing again, I replied: "Yeah, something like that." My face grew serious and I looked at Marty genuinely. "I really am sorry…for all of this. I didn't mean for you to get caught up in it," I vowed. Marty shook his head.

"It's not your fault, Anna. I think that you're doing the right thing by sorting this all out before making a decision. And if it comes down to it, Anna, I just want to let you know that I won't feel bad if you choose Flack over me."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "You won't?"

Marty shook his head and smiled sadly. "I really like you Anna. But you've got to do what your heart tells you, and I can't do that for you."

I smiled at Marty and cuddled up next to him, giving him a hug. "Thank you for being here for me."

Marty kissed the top of my head and I looked up at him. "No problem kiddo." I smiled and stared out the window, watching the stars twinkle in the velvety sky. It was a beautiful night.

Marty let out a chuckle and I glanced curiously back up at him. "What?" I asked.

Marty smiled. "You and Flack…you're like the new Danny and Lindsay."

My eyebrows shot up. "And why is that?" I asked.

"Well, you and Lindsay are both very smart, attractive young women who have the hearts of two New York men wound around their tiny little fingers. And both of you guys have issues that you need to sort out. And both you and Lindsay want space. Not to mention the fact that I have a feeling there is something deeper behind your denial of these men than meets the eye…" Marty paused and looked at me seriously. "…am I right? I think that Lindsay is hiding something from her past. Every time I watch her and Danny converse lately, it's like…like she's totally stiff and he's acting cold. She's bearing the burden of this secret, and it's hindering her from really getting to know this great guy. I just don't get it."

"Well, you're right," I muttered. "There's more to us than meets the eye."

Marty smoothed out my hair. "Well, if you ever need to talk about it…"

"I know, I know," I replied with a sigh. "_Everyone _is here for me."

Marty laughed. "Well, I was actually going to say 'If you ever need to talk about it, I won't be here for you', but…"

I playfully slapped Marty's arm and we both laughed.

I stared off into the night sky and could only wish that somehow I would figure out exactly where I stood as far as relationships were concerned. The winter months were approaching fast, and with it, I prayed that God would bring new beginnings.

**Well, that is all for now. I am sure you all hated the Flack/Anna drama, but it must be done, I assure you. I really liked the Evanescence song, so I felt that I had to put it in there. Please comment and let me know what you thought of this chapter! The rest of the story will pick up whenever I have time to write it out! Until then, leave some nice feedback for me to read and enjoy the rest of your week!**


	17. How to Save a Life

_Meadow567: Thank you very much for the review!_

_Chili-peppers: Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked the song. _

_sparkyCSI: Yeah, was being a bum, and it took me forever to upload this chapter! But I am glad that you enjoyed it. I adore that Evanescence song. It's just so much fun to rock out too. LOL. Yeah, the angst is just fun to write, but you DO know who she ends up with, so it's all good. This chapter is devoted to someone people whom we haven't seen much of lately – Aaron & Lindsay. Yeah, he's back!_

_demolished-soul: MARTY! Yeah, he's a sweetheart, and I love him, but he's not quite right for Anna. But at least he's understanding, which is great. Don't worry – Anna will begin to understand her feelings this chapter & in the ones to come. Thanks for the review!_

_Mystik225: Oh, thank you so much! I'm glad that you have enjoyed these stories as I enjoy them. Awh, well, Aaron was indeed probably the favorite male character, who I have written thus far, and he will make an appearance in this chapter, so be sure to look out for him. _

**As this story continues, we are drawing closer and closer to Christmas time in the lives of these characters. And closer to Christmas means: a) closer to Anna's 24th birthday, but also b) closer to her first Christmas without Aaron. This chapter, we follow the thoughts of Anna and Lindsay as they contemplate their lives and their pasts, which are strikingly similar. Lindsay's thoughts and actions are in _italics _while Anna's are just in regular font. Anyway, I think that you all should comment on this chapter and let me know what you think about it. (This is my idea of why she supposedly would feel comfortable talking to Stella, like spoilers say she will in the episode "Silent Night", about her "deep, dark, secret/past"). Oh, and one more thing: there is mention of a pizza place, and of Lindsay's boyfriend - see "Stories of the Past" if you need a refresher on those events. Thanks! **_Disclaimer: I do not own The Fray or their lyrics. _

_SPECIAL AUTHOR'S NOTE: Also, this chapter is more intense and solemn than previous ones, with mentions of abuse and rape. So, please, proceed with that disclaimer in mind. _

* * *

Chapter 16: How to Save a Life

_Where did I go wrong?_

_I lost a friend, somewhere along all the bitterness,_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night,_

_Had I known how to save a life._

It was beginning to grow too cold outside for me to sit on my balcony at night, and the snow creating a soft dusty blanket over the creaking rails, so I opted to sit by my window, curled up under a crocheted blanket with a warm cup of herbal tea instead. Smiling to myself, I wiggled my feet inside of my fuzzy pink bunny slippers and sipped the tea thoughtfully.

_Lindsay Monroe sat on her couch with a solemn expression etched on her face and a warm glow hidden beneath her chocolate eyes. She stared out of her apartment window and watched millions of tiny snowflakes spiral down towards earth. She noticed a woman wearing a long green scarf who had a man's arm draped protectively and lovingly around her shoulder. The woman laughed and snuggled closer to the man, as they continued to walk along the sidewalk. _

I let out a light, breathy sigh and watched a snowflake tumble towards the earth. I wondered exactly what Jacob and Claire were doing at the moment. I had to laugh softly. Of course, there were no snowflakes for them to watch thoughtfully in Miami. My smile faded into a slight frown on my lips. I missed them. I felt a pang at my heart and continued to stare wistfully out the window. _Why am I feeling so homesick?_ I wondered silently.

"_Why am I feeling so homesick?" Lindsay wondered aloud. Montana was a beautiful state, a place where she knew everyone, and where everyone was friendly and welcoming. Bozeman was a small town, and therefore a comfortable town. And on lonely winter nights in the big city of New York, she missed the small, intimate town bonfires where the smell of s'mores and smoke filtered into the night air. And yet…_

"I can't go back," I spoke to the living room silence. It was true: I couldn't go back. Miami was home to –

…_she couldn't go back. Tears began to well involuntarily in Lindsay's eyes as she thought more about it. She couldn't go back to Bozeman, as much as she would love to have gone back. Sometimes, New York City was too much. Sometimes, she couldn't take the pressure of city life. She knew that if he continued to make her feel this way…then she might continue to want to leave. Bozeman, Montana was her home, but it was also home to something much greater than a house or a family…_

I shook my head and tears began to fill my green eyes. I could not go back to Miami, for it was home to all of my demons. All of the things that haunted me and plagued my memory for years upon years were there. No, I could never go back there. No matter how much New York frightened me or caused my heart to become lonely, I could never go back to the city of Miami. It had occurred to me, as of late, to transfer back to Miami. With all of the stress and pressure of city life in New York, I had seriously considered moving back to Florida. After all, I could easily have joined Horatio as a CSI in Miami…but I couldn't…no, I couldn't…there were too many demons…too many skeletons in my closet…too many…

_Robbie Cunningham was the first boy that she had ever loved. He was also the first boy who had ever hurt her…physically and emotionally. It had been after the bonfire one wintry night when she had snuck off with Robbie to an abandoned barn. "Hey babe, check out what I snuck from my parent's house." He showed her a bottle of wine and Lindsay clapped her hands in appreciation. "Ooh. Can we open it?" The older version of Lindsay sat on her apartment couch and shook her head sniffling back tears. "Don't do it Lindsay, don't do it…" she urged the seventeen year old girl._

_The teenage version of Lindsay staggered around the barn, leaning against Robbie's arm for support. He snaked his arm around Lindsay's waist and pulled her up into the loft of the barn. Lindsay was giggling like a little girl as she fell down into the hay below Robbie. Robbie began kissing her fiercely and the young woman pulled away. "Robbie, cut it out." Robbie laughed. "Come on babe," he said gruffly, continuing to kiss her. Lindsay pushed him off her. "No, Robbie." Robbie glared at the woman below him, who was struggling to get out from underneath him. She shook her head and walked towards the stairs of the loft. "Hey. Lindsay! Wait up," Robbie called, following her down the ladder. Lindsay defiantly stormed towards the entrance, but Robbie yanked her shoulder, and in one swift motion slammed her against the barn wall. Lindsay winced and tears formed in her eyes. She could smell the alcohol on his breath._

"_No one," Robbie hissed as he slammed her against the wall with every word spoken, "No one EVER walks away from me." Lindsay tried to struggle against him, but he was stronger than she was. In an instant, he had her pinned under him on the ground. _

"_You WILL do as I say bitch," he growled. Lindsay glared, and with one jerk of her leg managed to knee Robbie in the chest, and off of her. The teenager fell to the ground, clutching his ribcage, and Lindsay took off running into the Montana night._

I sighed and retreated further under the comfort of my blanket. I shuddered, thinking of the memories of my past. The cold, empty gaze of Abraham was the first thing that came into my mind. His brilliant brown eyes were so enriching and warm one moment, and then as sharp and painful as a razor the next, cutting down into my very core. Abraham Romano was the first guy who had ever hurt me – verbally.

I shook my head. I was young, and naïve, and full of innocent dreams and high hopes. I set unrealistic standards that normal human beings could never reach. And I was soft and vulnerable – some might say that I was impressionable. At any rate, I was sixteen years old when I fell for the boy with the soft, sandy hair and warm dark eyes. What a fool I was. I knew all about Abe's family. Rumors had circulated around the town about his father, just as they had about my mother. Abe had been pulled from his home at a young age and placed in foster care. His father had abused him, both verbally and physically. I suppose that is why I was first drawn to the reclusive young teenager.

We were young – probably around sixteen years old – when I began to help Horatio Cane out around the Miami crime lab. It was the day that he suggested I become a CSI, and I immediately told Claire and Jacob, bubbling over with enthusiasm. I ran into my room and pulled my address book out, dialing Abe's number. He picked up within the first few rings, and I relayed my story to him.

"Sure you'll become a CSI Anna," he drawled in a heavy southern accent. "You're not damn near smart enough for that kinda job."

My heart constricted at his words, and I should have known…I should have known right then and there…

"_I should have known from the moment that I had met Robbie that he would be the kind of guy who was only after one thing. He was my first mistake…I should have trusted my intuitions. But no, I saw the exterior façade. He was adored and admired by everyone – the star athlete, the "golden boy", the one that grandmothers would smile and wave at," Lindsay scoffed out loud, folding her legs underneath her on the couch. "I should have known that he was trouble…"_

_But Lindsay sighed. She should have known all of that, and yet…yet, she was still drawn to him…like a moth to the light…but after the night in the barn, she ignored him. He turned nearly the entire school against her, outcasted her, shunned her…and she had a few close friends that stuck by. It was tough, Lindsay recalled, to get through high school. But she did it. She graduated, and he left town forever. And things seemed to become smoother in Lindsay's life. Oh, but then…_

…oh, but then I decided to date him, and give him a shot. _I should show love and compassion to him_, I reasoned. _After all, I lost my mother, and his family abandoned him. I should support him and help him out – be a friend, right?_

I realized all too late that being a friend would only tear me apart. Never would Abe compliment me. I was never good enough for him. He would yell and scream that I was "stupid," and should "get my head out of the clouds", because I could never become a CSI in his mind. He said I was never pretty enough. He told me that it would have been better if I had never existed. He cut me down, and still, I remained with him. I thought it was just an angry phase. But as I watched Horatio close a case involving spousal abuse, I knew that I had been wrong. I sunk down on the break room couch and cried until my throat hurt. Calleigh wrapped her arms around me, and stroked my hair, telling me that I was the most beautiful girl in her life, and that I was a pearl and a gem. Her eyes met my tear-stained ones.

"You, Annabelle Leah Price, are a wonderful young woman. And you can do _anything _you set your heart to. You have a powerful spirit, and a light. The world would weep if you gave up like this. You have to remove yourself from this situation, Anna. He's abusing you. You can't do that to yourself, alright?" I nodded my head, and Calleigh continued. "I'm glad you told me about this, and you can make it through, trust me." She touched my face. "You have your mother's spirit in you, girl, and you can not ever – do you hear me? – _ever _let anyone tell you otherwise." Horatio watched silently from the hallway as I rose, collected myself, and strode out of the crime lab doors into the Miami sunlight.

"She's a tough girl, but even tough girls break sometimes," Calleigh remarked to the man standing next to her. Horatio nodded, placed his sunglasses on and walked behind me, attempting to catch up.

"Anna," he called out. I turned around at the sound of my name and took a deep breath.

"Yes?" I asked tentatively. Horatio pulled an envelope from out of his pocket. It had a college's name and a phone number on it.

"This," he said, handing me the piece of paper, "is the name and phone number of a college in New York."

"New York?" I echoed in confusion. "But I thought I might just go to the University of Miami or something…"

Horatio shook his head. "Anna, I know you. You have aspirations and dreams that reach further than Miami. I think you should stop putting boundaries around what _you _feel like you can or cannot do. You are a bright young woman, and I believe that Pace University would be a great place for you in order to become a CSI. In fact, I know a man up in New York City by the name of Mac Taylor. If you decided to attend Pace, you could easily apply for a position at his lab."

I opened my mouth and stared blankly at the paper in my hand. _Can I do this? Can I fight the feelings of insecurity within me?_

"Sure," I replied with a determined nod. "I think I'll call them."

Horatio smiled and a smile formed at his lips. "I had hoped you'd say that."

Watching Horatio walk into the lab, I sighed and looked down at the paper once again. Shrugging my shoulders, I walked towards a bench to sit down and think about my decision.

"_But then everything went wrong," Lindsay said to herself, terror and tears clouding over her dark eyes._

_He was a nice guy, seemingly. Lindsay scoffed. That's how they all initially appeared to be. And she, once again, was naïve to believe in true love, and in men who would never break hearts. His name was Daniel – but everyone called him Danny. The older version of Lindsay pulled a blanket tighter around her, as if she was preparing for a horror movie. But this was no movie, she thought grimly. This was her life. He had blonde hair and stunning green eyes – all of the women in Montana were after him, it seemed. And he was the town's playboy – out for a good time, and then you were ancient history. _

_But, to Lindsay, whenever he was around her, he seemed different. He made her laugh, and told her how pretty she was. He bought her lunch, and watched movies with her. He let her wear his jacket and held the crime scene tape up for her to walk underneath. He opened doors, and told jokes. He did all of the right things – and Lindsay was drawn to him. _

_But all of that went downhill one warm summer night. _

_Lindsay and Daniel had both gotten off shift at the same time and he offered to take her home. She obliged and invited him in. After a while, it grew late, and Lindsay yawned. _

"_Well," she said, removing herself from where she was snuggled under the crook of Daniel's arm, "it's late and I should probably get to bed." Daniel planted a kiss on her lips and lingered. Lindsay pulled away, a smile on her face._

"_It's time for you to hit the road, cowboy," she said with a teasing smile. As she went to stand up, Daniel pulled her back down onto the couch, furiously kissed her and started to unzip her jeans. Lindsay pulled away violently._

"_Dan, I think you should leave," she said, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, and zipping up her pants. Dan's eyes grew furious._

"_You're telling me 'no'? No woman EVER has said 'no' to me," he replied angrily, rising from the couch. She stood taller as he came closer._

"_Well, there's a first time for everything."_

_He brought his hand to the side of her face and she stumbled backwards. "No one," he replied, looming over her petite body, "EVER says no to me." And with that, he yanked her to her feet and drug her into her bedroom. She kicked, fought, and bit all the way there, but it was not enough to stop him. He overpowered her, and raped her. When it was over, Lindsay remained composed, and eyed the phone on the dresser. He noticed this._

"_Don't even think about calling anyone and telling them about this," he hissed. Pulling his gun out of his holster, he waved it in her face. "If you do that, I'll kill you."_

_Lindsay scoffed. "You don't think that our team would figure it out. I have your DNA, Daniel. I can convict you…"_

_He used the butt of the gun to hit her head. "Shut up, bitch!"_

"_No," she replied defiantly. Daniel pointed the gun in her face._

"_Do you really want to talk like that to me?" he asked venomously. _

_Lindsay eyed the pair of scissors on her dresser. "Yes," she replied. In one swift motion, she plunged the scissors into Daniel and scrambled off of the bed. The man fell where Lindsay had been just second before, motionless._

_Lindsay ran as fast as she could out of the door and didn't look back._

_She had killed him, with one puncture wound to the heart, the autopsy report had read. And the memory of that night haunted her for years upon years…she left Montana a few years later in order to start over in New York City. And it was, by chance, that she met him…_

"_Why, God? Why?" she called out desperately to the ceiling. "Why did I have to fall in love with a man named Danny? Why did I have to meet him at that tiger cage on the anniversary of the same week that I killed Daniel Thompson? Why are you letting this happen to me?" Lindsay rose from her couch and began to pace back and forth on her floor, tears cascading down her soft face. She wanted answers more than anything else. But she knew that in the back of her mind, there was one person who would possibly know what she was going through. She had watched this woman overcome death and abuse… Lindsay picked up the phone and pondered for a moment, before dialing._

"Why, God? Why?" I wondered aloud, rising from the couch in order to pace the apartment floor. "Why did you bring that awful relationship into my life?"

_Maybe I am using it to help someone else._

"Oh, sure, God," I thought bitterly, "who is going to really benefit from hearing about my verbal abuse story?"

_Lindsay._

I stopped pacing as the thought of my friend entered my mind. "Lindsay?" I asked the ceiling. "What does Lindsay have to do with this?"

_Do you think she's ever been abused, Anna?_

"Well, quite possibly…"

_You need to help her. I put both you and Stella in her life for a reason. She's in need of comfort, of consoling, and of a listening ear. That is where your story comes into play, Anna. I allowed you to suffer so that she could have someone to lean on in life._

I frowned and paused to think. Could that have truly been the reason for my suffering? "Why doesn't she open up to Danny about this? He cares about her, you know…"

_Of course he cares about her Anna. He loves her as he has never loved anyone before. But she is not ready to open up to him quite yet. She needs to hear your story first – she needs to hear Stella's story. She needs to know every emotion of what Stella went through that night…_

I let out a steady stream of air, and then pursed my lips together. "She _did _seem kind of distant that night at the pizza place…" I recalled. "And she hasn't really acted the same since…"

_She's hurting. Let her know that you are there for her. Just be her friend, and she'll begin to trust again, you'll see. I have a plan, and this is part of it. You can't see the whole perspective, Anna, but trust Me, because I can._

I heaved a sigh and sank back down onto the couch. I was never a religious person, per se, but I believed that there was a God, and that He would watch out for me. And, if He wanted me to help out another human being, then I guess it was my place to obey.

"Alright, I'll do it. But I'm afraid for her and Danny. Lindsay was talking about seeing this other guy at the bakery down from her apartment. She said his name was Michael, or something…"

_Lindsay is entitled to make her own choices, Anna, just as you are entitled to make yours. Keep remembering that. She and Danny are not necessarily meant to be right now, but they will be together soon, I assure you. And Lindsay just called Stella up and is talking to her about her past, right now. Lindsay is still in the healing process, Anna. She is still terrified to be with Danny, partially because she knows how much he cares, and the other part due to the fact that she has a hard time trusting men. Men have always let her down, and have beaten her spirit. A man named Daniel is the reason why she ran away from Montana…_

"…and a man named Daniel is the reason that she is staying in New York," I finished marveled. I paused to think before asking another question. "And as for me, God? What about that?" I asked, throwing my hands up into the air. God was chuckling, I am sure.

_You will be alright, Anna. And I think that in your heart, you believe that too. I think you also know what needs to be done in mending your relationships…just go out to lunch, or sit and talk. Be civil, be friendly, and trust your heart for the rest._

I chewed my lower lip, and nearly jumped when a voice replied: "You should listen to the big guy, you know."

I turned around to see Aaron, smiling, perched on the edge of my couch. He had the same mysteriously enchanting spark in his eyes, just as I had last seen him.

My hands flew over my mouth. "Aaron! Oh my G-"

Aaron stopped me with his hand and pointed to the ceiling. "He doesn't like His name being called out unnecessarily all the time," my friend said from behind twinkling eyes. I laughed and hugged the young man, who seemed radiant, despite the fact that he was wearing normal clothes. I pulled back and stared at him with misty eyes.

"I miss you so much," I said longingly. Aaron smiled sadly and put a hand to my face.

"I miss you too kiddo," he remarked genuinely. "But I can only stay for a little while, and I need to give you the important, official news," he said, beaming. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What's the news?"

"Guess who is the newest guardian angel?"

I gasped. "You?"

Aaron smiled and nodded. "In the flesh, babe. Well, technically, not in the flesh…"

I laughed. "Oh, that's so cool Aaron. Who are you the guardian of?"

Aaron flashed me a smile, and realization dawned on me. "You're _my _guardian angel?"

Aaron nodded happily. "God figured that you could probably use some guidance, so He wants me to pretty much oversee and protect you. Geez Anna, you never told me all the stuff that has gone on in your life. All that stuff about Abe…I never knew all of that…"

I looked at the ground, balling my hands in fists. "That's history, Aaron. It's kind of hard to bring back up without hurting myself," I said somberly. Aaron put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, kid, it's alright. I've seen it all, and the big guy," he gestured to the ceiling again, "even let me sneak a peek into the immediate future. You're gonna do just fine Anna."

I sighed and smiled back at my companion. "Thanks, Aaron. You're always there for me."

Aaron beamed with genuine pride. "I said that I would always be, and I never break my promises…"

Sunlight began to filter into the room and I stirred, untangling myself from the crotched blanket. Yawning, I momentarily panicked, forgetting where I was. _Did I fall asleep out here? _I wondered sleepily. _And if so, was all of that…a dream? _I shook my head. It had seemed too real to be a dream…no, but, Aaron couldn't really have been there…could he have?

Rising slowly from the couch, I stretched and headed into the kitchen to brew myself some coffee when something caught my eye. I walked towards my bookshelf and noted that the Bible was out of place from where it usually rested. I frowned as I pulled out a card from the middle of the book. In the card was scribbled a verse and a brief note.

"_The Lord watches over all who love him" – Psalm 145:20_

_I'll be watching over you, so keep strong Anna._

_Love, Aaron_

I sunk down onto the floor and began to cry.

But for the first time in months, they were tears of joy.

**I took the darker road this chapter. Which will be made up for in the happy, fluffy chapters to come, don't worry. But I really think that Lindsay's past is something very dark and haunting, and I created Anna so that Lindsay has someone to rely on at the lab. She needs both Anna AND Stella right now for support. Anyway, let me know your thoughts! I shall update whenever Odina tells me to! Haha. Have a great week/weekend everyone. **


	18. All At Sea

_demolished-soul: Thank you! And the whole 'past' thing in the show was…not what I wrote in here, obviously, but…we'll see if they develop it further, because her "secret" left much to be desired. Yeah, Aaron will probably be back here and there – whenever I feel like putting him into a chapter. Haha. Thank you for the review!_

_sparkyCSI: Yep. I watched "Silent Night"…wasn't too thrilled with it at all, but oh well. It gave me inspiration to write this chapter, so it's all good. Thanks for your comments, and I am glad that you enjoyed the chapter!_

_meadow567: Thanks._

_lewiscentral: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope you like this one as well!_

_chili-peppers: Thank you for the review! I really liked switching back and forth between Anna and Lindsay just because their lives were and are so similar. Plus, I don't think that Lindsay and Anna get enough time together. Hope you like this chapter as well! _

**Well, here we are again: another chapter! Wow, we are nearing about 20 chapters, and "Stories" only had a total of 29 chapters…and trust me, this story still has a LONG way to go, so as long as you are enjoying it, hopefully you will continue to enjoy it! I'd like to thank everyone who is reviewing this story thus far, and even those who aren't reviewing, but who are reading: thanks so much. It's encouraging to get feedback from readers! And the synopsis for this chapter: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas in NYC! Shopping, lights, Christmas trees, carols, parties, and the season of giving has New York's finest Detectives in festive moods. Well, almost everyone is…**

**SO sorry for the LONG delay in updating. I've worked 27-ish hours this week (granted, I am a minor) & wanted to get this chapter absolutely right before posting. Also, I know that we all know (if you saw "Silent Night") what Lindsay's ACTUAL dark secret is (as vague as they were about it…) but, for continuity's sake, we will continue to believe that the Lindsay in THIS story killed her boyfriend. Okay? Okay!**

_Disclaimer: I don't own the song, or lyrics, or Jamie Cullum. But I must give GIGANTIC kudos to one of my best friends Simi for helping me pick out lyrics that suited this chapter! Also, I must assume that by reading this, you saw Stella's ordeal in "All Access", as she will talk about it. _

Chapter 17: All At Sea

_But sometimes don't you just crave  
To disappear within your mind?  
You never know what you might find..._

_Please just leave me right here on my own  
Later on you could spend some time with me  
If you want to, all at sea.  
_

The snow spiraled down onto the pavement as I walked towards the crime lab. I had to laugh to myself. It was ironic – every time that I desired to be alone, I was greeted by either rain or snow, as if seemingly the weather paralleled my thought process. Shoving my numb hands into the warmth of my coat pockets, I paused, and the steady stream of breath floated in front of me. I stared up at the building, took a deep breath, and walked inside.

It was the first day that I would have to face Flack again. I would have to face him after what happened at my apartment. And I would have to face Marty. And I would have to face my team, and put on a happy façade – of course, everything was right with the world. Of course. It was Christmastime after all. Nothing could _ever _be wrong at Christmas. No, I would act as if my life was perfect. I would smile and nod at all of the techs, and huddle over pieces of evidence. I would forget, for the day, that I had a decision to make. I had to choose between them. But I would forget that – I _must _forget that.

I smiled pleasurably at the receptionists and I opted for the stairs, rather than the elevator. I needed some few moments of peace and quiet before I began to enter the world of crime scene investigation.

As I ascended the stairs, I couldn't prevent my mind from wandering to thoughts about _him_ – the one person who made my life so utterly complicated, and yet…so…wonderful at the same time. Shaking my head, I frowned. No, I couldn't think of him…but, my mind had other plans, and it began to revel in my promise.

"_This isn't goodbye."_

"_So, what is it then?"_

"_Think of it as an 'I'll see you soon'. How about that?"_

"_See you soon."_

I sighed and began to climb the stairs. As soothing as it was to know that I didn't have to face a harsh stare from Flack or Marty, I was nervous, anxious, and jittery – like a little school girl, all over again. _Then, _I thought to myself as I climbed up the tenth stair, _what do I have to face? If they're not going to be upset with me, what do I do? What do I say to them? Do I pretend like nothing has ever happened? How can I do that?_

The truth was, the day before, I was attempting to sort out my feelings for Flack and Marty, when the phone rang. I picked it up, and Lindsay was on the other line, choking back tears.

"Lindsay?" I asked tentatively. "Is everything alright? Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?"

There was a sniff on the other line. "No, but I…I needed someone to talk to, and Stella is coming over to my apartment in a few minutes…I was wondering if you could…"

"Say no more, Lindsay. I'll grab my things and be over there in a few minutes."

I ended the phone call, and gathered my things together before heading out the door and over to Lindsay's apartment.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was later in the afternoon, and I was working a case with Hawkes and Stella. There had been no sign of Flack all day, but I suspected that it was because he was working a case with Danny, Lindsay, and Mac.

"Anna? Did you get all of that?" Jen asked. I turned to see Detective Angell and nodded distractedly.

"Yeah, body was found by Nathan Alexander, the neighbor of the DB, around 10 o'clock this morning…apparently Nathan had a beef with the dead guy a few days ago. Is there anything I forgot Jen?" I asked.

Jennifer Angell nodded once. "The DB's name is Chance Vito. Kind of a weird name if you ask me…"

I raised my eyebrows at the Detective and nodded. "Lucky Life," I murmured. Jennifer looked at me curiously.

"Come again?" she asked.

"His name means 'Lucky Life'– Chance Vito."

Jennifer raised her eyebrows and looked at Chance, who was slumped over a chair, with a bullet wound to his head. "Oh, the irony."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When I arrived at Lindsay's the night before, I had found myself greeted at the door by a woman in sweatpants, a Montana State University sweatshirt, and tousled hair, who resembled – barely – a woman named Lindsay Monroe.

She smiled welcomingly, despite herself, and motioned me into her apartment. I had never seen the inside of Lindsay's apartment, but it suited her – pictures of Montana skies and wheat fields with various smiling faces were framed on her walls. There were assorted newspaper clippings – a birth announcement, a 4-H article, a photograph of a smiling woman – framed on the walls along side of the other pictures. Lindsay watched my eyes trail the apartment, and she forced a smile.

"Those were the younger years," she replied with sad reminiscence. I turned to face Lindsay. Her sparkling chocolate eyes were brimming with tears. "God, I was so stupid back then," she added, voice cracking. I wrapped my arms around the woman and enveloped her in a warm hug.

"Lindsay," I said gently, pulling her away from me. The older woman sniffed. "what's been going on with you lately?"

Lindsay shook her head and sat down on the couch. "God, Anna, I wish I knew…everything is coming back to me again, and I don't want it to. I don't want to think about…the past."

I sat down next to Lindsay and nodded my head. "I understand. You would be surprised what demons can haunt you when you least expect it," I said with a shudder. Lindsay looked at me curiously, but before she could ask anything, there was another knock on the door. The Montana native rose and allowed a concerned Stella in.

"Lindsay, does this have anything to do with what happened in the morgue?" Stella asked. She walked with Lindsay towards the couch and seemed to notice me for the first time. "Oh! Hi Anna," she replied with a slight wave of her hand. I waved back as the pair sat down. Lindsay took a deep breath.

"I was just telling Anna about…wait, Anna, you said that you knew all about demons from the past? How do _you _know so much about those?"

Stella and Lindsay both turned towards me, confusion etched on both of their faces. I sighed and looked at my hands. "It's not something that I'm proud of, necessarily, but I had to face a lot of demons before, and I know how you feel, Lindsay…trapped, confused, emotional, terrified – I felt all of those too, and God knows that I still feel that way sometimes."

The women continued to stare, urging me on. "I was…I was verbally abused when I was a teenager," I said, looking up from where I was fiddling with my hands. The women's eyes grew wider. "He was my first boyfriend…Abe…and I thought that he was just going through an angry phase because _he _was abused by his father…but, I was too young, too naïve, too dumb for my own good. And I let him tear me down time and time again."

Stella shook her head and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I never knew that about you, Anna."

I smiled sadly and looked at my hands. "It's not something that I'm proud of, or that I like to go around and brag about. It's just something that happened to me a long time ago, and helped to make me the person that I am today – a _better _person. I learned, through that experience, to really get to know someone before I trust them completely…I've had one too many broken hearts in my life."

Lindsay nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. Stella wrapped her arms around the woman's shoulder and began to speak herself, her dark eyes fixed ahead of her. "It was awful, so…terrible," she said in a haunted whisper. Lindsay and I looked at each other. Stella was about to confront her own demons. I couldn't believe my eyes as I watched a stream of tears fall down Stella's face. She was always my rock, the "tough girl". _But even tough girls break sometimes. _She poured out to us the events of the night that she struggled for her life. "There comes a point in time," she explained to the still silent Lindsay Monroe, "where you have to make the toughest decision of your life – it will either be the toughest one you ever make, or it will be the _last_ one you ever make. I could have died, Lindsay. And you could have too, and you and I both know that. But we made the decision to live, and it was the hardest decision that we will ever have to deal with."

"I killed him," Lindsay replied with a shake of her head and a soft whisper – the whisper from a ghost in her past. Stella squeezed Lindsay's hand and I watched the pair with silent awe and admiration, tears running down my face. They were both so amazingly brave. They had looked death in the face, and instead of yielding to him, they fought and overcame their dire circumstances. I choked a sob. These women had endured some of the harshest repercussions for what they had done – in self-defense they had killed two men – their boyfriends. "I didn't want to kill Frankie, Lindsay, just as you never wanted to kill your boyfriend," Stella assured the younger woman. Lindsay nodded and wiped her eyes with a Kleenex. "But we made the right decisions. And I know that in the morgue, you probably saw the entire event unfold before your eyes." Lindsay nodded and Stella continued. "I know, Lindsay, I've been there. I can't even tell you how many nights I have lost sleep over the nightmares."

"How do you deal with them?" I asked Stella. Lindsay's eyes begged Stella to continue. Stella's mouth turned into a small smile, and she dug in her purse for something. She handed Lindsay and me business cards.

"I talked to Dr. Jensen Merriman. She's not our department psychiatrist, but she was recommended to me by a friend, and she's awesome." Lindsay looked at the card skeptically. Stella let out a quiet laugh, and Lindsay looked up at her companion.

"Yeah, I thought the same thing too at first," she explained, staring out the darkened window. "I thought it was absurd when Mac suggested that I go see a shrink. And I thought it was even _more _absurd when Flack suggested that I do it."

A pang shot through me at the mention of Flack, but I ignored it.

Lindsay looked at the card for a moment and appeared to be contemplating what to do with it. Stella placed a hand atop Lindsay's. "You should talk to her," she urged. "Dr. Merriman is a wonderful woman who will be able to help you cope, I assure you." Stella turned to me, examining my tear-stained face and my downcast eyes. I looked at the card with the same expression that Lindsay had. "Anna," she said quietly. I looked up, blinking, startled. "Maybe you should consider talking to her too. It couldn't hurt, right?" she added with questioning glance. I sniffed and nodded my head, pocketing the card.

"Yeah, I, uh, might look into that," I said quietly. Lindsay rose from the couch and placed the card under a magnet on her fridge. She turned back towards me and Stella with a smile on her face.

"You have no idea how much better I feel right now, just talking…and listening."

Stella and I shared a glance with each other, and I wondered if Stella had been visited by an angel too, for she replied: "It's what our job is, Lindsay. We help each other out, right?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was the day before Christmas Eve, when one split second of stupidity finally knocked some sense into my thick head. I had been out on a case with Stella and had returned in a rush to try and Liam – the lab tech who apparently had some results for us – when what I must kindly refer to as "the incident" occurred. I was reading through my case file, in an attempt to find any thing unusual or inconsistent in a witness report or a clue in the crime scene photos. Needless to say, I was not watching where I was walking. I must have slipped on something, quite possibly water, and suddenly, I found myself preparing to fall forward and eat the tile. As I braced myself with one hand for this impact (my case file was _not _going to become confetti – that much I was determined of), I felt a strong arm fix around my waist, while the other found my shoulder blade, steadying me once more on my feet. I teetered for a moment, placing both of my hands on the man's shoulders with the folder dangling from one of the hands (miraculous as it was, I didn't drop anything from it), breathing heavily, and found myself staring up at – yes, you guessed it – Detective Donald Flack.

For a moment, I couldn't move – quite literally, because Don's hands were still in their previous positions. He had me pressed close to him and I tried a few times – quite unsuccessfully, might I add – to formulate a proper 'Thank you', or even a proper sentence. But, for some reason, I couldn't speak. All I could do was stare up at his blue eyes and blink. _Why is my heart like a freaking river dance right now? _I asked myself silently, for my heart was certainly about to burst from beating so fast. And I had a feeling that it wasn't entirely due to my almost-fall. After a moment more of silence, Don removed his hands and cleared his throat. I began to babble, and we started to talk at the same time.

"So, I – uh – "

"Well, I better go and get my, uh, results…"

"Yeah, and so I'll…"

"…I'll, uhm, see you around, I guess."

"Yeah…see you."

And with that, Flack and I walked down the hallway in opposite directions, and somewhere in Heaven, Aaron was laughing his butt off, because I am quite certain that _he _was the one who tripped me.

"Well," I muttered as I walked towards Trace, "I wanted a sign, and I guess that's about as clear as it gets."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was unusually quiet in the Lab. So much so, that I could even hear myself think. What a concept.

The scratching of pen against paper was my only companion. It was Christmas Eve, and I was sitting in my office, filling out a pile of paperwork that was lying on my desk. There were few lab techs – primarily the night shift – and Detectives walking around. I heaved a sigh, and closed one manila envelope, only to open another one beside me. Thus, that is why I jumped nearly a foot in the air when I heard my name.

"Anna? What are you still doing here?"

I peered around the papers and saw a puzzled looking Mac Taylor standing, arms crossed in front of his chest in the doorway. I shrugged and motioned to the pile of papers with my hand.

"Paperwork doesn't know the term 'Christmas', I suppose," I replied back. Mac checked his watch and shook his head.

"Anna, it's nearly ten o'clock. Go home."

I looked at the paperwork and shook my head. "No, Mac, I have to…"

Mac walked into the room with a frown. "You're turning down the option to go home on _Christmas Eve_?" he asked with confusion. I avoided his eyes and pulled out another folder.

Mac looked at me and shrugged, before pulling up a chair and pen, and selecting a folder from the stack. I gaped and noted that he was wearing his leather coat. "Mac, you were about to go home…I can finish this up. I'll be alright."

Mac shook his head and studied me for a moment. "If I help you out, it'll get done faster, and we can get out of here sooner."

I sighed and placed my pen down. "You want to know the real reason that I am doing this paperwork, Mac?" I asked him. Mac nodded his head. I looked at the folders, not meeting my supervisor's gaze. "It's giving me something to do because…because I don't want to go home to an empty apartment on Christmas Eve."

I looked over at Mac for his reaction and he smiled sadly, eyes meeting mine. "I understand, Anna."

I blinked. "You do?"

Mac nodded and closed a folder, placing it on top of those that were already completed. "Sure. You're not the only one going home to an empty apartment tonight," he replied. I mentally kicked myself. Of _course, this time of the year would have been hard for Mac_, I thought. _He doesn't have Claire anymore. It must be lonely._

"That, but also…" I took a deep breath and focused my eyes on the folders before continuing, "…also, it's my first…my first Christmas without Aaron," I finished, with glistening eyes.

Mac, once again, nodded slowly and continued to fill out paperwork, talking to me without meeting my eyes directly. "When Claire passed away, my first Christmas without her was…it was terrible. It had only been a little over three months from her death, and I had to celebrate her favorite holiday without her…"

I sniffed lightly, and felt so self-centered for only thinking about _my _problems, and _my _sorrows – I felt so awful for ignoring Mac's troubles. My supervisor was human too – he still suffered, and Christmas without a best friend was nothing compared to Christmas without his wife.

Mac smiled at me slightly, looking up from his paperwork. "If you want me to stick around, I could always show you the best coffee place in town. That way we both wouldn't have to be alone on Christmas Eve. But if you don't want to, and you'd rather be alone, I understand that too. I just needed to be alone for my first Christmas without Claire."

I looked at Mac and contemplated for a moment, before nodding my head. "I think that Aaron would want me to enjoy Christmas…just like Claire would want you to."

Mac and I smiled at each other – a secret understanding between those who had lost someone that they loved. We finished the paperwork within a half an hour and I rose, putting on my thick jacket and scarf.

Walking out to meet the cold winter air, I stared at Mac for a moment and we both smiled again.

"Claire always loved the snow," he replied quietly – reverently, almost. I placed a hand on Mac's shoulder and nodded. We both knew heartache, and we both new sorrow. Both of us had an unspoken bond – the bond of death, as ironic as it sounded. We were both learning, gradually, how to move on.

And Christmas was the season for new beginnings. It was time to be joyful, to be thankful, and to have peace.

And, staring up into the sky as I got into a cab with Mac, I couldn't help but smile at the twinkling stars in the sky. Somewhere, up there, Claire and Aaron were both smiling.

**I had the idea in my head for a moment, and contemplated on whether or not I should have used it, but I finally decided that Mac and Anna needed to have a little interaction. No, I am not pairing them together (how did you like Anna's clumsy little accident? I thought you might. LOL) Anyway, I am apologizing again for the delay in updating, but I hope that you all enjoyed this anyway. Next chapter will cover a little bit of Christmas Day & then we'll get to some more Elsie/Anna interaction (I'll re-cover the part in "Stories" when Elsie told Anna all about the party she had planned) & then New Year's…and then we can get onto Anna's party soon! Woohoo! **

**Okay, well, just hit that button down there that says 'Reply' and I will be a happy camper. Have a great week y'all, and I will update as soon as I can. **


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